After 18 Years, I'm Reading Again...

First Novel I've Ready Since 2001!

One of the improvements in my health I'm most excited about is being able to do some light reading again.

After 18 years (yes, 18 years...) of not being able to focus to read a book, I'm finally able to read a book again.

It feels amazing.

Some of 2018's Beach Reads

I started seeing improvements in 2018 while we were at the beach. I bought magazines (a huge, but favorite, indulgence of mine) and found that I was able to consume more than just People magazine. Don't 't get me wrong, I still love me some People magazine. :)

In 2019, I found I could read more in-depth, smaller print articles in other magazines. But it still had to be fairly easy to consume material. What I could read, how long I could read and how well I could focus changed significantly from 2018 to 2019.

Upping My Game in 2019 at the Beach

Up until now, I've been consuming all of my books via audible. I LOVE audiobooks and still listen to them for my book club books and other more complex stories, but it also feels good (really good) to have the ability and choice to read. 

Over the past 15 years since I first discovered audiobooks (back then they were on cassette or CD!), I have missed the quiet of reading compared to listening to a book. Audiobooks sustained me throughout the years that I could not read a physical book, and I'm so thankful for the ways in which they allow me to still have books and stories in my life.

Thanks for the Rec, Kate!

One day this Spring while we were out for our evening walk, I spotted The Kiss Quotient in one of the Little Free Libraries near our house. 

It's the first novel I've read since 2001! 

I've never been into reading romance novels, but I certainly enjoyed the protagonist, Stella, as she struggled to believe that someone would see her as more than her disability. 

I loved this part of the story, especially since after the ending of another long term relationship, I'm back in the dating game again:

"She had a disorder, but it didn't define her. She was Stella. She was a unique person."

Stella worries that once Michael knows the label for her eccentricities, she will be 'less'.

I so 'get' this!

I Love Being Able to Mark Passages!

One of the most difficult parts of living with chronic fatigue syndrome is explaining how difficult simple tasks, such as reading, become. Reading online is still very difficult for me. For most of my 21 years of being sick, the brain fog has been overwhelming and consuming. When I listen to a friend talk I'm fighting so hard to remember what they just said. When I try to read, I might read the same sentence over and over again without comprehending. Forcing myself to read or push through the symptoms just exacerbates my autonomic system making me fueled wired and sicker. 

As my fatigue has lifted in other ways, I've noticed that some days I can actually concentrate without feeling like I am pushing through a miserable fog. Other days are still very difficult. Much of the writing I have done over the years has been through a complete haze of exhaustion and difficulty focusing. I'm not sure how I've managed to do it.

The fatigue of chronic fatigue syndrome goes far beyond feeling physical exhaustion. It seeps into our ability to think, focus, read, write, concentrate and speak. When it lifts, I savor it.

It's always been challenging for me to explain to people that I haven't been able to read books and that, instead, I've consumed all of my books via audio. While it took me a while to get used to listening go audio books, once I did, it was something that could help me escape long periods of time when I couldn't sit up or was in too much pain or too weak to do anything else.

People often assume that I have a lot of time to read and do leisure activities, but the reality is that my concentration is so limited that I am quite limited in what I can do and have to be very choosy about what I do.

Lots of Cheesy Reading!

So far, I've just been reading whatever I stumble upon--Pretty Little Liars from a Little Free Library (I wanted to see what all the fuss was about over this series ), a Nicholas Sparks book a friend gave me because it takes place in Sunset Beach, NC. (How does this guy get published with his writing?)

Right now, it's not so much about quality as it is about the pure joy of reading and being engaged in a story.

I'm currently working with an organizer to dig out from under 43 years of crap. That means that I'm finding some treasures in the basement.

I found a few oldies but goodies to read.

Last night I started Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. 

What a joy to read again! A big bonus is that being able to read before bed, escape into a story and stop my racing thoughts seems to have significantly improved my ability to get to sleep and stay asleep. 

I love young adult books, easy reads or books you remember loving from childhood, but I'm willing to try just about any genre or book, so bring on the recommendations for some books you think I might be able to READ! :)

It's getting late, and my book is calling my name...

Blessings,

Emily