Caregiving Fridays

Celina makes a Pupusa!

With the start of the new year, we've been getting into the groove of having organizing sessions along with caregiving.

Friday is "Celina Day". 

Eventually, Celina will train one of the caregivers (as she is part owner of the company and trains all of the caregivers), but for now I get to enjoy being with her. 

Beautiful Omelet with Place Setting and Everything!

Celina has made something that is very hard--having someone in our home and accepting help--very easy. She's a pro in the kitchen, loves to cook, and is kind, nurturing, smart and passionate about what she does. 

We've become a great pair and look forward to doing fun stuff together like going for a ride in her convertible, getting our nails done or going shopping for make-up.

Hey Uncle Crazy! Whose Omelet is Better?

Celina spoils me with yummy lunches on the days she is here. She also made me a traditional El Salvadoran food called a pupusa. Yum!  I'm on a super-restricted diet for my gastroparesis, which is something I thought would make it virtually impossible for someone other than my mom to cook for me. Knowing that Celina can find things (and yummy things) to make for me helps me let go of some of my fears about being dependent on others.

Pupusa!

I didn't expect to look forward to Fridays so much. But last week I just hung out with Celina in the kitchen chatting and taste-testing pupusas instead of checking off things on my to-do list. 

I'm also excited that Mom looks forward to having a break as well. For 15 years, caring for me has been all-consuming, and it feels good to find ways for Mom to have a little time to nourish herself. After Celina left last week, Mom said: "I really enjoyed having a break and having more time to go for a walk with the puppies." That made me extra happy.

Chef Celina

I love starting off the weekend with my bed made, the laundry folded and put away, a week's worth of juice made and frozen, a week's worth of smoothies made and frozen, a yummy lunch, some pupusas for the next day, a few hugs from Celina, and an afternoon off for Mom. Our weeks are going more smoothly with this extra help. 

When people help in helpful ways, doing things that I cannot do for myself, it helps me to feel more in control of my life. It may seem silly to get so excited about having my panties rolled up neatly in the drawers, my clothes organized in the closet, my bed made, my smoothies ready to go, but at one time I knew what it was like to be able to do all of these things for myself. Having things done the way I want them and like them done is empowering. It takes a very special person to tune into a clients needs and wants the way Celina does. 

I truly feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off of me. And that's why I look forward to Fridays now!

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Kisses

Mr. Kisses

If you don't like lots (LOTS) of kisses or a dog that jumps up with excitement every time he sees you, a Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier isn't the dog for you. Wheatens are famous for their kisses, jumping up, a wonderfully soft coat, a playful spirit, and an infectious joie de vivre.

Um, Yuck?!

Asher can no longer fetch his ring, run in the snow, jump up or do much else, but he can still give LOTS of kisses. 

Time with Some of His Favorite People

The good news to report here is that Asher has stabilized and actually improved, thanks to the steroids that have gotten his pain levels more tolerable. 

As Abbie wrote tonight: 

"Asher is doing very well. He is doing his usual sleeping, but is very excited about food, treats, meds and going outside to eat snow. He prefers it over water, I'm pretty sure!"

The Things We Do For Love

This means Dad and Abbie will be taking care of him while we are away at the beach, and we will not make any end-of-life decisions before we leave. If a pain flare occurs, our vets know what they need to do to keep him comfortable until we arrive home.

Who Wants Kisses Next?

When I took Asher over to visit Miss A and family, Scott got our his fancy camera and snapped a bunch of photos. In going through them just now, I realized how many of the shots had Asher sticking his tongue out! 

I Think I Missed a Spot Miss A!

I think he spent the whole visit kissing someone. 

Look at My Sweet Fuzz Face

Since Asher hasn't been able to sleep on my bed anymore and is no longer at home with us most of the time, I've had a really difficult time falling asleep. I'm used to him sleeping next to me, my arm draped over him, until I fall asleep, then jumping off the bed to sleep on the floor the rest of the night.

Fuzz Face, Mr. Fuzz, Monsieur Le Fuzz: All Names Courtesy of Miss A's Family

It's amazing how we become accustomed to these creatures and their comforting ways.

Thanks for the Big Bowl of Water, Scott!

I find that I don't want to turn off the light at night because he's not with me. Sleep has been challenging, so we're working on that!

Photo Op

Hopefully, with time the Little Ones will learn to snuggle in the same ways, but for now they still sleep in their crates at night.

Miss A and Mr. Fuzz

As you can see, Asher still has a little light left in him and he's not quite ready to leave this world.

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

Emily

The Gift of New Years Eve Day: Angela and Family

Friends Forever

All year long I look forward to one of my very favorite parts of the winter holiday: a visit with my friend Angela.

This year was extra-special for several reasons.

