Standing INSIDE The Fire: Garth Brooks Concert

Too many times we stand aside

And let the waters slip away

'Til what we put off 'til tomorrow

Has now become today

So don't you sit upon the shoreline

And say you're satisfied

Choose to chance the rapids

And dare to dance the tide...yes

I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

Like a bird upon the wind

These waters are my sky

I'll never reach my destination

If I never try

So I will sail my vessel

'Til the river runs dry

--Garth Brooks, The River--

Our View

Going to big concerts has never been something I've done a lot of in my lifetime--even before I got sick. I've seen Chicago, Phil Collins, Billy Joel and REM. Yup. I think that's it. Because well, ya know, Phil Collins was pretty cool in 1994. 

The Stage

The last big concert I attended was at the same location as this most recent concert--Billy Joel in 1998 shortly after I got sick. I remember the struggle it took to make it through that concert. It was before I had a diagnosis or any idea what was wrong with me.

Here's Garth!

While we were at the beach, it was announced that The Garth Brooks World Tour with Trisha Yearwood would be making a stop in our town.

All I could think was: could I make it to this concert? Is this a possibility? Can I sit up long enough to go to a concert now? Can I handle the crowds, the lights, the noise level? 

I asked myself these questions because seeing Garth Brooks in concert is at the top of Jeannine's bucket list. 

After talking to Lisa at the venue we have attended all of our concerts (Wynton, Audra McDonald, etc.) about the logistics of attending, I decided to give it a go. 

The logistics ended up being a bit of an accessibility nightmare, but I'll save that for another post. Too bad Lisa doesn't work this venue, because she hung the moon.

Obligatory Selfie

I called Jeannine from the beach and asked her if she wanted to go. Of course she did. But she wasn't going to ask me or tell me about the concert because she didn't want me to feel pressured to do something I might not be up to. (Thank goodness Mom was reading our local newspaper while we were away).

And Another One

Jeannine went online right at 10 AM the day the tickets went on sale and after additional concerts were added, we got seats. Six sold out concerts! 

Garth Looked Pretty Teeny From Where We Were Seated

Jeannine has had the shittiest 2015 so far, so Mom and I were so excited to be able to treat her to this outing for her birthday.

To be able to accompany her on one of her bucket list items meant the world to me. 

Garth is not a 'bucket list' concert for me, but he puts on a great show and so does Trisha. 

I wanted to hear my three favorites: The Dance, The River and Standing Outside the Fire.

And I got to hear all of them. 

Trisha only sang three songs, which was a little disappointing because she is definitely one of my country favorites as well.

He's A Great Performer

There's this love that is burning

Deep in my soul

Constantly yearning to get out of control

Wanting to fly higher and higher

I can't abide

Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire

Standing outside the fire

Life is not tried, it is merely survived

If you're standing outside the fire

Playing All Of The Favorites

Even before I got sick, I spent so much of my life coloring inside the lines. But afterwards, I found that so much of life was literally merely surviving. Surviving was often all that I could manage. Joy is hard to come by in the midst of so much suffering.

Now I just want to grab life by the reigns. I'm jumping into the fire, taking the risks that come with life, falling in love, branching out, trying new things.

It's all part of what Garth would call The Dance ("I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance.") and The River.

Trisha!

I am SO glad I did this! It's another HUGE victory in what feels like a year full of victories.

Just a year ago, going out to dinner was a huge victory. Going to performances where Lisa works was still very hard. 

And now, here I am in April 2015 doing what seems unimaginable to someone with an overactive sympathetic nervous system.

Bright Lights! Big Crowds! Flashing Lights! Lots of NOISE! Sitting Up for Several Hours! Singing Along during the Concert! Clapping My Hands Over my Head! Gone From 6:00-10:30!

(My PT was particularly excited about the hand clapping over my head. :))

Ready For Garth!

Was I completely exhausted the next day? Yes. Did I stay in my PJs and barely move? Yes. 

Did I have an Autonomic Storm that left me up all night sick with forceful heartbeats, ringing ears, tremulousness, shakes and chills, agitation, anxiety, PVCs, gastroparesis, nausea and neck pain? 

NO!

I DID NOT.

I took a small amount of extra medication to sleep, but otherwise my ANS was CALM.

This quieter sympathetic nervous system and being able to sleep after a big event is the biggest reason I can now engage in more activities, be in larger groups of people, and go to events with more noise, lights or crowds. 

The biggest contributor to the quieter ANS is definitely the mestinon, but it's also a culmination of 17 years of hard work tweaking of medications plus incorporating other therapies.

Bucket List Time

Was one day of recuperation worth it for the joy in my best friend's eyes as she watched the concert? Absolutely.

I'll never forget that we got to check something off of Jeannine's bucket list Together. This time, I got to be by her side for something. She's always beside me.

Spoon Necklace + Garth Shirt

I have a little bit of buyer's remorse over spending the extra bucks to buy a shirt, but it's going down as one of the most comfy shirts ever. And it's going to be a reminder of all of the changes happening in my life. It is a reminder of this new life, of this body that is healing, of this friendship that has sustained me, of the courage to continue to Dance, travel The River, and Stand INSIDE the Fire.

Hearing Standing Outside the Fire makes me want to hop back in time and dance with my Connor House Girls (my eating house at Davidson) in one big circle as we dipped our feet into the "fire" as we danced.

In fact, I think I just may turn it on and dance to it myself. Just because I can DANCE again. I am dancing again--body and soul.

Blessings,

Emily

My First Shabbat Dinner, My Spiritual Journey

Two Challahs, Hydrangeas, Shabbat Candles

Last Friday night we had nine young Jewish women over for a Shabbat dinner. It was my first ever Shabbat dinner.

