Letting Go: The Bike

Today, I finally let go of the bike that's been sitting in our garage for ten years now.

But it's just a bike, you might think.

In reality though, it's about letting go of the old me and accepting and making room for the new me. Just yesterday during my massage with Maxine, she said that I need to let go of the 'old' me and make room for the 'new' me. Let go of the person who was able to write perfect thank you notes, write long letters, make packages for every occasion and mail them off, keep people connected, and never miss a special occasion. Let go of the me who could walk miles, dance for hours, play music, and actively keep up with scrap booking and making photo albums...and ride a bike.

When I pulled out the instruction manual for the Trek Mountain Track 820 bicycle this afternoon, I found the receipt with the date and purchase price. The purchase date? May 27, 1998. That means that I owned the bike for less than three weeks before I got sick, and it has literally been sitting unused for ten years.

Of course I've known all along that someone should be riding that bike, using it, enjoying it, but I couldn't let go. Each year I would say, "Oh, I'll be able to ride it soon."

I purchased the bike using a $500 gift certificate that I won in a raffle. I still remember the excitement in picking out this wonderful, new, and exciting bike that I would never have purchased without having the gift certificate. I decked it out with all the bells and whistles.

And I was ready to go.

Or so I thought.

I know all of my 'stuff' from the past isn't just taking up physical space, it's taking up precious emotional energy. So why is it so hard to let go? Why is it so hard to accept the new and let go of the old?

When we went for our 'puppy visit' at Rebekah's house, she casually mentioned that she thought she'd really like to get a bike. Without thinking I blurted out, "I have a bike. It's in perfect condition. Do you want it?" I'm not prone to being impulsive. I think I shocked myself when I said it. Sometimes I feel so far away from God. But tonight, I realized that God is in all of these little moments. The right time, the right person, and the right circumstances fell into place and let me know it was time to give away the bike.

So, I traded Rebekah the bike for a massage and her Christmas gift. I got the emotional benefit, she'll get the physical benefits.

Tonight, when Rebekah and her husband, Andy, arrived to pick up the bike I realized how ready I was to let go. Rebekah was so excited to get the bike. I was excited to give her something that she would enjoy because she gives so much to me.

When Rebekah and Andy pulled out of the driveway, I felt an unexpected sense of relief. Sheer relief. I felt a new lightness--all over parting with a bike.

I couldn't believe the sense of relief I felt. I wanted to run and purge more stuff. Throw it out. Make room. (Of course, there's not the energy to do this purging, but next time Rebekah comes for an organizing session--I just might be ready to let go more easily and stop holding on so tight to a past that I will never recover.)

I'm not sure what I'm making room for yet. But if we believe that when we do make room for other opportunities or relationships that new and better ones will follow, while it doesn't necessarily make letting go easier in the moment, it does give us more strength to do so.

Happy Biking to Rebekah!

Blessings,

Emily

Photo: My Trek Mountain Track 820 Bike