One More Holiday Visit

Tom, Caroline, Anna (5) and Sara (8).

I had one more set of visitors over the holiday break: Caroline, Tom and their daughters Sara and Anna. I love how Sara is a total ham for the camera! :) It was great to catch up with Caroline again and finally meet her girls.


As always, it's great to be a townie. :)


Blessings,


Emily

Happy Hanukkah!

Barbara and Mom

Last week, we started off Hanukkah with a wonderful dinner (cooked by Mom, of course!) and wonderful company.  

Me and Jeannine

I was also able to go on a short outing (1 hour) to a Hadassah Hanukkah party, which I really enjoyed. I hung out reclining on a chaise at the end of one of the sofas, and women kindly came over to me to chat. 

Me and Mom all dressed for Hanukkah. I am wearing my Shalom sweater and Silver nail polish just for the occasion! :)

Thanks Mom for the latkes, chicken, applesauce, spinach salad and chocolate covered strawberries!

Last night of Hanukkah

I love lighting the Menorah. This year we lit two. I spent time listening to my Hanukkah CDs, listning to the NPR Hanukkah Lights stories, and watching a Hanukkah concert. One evening after a hard day, I just sat in my recliner and watched the candles burn from start to finish while listening to my CD that describes Hanukkah in story and song. I'm always so sad when Hanukkah is over! 



Blessings,


Emily

Annual Holiday Visit with Ang

Me and Ang

Spending an afternoon with Angela, one of my best friends in the whole world, is a tremendous gift. Our honest, authentic relationship always leaves me feeling incredibly blessed. I'm amazed that our lives our so different, yet we maintain such an emotional closeness that has survived since 4th grade!

Me and Ang with our iPhones

We spent so much time talking about our new iPhones that we had to take a photo of us with them. We love how our choice of covers fits our personalities. Hey, we had to balance out all of our serious meaning of life discussions with some fun stuff! 


Blessings,


Emily

Christmas at Dad and Abbie's

Back Row: Bill, Monica, Meredith, John, Reese
Front Row: Abbie, Dad, Me

Just a little family photo from Christmas Day at Dad and Abbie's. I went over for a couple of hours to eat some lunch and open gifts. 

Hope you had a blessed Christmas,

Emily

Doodles Again!

Thanks for the box of toys to sit ON. :)

Look who came to visit again! Twice in three weeks! We sang Itsy Bitsy Spider, 'made cookies', played with the iPhone, and she showed off how she knows where her eyes, hands, nose, mouth, feet, belly button, etc. are.

It's amazing how much Lana has changed in just three weeks. She's putting more and more words together (as in saying, 'Thank you, Daddy!" when he changed her diaper!). 

I'm so in love with my little niece, so grateful for our visits, and so grateful for the friendship of her Mommy and Daddy.

Blessings,

Emily

Concert Outing: Audra McDonald

Program Cover: Audra McDonald

We went to see Tony-award winning actress and singer Audra McDonald in performance after Thanksgiving. The performance was at the same theater where we have gone for our other big outings (Wynton, Joshua Bell, Pearlman-Ax-Ma). As always I was able to use my reclining chair and we were treated like royalty by our beloved Lisa.

The concert was PHENOMENAL. If Audra is on tour near you: Go See Her Sing! She is perhaps one of the greatest broadway singers of our time. 

Her concert is about 90 minutes of (mostly) broadway tunes dating from 1929 to the present. She is accompanied by a jazz trio, but mostly the concert is all her singing and sharing stories about the songs histories and why she has chosen them.

We had lots of favorite songs, but were perhaps most moved by her performance of a James Baldwin poem which speaks especially to those of us struggling:

Mom and I so enjoyed this outing!


Blessings,


Emily

Doodles Was Here!

Look at my ponytail!

I had an extra-special surprise visit from Sarah and Lana yesterday. Sarah was in town for a meeting and brought Doodles along. Nothing like my 17 month old niece and my friend of many years to cheer me up.

What class shall I take?

