It's Official TODAY: Mom's RETIRED!

Now that the fiscal year has ended Mom is 'officially' retired, although she finished her last ever batch of grading papers, giving exams and cleaning out her office on May 10th. Most of the celebrating occurred that week--since she hit 'The Trifecta', as my friend Jeannine coined it--birthday, Mother's day and retirement all in one week!

Mom keeps saying "You've already done enough to celebrate my retirement" or "You're making too big a deal out of it, it's not that big of a deal."

Well, I disagree! I am feeling such excitement for my mom as she gets ready to enter a new adventure in life. Along with her, I am also feeling the angst of the transition from career-woman to retiree, the relief in no longer juggling career and care giving, the sadness in losing the connections and social networks provided at the university, and all of the other emotions that go along with such a life change. Mostly though, I feel an excitement for her. And admiration.

For the past few years she has been saying, 'When I retire....' and filling in various things she will have time to do. She's READY for retirement. Should've made her pay a nickel every time she said, "When I retire..." because I'd have quite a chunk of change by now! She's already spent endless hours out puttering in the yard and whipping Asher into shape with long walks. She's longing for days of sitting on the porch reading books and curling up to watch a few good movies. So far, we've been so busy with company she hasn't had much R and R yet!

Not only am I excited for my mom, but I am also proud.

Having two parents with PhDs is, well, humbling. The thought of going on for a PhD makes me feel slightly nauseous, weak at the knees (Wait a minute? Don't I always feel this way?) and well, terrified. I admire both of my parents for finding their passion in Sociology at such a young age and devoting their entire lives to it.

In my mom, I admire that she 'stuck it out', that she persevered pursuing a PhD when few women did. When she tells me the stories of discrimination that she faced I am shocked--and saddened that such discrimination still occurs for women today. In graduate school she was initially given a grant--which would pay for her schooling without her having to do an assistantship. The grant was revoked on the premise that, because she was a woman, she would be unlikely to actually work in her profession! Later, after earning her PhD and beginning her teaching career she was told, upon requesting a raise that, "She had a husband to support her so she did not need a raise."

I admire that she found a passion for Sociology and maintained it for all of these years. I cannot begin to imagine choosing one of the things that I am passionate about and dedicating a lifetime to it. Our days of 'talking shop' will not end just because she is retired, nor will her days of underlining and clipping articles in the paper relating to anything Sociological.

I admire that she and my Dad taught me to be a 'little Sociologist' myself--and I feel proud when I point out something about gender or race or family that I observe and my mom says, 'Wow! I didn't catch that!'. I am incredibly grateful for having a mother who taught me to look at our society; to care about inequality, poverty, gender roles, race, politics, health care, family, marriage, social policy, education, social class, work-family conflict, etc. and to look at how these various factors affect our society.

I admire that, despite having a job that itself was often demoralizing and demeaning, my mom never sacrificed her integrity. She never stopped caring for the students or doing her best to teach them. I admire all teachers who give their lives to expanding the minds of others. She continued, until the end, to be innovative and engage her students in the classroom. She also served as a listening ear to many students over the years, as she believed strongly that faculty should be available not only to teach the students but to help them through a difficult situation. Over the years she helped students who confided in her about pregnancies, drug abuse, cancer, marital problems, abusive relationships, etc.

I admire my mom for being one of the women who set the precedent for my generation; One of the women who fought for my generation to have CHOICE. Because of the women of my mom's generation we have a choice--to work, to stay home, to pursue higher education, to have children, to not have children, to be financially independent, to marry, to not marry, and if married, to leave a bad marriage and take care of ourselves.

She taught me the value of education. My parents saved money on other things (we still have furniture purchased from Goodwill during their days in graduate school!) so that I could go to the college of my choice. My mom has always told me, "Your education is the only thing you will ever have that is yours and yours alone." I just wish part of my education had been taking an actual class from both of my parents!

In all that I admire, I feel sadness that my mom could not pursue her career more deeply; that she could not do the research to be promoted in her years at the university. I wish that teaching itself was as valued as research, but this is not the case! I feel sad that her family obligations kept her from pursuing research and advancement opportunities more intensely.

At the same time, however, I feel incredibly grateful for the sacrifices she DID make. I am who I am because of her. And while she gave up career-time, I got time with her to have her just as 'mom, eating Ritz crackers with PB and Marshmallow cream and telling her about my day at school, rather than always having her as Dr. Mom the Sociologist. Would we have the same loving and close relationship that we do now if she had worked more? Maybe, maybe not. We'll never know. But, I 'Thank You' is hardly enough to express my appreciation for what she did give up for me.

So, CONGRATULATIONS MOM! I love you and I am so proud of you! Thank you for all that you have taught me about being a woman, about sociology, and about life.

I wish you many years filled with new joys, new adventures, new passions, excellent health, loving friends and family, and plenty of time to "play" in the yard, take long walks, read good books, watch movies, travel, volunteer, and take a few naps here and there!

With all my love,

Emily

Photo: Mom and I--taken June 9, 2007.