Elsa, 12 Weeks

 I got to meet her beautiful, happy, healthy, new baby girl, Elsa, who had just turned 12 weeks. It's very emotional to watch how my friends make the transition to motherhood, how it changes them--and having known Angela since we were little girls made this even more special. You're doing beautifully, Mommy Ang!

Me and Elsa (Photo by Bill)

And Elsa even let me hold her for quite a while. I lifted her above my head so many times that the next day I paid a huge price. But I didn't care. I just wanted to engage with this little sweetie. And, a part of Angela knows that when I look in Elsa's eyes I wonder just a little bit why a baby will never be part of my life. That Angela knows this, and works even harder to make Elsa part of my life is something that blesses me more than she will know. Elsa will be spoiled by me. :)

Wrapped Around Daddy's Little Finger

Oftentimes, I don't get to visit with Angela's husband, Bill, because Angela and I decide we want our one visit together to be 'girl time', but this time I got to hang out with Bill for a while too. He's an amazing guy and I love to watch them together as a family.

Angela's Parents: Ken and Olivia

The cherry on top? I got to go over to Angela's house for the first time in 15 years! I got to see her mom and dad, eat awesome Chinese food, and be in a house that I have so many fond memories of. Angela and I grew up doing every school project we possibly could together, starting when we met in 4th grade. Both of our moms were always there to help us, and we spent a lot of time at one another's homes.

Me and Elsa (Photo by Bill)

I spent FOUR hours with Angela and her family. Being able to visit with everyone, sit in the familiar furniture from all of those years ago, be with Angela, see her as a mother, and meet Elsa made for a very meaningful New Years Eve Day. 

That night I was up until 5 AM because my ANS was so mad. And I struggled to stay in the moment of the 'high' of being with someone I love so much, and a new little girl that I had already fallen in love with before I met her. 

I Love This Photo by Bill

As soon as I say goodbye to Angela after a visit home, I miss her. We keep us as much as we can via text, email and phone, but our best moments are those we spend together in person. It breaks my heart some days that I cannot travel to see my friends or that I don't know how long it will be until I see Angela, Bill, Elsa, Ken and Olivia again.

The tears are running down my face as I write this. I feel such joy over our time together, and sorrow over our distance in miles and inability to have more frequent visits.

Few friendships are as long-lasting, pure, true, honest and rich as my friendship is with Angela. In 28 years, we've continued to evolve and grow together. 

Some days, sorrow prevails. Some days joy does. This day, together with this family on New Years Eve Day? Joy prevailed. A good way to end a year, indeed.

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Asher Goes Visiting

Photo Collage by Marge: Asher and Dessa

Asher got to visit for the weekend for lots of snuggle time, harassment by the puppies and a special trip to see his good friends and neighbors, Marge and Dessa. For the most part, Asher is a 'four person' dog. He likes Mom, Dad, Abbie and me. Period. Otherwise, when other people are in our home, he is very stressed (not in a mean way, just in an anxious way). Off of our territory, he loves everyone. But he has a special place in his heart for Miss Alexandra's family, as well as Marge, who has taken care of him a few times.

Let's just say that Asher had a really good weekend. His tail has been up, he's been begging for food and treats, he couldn't wait to go see Marge, he nuzzled his face in the snow, ate a good bit of snow, and was super excited to see Marge. We want him to see his favorite people before he can't enjoy the visiting.

Really? You're Going to let G Bug Me?

Gershwin cannot resist playing with Asher and, this weekend, Asher took the bait! :)

Best Buddies and Brothers

The little ones were so excited when Asher arrived home they had to sniff every inch of the poor guy.

Brother and Sister

Protege

It's a good thing Asher stuck around long enough to teach this little guy how to be a master cuddler and comforter.

Sunning

Asher could be with us for a while longer or a very short time. The steroids have definitely given him a little boost. He has good days and bad days. This weekend, he had all good days.

Photo Session

He went to the groomer on Friday to get clean and brushed, so he had a big photo session afterwards. :)

As you can tell, I'm a little sentimental about this guy. I'm taking every opportunity to be with him while I can.

I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety about how I will know when it is 'time' to put Asher down. I have been told that he will tell me. 

I have also been told that I don't want to do it too soon, nor do I want to wait too long. There's a lot of gray are in there! 

I don't want to wait until it's all bad days for him. 

I'm not sure I've ever been as attached to a dog as I am to Asher. 

As I cuddle with him at night, petting him for an hour or two while we quietly rest together, I think of all the years this has been part of my daily routine. My hands have memorized his body from so many hours of petting him while I felt unwell. He's been such a loyal friend and incredible comfort to me throughout my illness.

Now that he can no longer stay on my bed at night (I lift him down after cuddle time), it's increasingly difficult for me to fall asleep because I've become so accustomed to him next to me.

Snowy Fuzz Face

It was fun to see him show a little zip this weekend.

And to have the whole pack together for a little while.