She enjoyed 'reading' all of the catalogs and some coloring while she was here. And she even knows how to clean everything up (completely willingly)! She is so much her mother's daughter. Good thing she doesn't take after her Auntie Em.

Girl time. Long time buds.

Bye Bye! :)

Thanks so much to Sarah for making Doodles so much a part of my life. I'm so enjoying watching her grow and seeing her new tricks every time she visits. 


Blessings,


Emily

Thanksgiving Visitors

Sean reading one of my childhood books to Miles and Piper.

The holidays always mean that lots of people have time for visits--either because they have a little time off from work or because they are home visiting family in town here. I've basically been using all of my energy for visits, and the inevitable crash plus recovery that comes with the territory.  I will be resting up now for the next round of visitors over the Christmas and New Year's holiday!


My first visitors were a Sean and his cutie-patooties, Miles and Piper. Even though I haven't seen Sean and the kids for over a year, the kids warmed right up to me, which totally lifted my spirits. Piper sold some local foods to benefit her school, so she came to deliver my order. :) 

Me and Neeraj

One of the most formative experiences of my life was the time I spent at our local Friends School. I even wrote one of my college essays for Davidson on this wonderful school. Since I attended Friends School for 2nd and 3rd grade only, I don't know where most of my classmates are, and many of us went our separate ways once we got to the larger public schools. Neeraj and I found each other on Facebook (of course) and he persisted in working out a time to get together. I am so glad he did because it was amazing to see each other! All of these years later, we feel so grateful for our time at Friends School and so bonded by the unique experience we had there. It was fun to meet each other as 'grown ups'. :)

Me and Kristina

My next visitor, Kristina, is also someone I reconnected with through Facebook 17 years after our last time seeing each other. During our high school marching band days, Kristina was in my rank. Go alto saxophones! :) We've been able to get together three times this year--once for our first meeting, once on an outing with her son to see Winnie-the-Pooh, and this last time to knit (her) and sew (me) together. She's incredibly accommodating to my schedule and needs, and unphased by my need to take a reclining chair to the movies.


Most of my close friends who know about my illness live far away--some I've never met because we are chronically ill and met online while others have known me throughout high school or college and have known about my illness for the last 13 years. It's always a little difficult to take the chance on getting together with people who haven't seen me for so many years. I wonder how they will react to my illness or how it makes them feel. I feel that I am gradually starting to allow local people into my new life.


Blessings,


Emily

Happy Thanksgiving!

Mom and Asher at the Playground.

Mom and I had a very quiet, restful and relaxing Thanksgiving Day. What a change from how things were a year ago! Mom is so enjoying being able to go for walks and be outside again. On Thanksgiving Day, I felt the best I have felt in a long time. It is always tough to decide how to spend the holiday--with Dad and Abbie or with Mom. I will be headed to Dad and Abbie's for the Christmas holiday.

Thanksgiving Day StRoll in the Park.

We've had gorgeous, unseasonably warm weather, so we we took the opportunity to head to one of the parks for a Thanksgiving Day StRoll.

What a view!

I love picnic tables!

Asher thinks that picnic tables and benches are there just for him. Since no one was actually picnicking at the park, he got to hang out on the table and take a little rest.

 

Um, I'm ready?! What's the hold up?!

We purposely picked a park that Asher could also go to. This dog is all about coming and going. Here he is in the car waiting for us to finish getting ready so we can GO already!

Dinner.

After my nap, we had a lovely dinner of local cornish hens, roasted veggies (celeriac, sweet potato, carrots and brussels sprouts), cranberry relish, salad and gluten-free, dairy-free pumpkin pie for dessert!! I was so excited about the pie I forgot to take a photo before Mom cut it. :)

I still felt well enough after dinner for us to watch an episode of The Good Wife together.

It was a GOOD day. 

We hope you, too, had a blessed Thanksgiving with good food and those you love.

Blessings,

Emily

Mom: Beach Bum

One year ago today Mom woke up with indigestion, nausea and a band of tightness around her chest. After waiting it out for a while, she called 911 at 4 AM. I woke up to hear her come in my room to turn on my white noise machine and shut my door. She said: "I'm going to the hospital. The ambulance is on the way." And she wasn't going to wake me up?!

