Self-Preservation

"You might hear about an opportunity. Self-preservation may be foremost in your mind, but that doesn't make you selfish."

I seem to be in a place of 'figuring things out' on a lot of levels. Throughout my illness, and especially during times like these, I struggle with the belief that I am selfish. I had just discussed this issue with a close friend, my mom and Maxine, when I found my horoscope in today's paper. Mom had circled, starred and highlighted it. 


I love how Mom reads the paper first in the morning and marks  the things she thinks I will enjoy. I don't have energy to read the whole paper. It is also one of those beautiful tangible ways she shows me love. The circles around a funny comic, the highlighted article title, the asterisks next to a photo caption--they jump off of the page like hugs and smiles.

The confluence of events today surrounding the topic of taking care of myself, topped off by my horoscope, felt like a little message from God that I've got some work to do!

During this time, I've again left emails unanswered (which always leaves me swirling in guilt) and adds to my feelings of being selfish. Yet, I know that I do not view my friends as selfish when they are in periods of self-preservation (for whatever reason that may be)--a new baby, a health crisis, demands of family or work, etc.


How do we draw the murky lines between self-preservation, self-care, and selfishness? How do we find the balance? If the answer was easy a zillion other women wouldn't be struggling with the same questions. And the issue seems to be amplified among my chronically ill friends.

So, just a little post to say: I'm self-preserving. And I think it's a step in a good direction. Oh, and I wonder what that opportunity might be? :)


Thank you for your endless patience...I plan to keep blogging as part of my 'self-preservation' plan, as much as my crazy, unpredictable body will allow.

Blessings,

Emily