I am in search of creative thinking from all of you!
On Wednesday, June 18th, 2008 I will mark my ten year anniversary of 'getting sick'. Each year, my anniversary date seems to get a bit harder and TEN is really, really eating away at me.
I've been sad and fairly withdrawn recently (have you emailed and heard nothing back? Sorry!), trying to process everything emotionally. Also, in all honesty the new treatments are kicking me hard.
Last night Mom brought up possible ways to 'mark' the anniversary. Neither of us is super creative in this department, but I do think she was on to something:
1. Don't ignore the anniversary.
2. Create some sort of ritual.
The question is what sort of ritual? Do we grieve the losses? Do we write the losses down on a piece of paper and burn them? Do I spend time feeling sad and angry?
Or do I try to put a different spin on things? Do we look at all of the blessings?
Do I say, "Look at how I have triumphed?" "Look at how resilient I have been?" "Look at how blessed I am to have the care I have, the family I have, the dog I have, the comfy home I have, the good food I eat?" Do I somehow celebrate that we have a diagnosis now? I am very aware of all of the abundance even in the midst of the suffering.
Or do we do some of both?
Do we burn something? Do we write something down?
My anniversary takes place the day after my next shot, so that is usually my most miserable day of the week. The day after each shot, I spend the entire day in bed. So, it's not exactly perfect timing. I'd make sure to go out for some Rita's Italian Ice or something, but I don't think that is going to happen!
I guess I'm just putting this out there...wondering if any of you who are struggling with illness yourself have found a ritual that works for you, or those of you who are outside of the illness world (but have lived this with me) have a creative idea for a ritual we can create to deal with these anniversaries, especially this one.
Please put your ideas in the comments section! Perhaps our collective brain power can come up with something!
Blessings,
Emily
4 comments:
Hi Em (and all!),
I have a few ideas for marking your anniversary...they may not all "fit," but I thought I would be the first to offer a few suggestions (are you surprised??!?) Okay, here we go:
1. Start an anniversary "journal." Perhaps a strange comparison, but Nick and I have an wedding anniversary journal and it's a neat way of looking at our journey together. So, for your anniversary journal, you could have prompts such as: a)Biggest surprise of the year b)Greatest physical accomplishment c)Greatest emotional accomplishment d)Important care-providers/soul-nurturers this year e)favorite foods/new recipes tried f)and so on....
I guess I am trying to suggest a positive reflection on those small moments of "joy" to mark the year
2) Plant something...a flower, a tree, an herb, something that might signify growth and new beginnings in a very concrete and observable way
3)Create a mix CD representing the journey
I'll keep brainstorming for you!! Can't wait to see other's suggestions as well. Good luck on Tuesday with your next shot- I'll be thinking of you (Go Bicillin, GO!)
Love,
Marcy (me)
After recovering from your shot (so maybe it'll be a day or two), treat yourself to something you really enjoy -- something you're able to do and you've been wanting to do for a long time but have been putting off for no good reason. (I loved my hot stone massage I got after the half marathon. Even an ice cream cone or trip to the mall and a new something after an unpleasant doctor's visit makes me feel better.) Maybe another trip to see the puppies or visiting a nearby friend or phoning a distant one.
Celebrate the successes you've had over the past 10 years with your family over a special dinner. Be sure to take some pictures and share them on your blog -- it's a great photo album in itself.
I really like the idea of planting something too! That's a great way to mark an occasion.
I can't wait to hear about what you decide to do.
Love,
Britt
Dear Emily,
I'm a little late getting to this, so today is actually your anniversary. Remember the tough times; grieve what is lost. Look at the ways you have grown and celebrate what you have overcome! I pray that this will be a day of peace through the grief, and joy through the tears.
As for how to mark the anniversary, I would suggest writing. You love to write, and you express your thoughts so well. Maybe you could write about what you have learned over the past 10 years. Chronic illness is tough, but you'll be encouraged to see how you've grown over the years because of it. It won't take the suffering away, but it can show you the rose that has bloomed among the thorns.
Blessings,
Rachel
Rachel mentioned the rose and the thorns, which was exactly what came to my mind-- I just couldn't think of a good way to symbolize it.
I hope that you were/are able to remember both the hard times and the small joys from these 10 years. I know it's so hard, but you are stronger because of the adversity you have faced.
My idea was just to put your "highs and accomplishments" into a small box, and to have another box for your "low moments." Saving these and reflecting on them will help accentuate just how much you have grown in faith, love, and maturity.
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