She had a heart attack in the ambulance.

I called Jeannine who rushed to the hospital to be with Mom. While Jeannine kept me in the loop and stayed with my mom, my friend K spent the next few hours with me on Gchat, praying with me, listening, and just being there. I will never forget how those two friends got me through that night.

So began a very long year of medical challenges and surgeries for mom. To celebrate surviving so much and feeling much better, we went on our vacation (which I still need to blog about). Here is Mom at the beach one year later--stented, fused and decompressed--finally starting to feel like a human being again. 

In Elizabeth Berg's Open House, she writes: "You know before you know." For a few months before her heart attack, Mom had been having some episodes when she came home from her work at the library. She would be very pale, nauseated (to the point of hanging her head over the toilet), feel tightness in her chest, and need to sit and rest before she could prepare dinner. 

Even before these episodes began, I had been pushing Mom to go to a cardiologist. She was scheduled to see her PCP the day AFTER the heart attack happened to ask him about running some cardiac tests as she, too, had become concerned about her symptoms. Obviously, she never made it to that appointment.

The night before Mom's heart attack I couldn't sleep because she was again having a pretty extreme episode. I was terrified, but Mom wouldn't go to the ER. I think I already knew then that she was going to have a heart attack.

Looking back, we see that Mom had a perfect storm of events that set her up for a heart attack, including good old genetics. There is always the immense stress that comes with being a caregiver. But also to deal with years of pain she had been prescribed NSAIDs, which in turn gave her an ulcer, which in turn caused anemia, which very well may have been the cause of her heart attack.

Looking back at her blood work, we see the anemia had been present for years, but hadn't been addressed. Her cholesterol and BP had also not been properly addressed. No one said: If you are going to take an NSAID long-term, you MUST take a proton pump inhibitor at the same time.  I'm oversimplifying here, but despite us trying to be good advocates for our health, we still missed important keys. And we feel very let down by the quality of primary care she received. Had her PCP been more attentive, I truly believe she would not have had a heart attack at 65.

Why am I writing all of this? Because Mom fit the classic profile of a woman about to have a heart attack. She had all of the symptoms that women have: indigestion, nausea, chest tightness. 

I knew before I knew. And by then, it was too late. 

Today, I'm grateful that mom is here with me every day because she is the person I cherish and love more than anyone in the world. If you, or someone you love, is having these symptoms or history, please trust your gut, take it seriously, and fire your PCP if they are as negligent as Mom's was. 

We are so fortunate for the way the events did play out. Mom called the ambulance in the nick of time. We had a cath lab at the our hospital. Her surgery was delayed instead of her probably having a heart attack on the table. We discovered and treated her ulcer. And she can now aggressively treat her cholesterol and BP. She was able to have successful surgeries on her neck and back.

I still have nightmares about something happening to Mom. It is hard to explain how that day one year ago changed my world. 

I love you Mom!

Blessings,

Emily

Visit: Margaret, Kurt and The Lentil

Kurt, Margaret and the Lentil.

Fellow Davidsonian Margaret, her husband Kurt, and their little Lentil visited me last week as they made their way to their new home across the country. Despite having lived on the same freshman and sophomore halls at Davidson, Mags and I had lost touch until we found each other on Facebook. She started reading my blog, we started reconnecting, and we got to 'meet again' last week as adults. And I got to meet her wonderful husband, Kurt, whom I had heard so much about. It was AMAZING! 

Margaret and Kurt made such a huge effort to time their visit during my 'awake hours' of the day and accommodate to my needs. My body really rallied for the visit and I felt emotionally uplifted from the time we spent together.  

Great candid shot by Mom.

None of us wanted the afternoon to end, but I needed a rest and Margaret and Kurt needed to hit the road. Margaret promised me that "this is just the beginning" and we will see each other again--maybe even as soon as the holidays (before the Lentil arrives)!!