Julia G., Me, Sarah F., Sarah W., Marjie and Stephenie

Last year, at Marjie's Champagne Brunch I talked to the other Jewish women about trying to find some ways to engage in Judaism more and connect with other Jewish women. I found a group of women interested in getting together for Jewish and non-Jewish events and our "Just Jewish" group has finally taken off. We were all able to make it to the Shabbat dinner this last Friday, and it was our first Jewish event.

Gorgeous Challah!

I can't think of a better way to really gel as a group than breaking bread together, eating amazing food, drinking wine, and talking about Jewish life.

The evening was deeply meaningful to me, and we talked about ways to keep our connections to Judaism going, ways to do things together as a group, and enjoyed being together. It's difficult in tis town to find other young Jewish folks to connect with, and our little group would like to hold tight to Judaism and its importance in our lives.

A Gluten-Free Challah

Most of all, I'd like for the presence of Judaism and my closeness to G-d to continue to grow. 

This feels more possible now that I am able to engage in more activities. I am looking forward to trying to go to services soon.

Ready for Shabbat! Even Got Out the Silver!

Mom and I provided the location for the dinner and I was able to set the table for the event! I was pretty excited about this! I mean, it's been so long, I had to do a little searching in that brain of mine to remember what goes where on the table! Ha! I loved using our silver from my Jewish grandmother. We used her Corelle dishes too. 

A Pro In The Kitchen

The success of this event is owed to one phenomenal young woman--Sarah. On Wednesday afternoon, Sarah came over to my house and we looked through all of her Jewish cookbooks to find some yummy recipes. 

She sent out all of the Evites, did all of the shopping, cooked all day, and then brought food to cook over here while she let me rest! This event happened because of Sarah!

What a spread we had! Everything was DELICIOUS!

Spinach Salad With Goat Cheese, Walnuts, Dates, Apples, Cherry Tomatoes and Vinagrette

Asparagus With Pickled Onions

Roasted Broccoli With Red Peppers

Tuna Steaks in Awesome-Sauce Garnished With Cilantro

Mixed Berries With Chocolate Covered Almonds

LOTS Of Wine Provided By Our Guests

Sarah's Spread!

It was quite the spread indeed. Sarah even made a gluten-free Challah for me to have. It was honestly THE best gluten-free bread I have ever had. I felt like I was eating bread for the first time in 17 years!

We blessed the candles, the bread, the wine, and the children. 

Beautiful.

I love ritual.

Some Q's For Discussion

To turn our focus to Shabbat, Jewish life, how to grow as a group and help get to know one another, I created a few questions to discuss over dinner.

We kept it informal, but we did go around the whole table and heard from each of the nine women present. 

Julia R., Nicole, Julia G., Me

We agreed that it is important for us to keep our connections to other young Jewish women strong; to engage in both Jewish and non-Jewish activities together; to consider future potluck style Shabbat meals; to try going to synagogue together once a month; to be mindful of the many Jewish holidays--major and minor--and finding ways to celebrate them.

Sarah F., Sarah W., Marjie, Stephanie

The girls are already planning a Sip and Paint party, wine dates, movie dates, and more. I know I'm going to have to say 'No' more than I wish I had to, but the opportunities to continue to connect are there and growing.

Melissa and Brandon

I knew some of the women before Friday, but some I had not met. Melissa brought her little guy, Brandon, who didn't seem to mind being surrounded by all the ladies.

Someone Found A Lap!

Nicole and Tovah Rose

And Tovah really enjoyed hanging out with Nicole!

Julia R., Nicole, Julia G.

I thank the women--Julia, Marjie, Melissa and Steph--who first encouraged me at that Champagne brunch a little over a year ago to start searching for a deeper Jewish life. 

I thank everyone for coming together at our home to celebrate Shabbat.

After A Successful Shabbat!

I thank, most of all, Sarah, for her commitment to making this event happen, for providing us with the prayers, and for cooking such amazing food. Her generosity of spirit overflowed into the entire evening and her food cooked with love filled all of our souls.

Marjie Captures My JOY

Last year at that champagne brunch, I also listed TEN places I wanted to keep my focus, TEN ways I wanted to focus my life. I've come back to that list over and over. Sometimes I'm right on track, sometimes I'm way off track. Some days I've made choices I feel honor where I want to be. Some days I say "Yes" instead of "No" and sacrifice where my focus needs to be.

And as my life changes almost daily now, I'm asked to recalibrate, to re-examine, to reevaluate where my energy needs to be and what matters most. I'll keep coming back to my list over and over, because it's still spot on.

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Peaceful Coexistence

I live for those sweet moments between the puppies when they choose to be physically connected to one another. 

What usually interrupts the peace is 1. Gershwin gets tired of Tovah trying to clean his ears, 2. Gershwin gets tired of Tovah sitting on top of him, or most commonly, 3. Tovah suddenly decides that she's sick of her little brother and snaps at him.

What's funny about the latter is that Tovah Rose usually is the initiator when it comes to snuggling close to Gershwin. It's just that it has to be on her terms. And when she's had enough, she lets him know not very nicely!

Gershwin is very tolerant of his big sister!

Enjoy a few pics from the past few months of sibling love.

Hopefully, it'll make your Monday a little brighter. 

Tovah Rose and Gershwin are found anywhere I am--cuddling in my bed, cuddling in the bathroom while I take a bath, in a chair with me (or with Mom) or on the sofa. 

I know these guys make every day of mine brighter.

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

Emily