The Three Muskateers

Every time the little ones go outside, they sit and wait for a treat. Whether Asher has been out or not, he wants one too. I take the opportunity to try to get a shot of all three dogs together!

Three in a Row

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

The GREATs

The Organizing Begins

Connie Will Be Using this Box of Paper in her Wood Burner Tonight!

We started off the new year here with our new caregiving group, who is helping us with both personal caregiving and organizing--and it's off to a fantabulous start!

Mom and I have each had a two hour session with Connie and Mary Ann to work on our organizing. Both of us found our time with them to be one of the most stress-free and helpful experiences we have had for this type of thing. 

We have also had one day working with Celina, who coordinates all of the caregiving. She will learn all of the things that I need on a weekly basis, and then teach them to whomever we have as a caregiver. If there is a change in caregivers, Celina will take care of training the new person. I'm really going to miss Celina when she is not here on Fridays!

We're incredibly relieved and grateful to have found Mary Ann, Connie and Celina--whose personalities seem to be a perfect match for us. They are so 'other' focused, so team-oriented, and so thoughtful in their approach to helping others. 

Messy Study and Bare Walls

My first organizing session was focused on my study--a room that has basically been a dropping point for piles since I moved my bedroom in 2009! We're tackling all of those papers and medical records that have been piling up for so many years.

Every time I get sicker or can't keep up, things go in a rubbermaid or basket, get stuffed in a closet and are never seen again. It is a huge relief to have help going through these piles. The three of us can accomplish in a couple of hours what would take me months to do. And I can be in my recliner while Connie and Mary Ann help. 

The Future Dancing Light's Studio

I finally have a vision for my study. It will be so nice not to have bare walls and to have some order in here. Since my blog is A Dancing Light, and named after how I want my spirit to be, I am hoping to make this study Dancing Light's Studio! :)

I finally feel excited about the new space because I have the help to make it a reality!

So. Many. Piles. Of. Paper.

For caregiving, Celina is helping to do things like make a week's worth of green juice, freezing it in individual servings; making a week's worth of smoothies frozen into servings; putting my laundry away and keeping my closet and drawers in order; keeping my bathroom cleaned up; folding sheets and towels.

If time allows as we get in a groove with this organization, they will help me with anything--even helping me to plant flowers or vegetables! 

The help of Mary Ann, Connie and Celina, in addition to the extra rides from Dad and Abbie and care for Asher are starting our year off with new hope.

It's so exciting to have helpful help that with time will truly improve our lives.

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Quality Time with Asher

You Put this Pillow Here Just for Me? Thank you!

In puppy news, we still get our daily entertainment from these two. Mom snapped this photo on her iPad this morning, sent it to me in an iMessage and I woke up to this photo of our little princess on her perch.

Need Company, Mom?

I have a notecard from a dog site that says: "Never be alone again." On it is a photo of three dogs keeping someone company in the potty. Well, as you can see, Gershwin and Tovah Rose thought Mom needed some company.

Pet Me!

Gershwin continues to believe that his sole purpose in life is to be petted. All. Of. The. Time.

Snuggle Time with Asher

Most of our week, though, has been centered around our sweet Fuzz Face. We brought him home this weekend from Dad and Abbie's so that I could spend some extra time with him.

This Will Always Be 'Asher's Spot'

My very favorite time of day with Asher is before bed, when I listen to my audiobook and pet him for a an hour or two, while I try to wind my body down for sleep. 

Sweet Fuzz Face

Asher is still able to rest comfortably, and I think the two of us both savor this time together.

With A Sweet Nose

We took him to the vet on Thursday for PT and a check up with the vet at the specialty clinic. Asher continues to be more painful, showing pain on the exam in his neck and lower spine, where he had not before. 

Basically, there are no interventions left to do. We have put him on oral steroids just to see if we can take the edge off of the pain a bit more but we have decided, together as a family, with our vets, and with the PT, that it is almost time to let Asher go. 

Paws

The vet reassured me that I can go to sleep at night knowing that I have done everything I can to help Asher. At this point, his spine is just so unstable and his shoulder so sore.

Still Loves His Supper!

We are taking Asher to visit his favorite friends (Anne, Alexandra, Scott, Marge, and the groomer). This weekend he got to kiss Alexandra and Anne to his heart's content.

And I'm getting in as much cuddle time as I can with him during the brief interludes he is home. It's mostly my decision now as to when I put him down…and I'm just not quite there...yet.

Arriving at Dad and Abbie's!

He's heading back to Dad and Abbie's for the week, where he is always content, loved and happy. He was so excited to arrive there when we got there on Thursday after his vet appointment. He's still eating well, able to go outside to the potty, and ask for treats. But the pain is clearly becoming more than we want to let him continue to bear.

So Happy to Arrive at D and A's.

I'm off to snuggle with him for a while now. 

Blessings,

Emily