Margaret and Kurt: Thank you so much for the delightful visit! Y'all come back now, you hear?


Blessings,


Emily

Happy Halloween!

Hunter (conducting) with his Marching Band and Choir friends.

I'm so appreciative of our wonderful neighbors who are so great about making sure to pop in so I can say hi and see the fun costumes. It's too difficult for me to be at the door to hand out treats, so many of the neighbors come in for a visit. I LOVE it! 

One of my most favorite neighbors, Hunter (Alexandra's brother), always goes trick or treating with a group of kids from marching band and choir. Dressed as carolers, they sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and "Feliz Navidad". And boy, are they ever good!

When Hunter introduces me to his friends (one of whom is the current president of marching band, one of whom is the current drum major, one of whom I used to babysit for, and one of whom has a deceased uncle who was my classmate) he says: "This is Emily. She was president of marching band too!" It's so sweet! I love all of the small town connections. 

When so many neighbors make the extra effort to bring their kids inside for a visit or Hunter and his friends make a special effort to stop at our house to sing, it is a reminder of how such simple and kind gestures can make such a big difference.

Most of the other kids were in and out too quickly for a photo shoot (gotta get to the next candy stop!), and Miss Alexandra (despite efforts on her part) wasn't able to come while I was awake tonight. Kaylee didn't hesitate to pop into my bedroom to show off her costume, as I was still in bed resting when she got here.

Since returning home from our trip last week, I've mostly been stuck in bed feeling very sick, watching brainless TV, and trying to get some rest (which is difficult with a pissed of ANS). So, I haven't been able to tackle photos, blogging, email or FB (although I hope to log on and check out the Halloween costumes!). The good news is 1. I'm all caught up on Project Runway, Dancing with the Stars, and other important shows, 2. I was able to be awake for our Halloween visitors, and 3. I managed to upload the photos and get online to write this post. The bad news is how crummy I feel.

If you need a post-sugar-high-smile, I've posted a short video below of Hunter and friends singing Feliz Navidad. They rock! (You may need to scroll down to the bottom of my blog to PAUSE the playlist so you can hear the video.)

I will try to blog as soon as I am able.

Blessings and many thanks to our wonderful neighbors!

Emily

Packing

Asher 'helping' us pack.

While Mom was helping me set out clothes for our vacation, Asher jumped up on the bed and curled up on top of everything! I wonder if he thought perhaps, if he just kept nice and still, we would pack him up in the suitcase and take him along too? I mean, he could pass for a cute stuffed animal, right?

When this post arrives in your inbox it means we are on our way home from our trip to Chincoteague, VA and an overnight stop on the way home for a visit with Dr. Complex. (Since I am a bit uncomfortable posting when we will be out of town on FB and my blog, I was intentionally vague in previous post about our exact travel dates). After almost two weeks away from Facebook, email, blogging, and telephone I will be re-entering the digital world. Hopefully I will be able to upload my photos and blog about our trip after I take some time to recuperate from the travel.

Blessings,

Emily

Birthday Weekend: Part II

'Birthday Cupcake' Bouquet from a Friend. Makes me smile so much!

After our lunch with Dad and Abbie I spent the weekend taking a time out from to-do lists and using all of my energy points to enjoy time with loved ones--meals together, phone calls, reading cards, and opening gifts. I wasn't exactly looking forward to my birthday, but thanks to all of YOU it turned out to be a weekend filled with so many life-affirming gifts. 

Mom and Jeannine. Thank you Lanadoodles for the flowers!

We topped off my birthday weekend by having dinner Monday night with Jeannine. We were all pooped, but it was great to be together.

On Sunday afternoon we were able to sit out on our new patio and visit with a neighbor, talk to a couple of relatives on the phone, and open gifts. On Monday afternoon I was able to take one phone call from a college friend who I talk to once a year on our birthdays (which are only a day apart) before pooping out! I also received a SOLO birthday serenade from Dad. 

My ANS is still SCREAMING at me for all that I did over the weekend. 

Bestest Friends. Two pooped out peeps.

Jeannine's gift to me was many small items she had collected over time that she hoped would bring me more joy, such as a super fun nail art kit! Her other wishes for me this year were for forward motion in my health and a sense of peace. One of my closest friends knitted me a sweater called the Shalom sweater. 

I couldn't think of three things I desire and wish for more in the coming year: more joy, more peace, and improved health. 

Sweet birthday flowers Mom got me at the Farmer's Market

Thank you to all of you--my dear friends and family--who made me feel so incredibly loved and blessed. You spoiled me with your cards, emails, singing voice mail messages, FB messages, texts, phone calls, flower and package deliveries. I'm having a difficult time expressing how much you lifted me up with your kindnesses and I have no idea how I can ever thank those of you who support me enough.

THANK YOU!

Blessings,

Emily

Birthday Weekend: Part I

Gluten-free, Dairy-free cupcakes. Thanks Marla for the mix! Yellow cake, chocolate frosting, pink sprinkles (of course).

After the cousins were here on Friday, we spend the rest of the weekend celebrating my birthday. I tried to spread out the celebrating so that I could enjoy it as much as possible without getting too sick or too overtired!

 It is rare to get Abbie to cooperate for photos, so I was super excited about this shot!

On Saturday afternoon, Mom made lunch for all of us (Dad, Abbie, Mom, me). We had a great visit and a great kick-off to the weekend. 

Asher loved opening presents too!

Mom and me.

Being serenaded by Dad and Abbie. Look we're even color-coodinated.

After Asher helped me open my presents, Dad and Abbie serenaded me with their version of Happy Birthday. Every year it's a different mix of 'harmonies' on Dad's part while Abbie keeps the melody going.

Make a Wish!

Thanks to Mom for making lunch for all of us so that we could have a low-key celebration at home. We're very fortunate that we all get along and have made this 'new family' work. 

Blessings,

Emily

Five Cousins

Todd, Rob, Ryan, and Doug

On Friday afternoon, four of my cousins (and serious Iowa fans) visited Dad and Abbie's house for lunch, good stories, and lots of laughs. The four guys met up to attend an Iowa-Penn State football game and were able to make a stop at Dad and Abbie's as part of their weekend away. Can you tell  which ones are siblings? 

Five Cousins
Back Row: Rob, Ryan
Front Row: Todd, Emily, Doug

I really love this photo of me surrounded by four of my handsome cousins! Looks like I needed to be wearing some Iowa gear!

Todd and Rob stuffing their faces!

I am one of 42 grandchildren on my dad's side of the family, ranging in age from 27-51. The last time I saw any of my cousins was in May of 1998 when traveled to Iowa to attend Rob's wedding. It was incredible to see some of my cousins for the first time in 13 1/2 years. Fortunately, I have not gone all this time without seeing any Iowa family, as some of my aunts and uncles have been here for visits. 

Doug: Master Planner and Mega Iowa Fan

Doug was the one responsible for planning the big trip East and organizing a get together at Dad and Abbie's. 

Ryan: Telling a Good Story

As you can probably tell by the photos, Ryan and Todd are brothers and Rob and Doug are brothers. The five of us range in age from 27-37. I think the last time I saw everyone, Todd still thought girls had cooties! 

Muscles

After not having seen any of my cousins for so long, I had no idea what it would be like to be together again. It was absolutely wonderful. I got big bear hugs from each of the guys. Most of the cousins my age are guys, so I had spent a lot of time with them on trips to Iowa growing up.


We all used to gather at Grandma's house in the evenings. When family was in town, her house would be teeming with her children and grandchildren. I remember listening to the hearty laughs and storytelling. With Rob, Doug, Ryan and Todd, I saw how the next generation has carried on this tradition of sharing stories and laughter.  


I deeply miss Iowa and my family there.

Dad with his nephews and daughter. :)

Doug, Rob, Todd and Ryan: Thank you for the laughter, the stories and the fantastic Iowa hugs, dear cousins! Thank you for bringing the warmth and love of Iowa all the way to Pennsylvania. I'm sorry you traveled all this way only to have to watch Iowa lose the game! :)

Y'all come back now, ya hear? 

Blessings,

Emily

Ang!

Me and Ang

Angela was in town for whirlwind visit to her parents last weekend, so she swung by for a quick Sunday afternoon visit. I had intended to deflect the conversation back to her, but it turns out I needed to talk to her big time. I'm so deep in the forest right now medically that I can't see out, so it helped to have Angela's knowledge, intelligence, compassion, perspective and understanding.


I think I did all of the talking this visit! Thankfully, we have a quarter of a century of friendship under our belts now. We've learned how to give and take and that sometimes one person needs to talk more than the other. It all evens out in the end with friends like Ang.


Blessings,
Emily

L'Shana Tova!

Blushing Baked Salmon, Tzimmes, Green Beans

On Wednesday evening, Jeannine joined me and Mom for Rosh Hashanah dinner. She loves coming over for all of the Jewish holidays (and for all of Mom's good cooking!). We enjoyed the super yummy food and kept the conversation light and fluffy. 

Tzimmes

Tzimmes is one of my top favorite Jewish foods--a combination of sweet potatoes, carrots, prunes, dates, dried apricots, cinnamon and honey. Foods are sweetened with honey to represent the desire for a sweet new year.

Mom even transformed an apple cake recipe into a gluten-free version. It was so good none of us felt we were eating a gluten-free food.

A-Mazing Apple Cake

The combination of Fall weather, shorter days, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, my birthday and anniversaries of starting/stopping major new medical treatments always leave me in deep state of introspection and contemplation. Yom Kippur consists of 10 days during which we evaluate our lives. 

I'm always doing a lot of this anyways, but this year I've chosen to use this month full of so many spiritual, emotional and physical events to drastically limit my time on Facebook (checking once a week instead of a zillion times a day) and email (checking 1-2 times a day at most instead of a zillion times a day and not at all while we are out of town). This practice feels deeply spiritual. Instead of bookending my day with email and FB and filling any quiet time with these things, I'm challenged to sit quietly with my discomforts, my thoughts, and God. I'm challenged not to check email or FB every time I feel a twinge of loneliness or boredom. I'm challenged not to reach for my Smartphone every few minutes to see if there is any new mail. I'm challenged to start and end my day quietly and mindfully. I'm challenged to use my time more mindfully and to make my communications more meaningful.

While listening to the editor of The New Yorker on NPR on the 10th anniversary of September 11th, I heard him discuss how noisy and busy our world has become. He emphasized the importance of taking opportunities to think deeply and to be quiet. I've never truly taken a deliberate time out from being uber-connected to the world around me. Taking a time out on my terms feels empowering (and scary). While I find myself wanting to check email right away when I wake up in the morning or wanting to email my friend K the latest happenings in my day, I find the discipline it takes not to do these things leaves me feeling more in control of my day and my life. Old habits die hard, and I am definitely addicted to email and FB!

I've been feeling like my plate is full and also cracking, ready to break. By taking one big thing off it, I hope I can make more time for renewal, introspection, atonement, and finding balance as the new year begins. I'm grateful for the opportunities that the Fall holidays, my birthday, and the changing weather bring for renewal, introspection, and quiet.

Mom: Queen of the Kitchen

The most joyful part of the holiday was seeing Mom in the kitchen feeling well enough to enjoy cooking again. The surgeries reduced her pain by about 90-95%. She still has some neuropathy in her foot, numbness and tingling in her arm, and sciatic pain, but she is otherwise doing extremely well. As I watched her work in the kitchen much of the day, I felt overwhelmed with gratitude and joy in seeing that Mom is back to her old self! The strained look from pain and fatigue is gone. This is the first time since hurting her back and the heart attack that she truly enjoyed making a holiday meal and didn't have to struggle through so much pain. She didn't even complain about having to wash all of the dishes by hand because our dishwasher is broken! She is one good sport.

Blessings for a Sweet New Year,

Emily