Kristina, Anton and...Authenticity

Baby Anton

Because of my time without a computer (and also an internet company switch that meant we had a speed of 1 Mbps until I straightened that out as well), I have a bit of catching up to do. I'll intersperse a couple of fun posts in between the 'educational' ones for Dysautonomia Awareness Month. :)

In my early days on FB, I LOVED it because of all of the new connections I made, the reconnections I made and the connections I was able to further nurture. After 17 years, I reconnected with a woman who had been in my saxophone rank during high school marching band. I had always loved her spirit, sweetness and sense of humor. 

After not seeing each other for all of those years, we got together in 2011 a couple of times and life kinda got in the way and we didn't see each other again. We remedied that recently with a visit--and this time I also got to meet her four-week old baby Anton! :)

After my first visit with Kristina in 2011, I was so moved by her willingness and openness to quickly adapt to my needs. We even went to a movie together with her older son, Karl, and she carried my reclining chair for me. She just didn't seem phased--and it's so hard for me to let others do these things for me. Karl didn't mind, and we all enjoyed Winnie the Pooh on the big screen.

Shortly after Kristina's visits, I saw a letter to Dear Abby in which Abby's response made me angry. My interactions with Kristina moved me to write a letter for the first time ever to Dear Abby, which was published in an edited form.

Kristina and Anton

August 2011

Dear Abby:

"Unsure out West" recently wrote to you asking how she should respond to old friends reaching out to her after she reluctantly joined Facebook. You suggested that instead of being honest about her struggles she should "spin" the truth. Not only did you minimize Unsure Out West's struggles, but you also missed an opportunity to encourage her to be honest with old friends in a way that might ultimately bring her much needed support. When did it become taboo to be sad or struggling in our culture?

I am 35 years old, and I, too, was well-liked, active, and graduated with honors. After college, I became sick with a debilitating chronic illness that leaves me mostly homebound. Missing out on marriage, children, grandchildren, career, further schooling, and good health are tremendous losses. When an old friend reaches out to me on FB, I ask them how they are doing, discuss a common interest, and tell them that I struggle with major health issues. Those who want to know more will ask. They will read my profile or my blog. 

Just yesterday I spent part of my afternoon with a friend I had not seen or been in touch with for over 17 years until we found each other on Facebook. She was willing to accommodate to my limitations and showed incredible compassion and empathy. We spent two hours catching up on common friends, politics, religion, knitting, cooking, reading AND my health. While not everyone will respond this way, it is worth finding those who will. 

What I want to say to Unsure Out West is this: by not being authentic and sharing your reality (within reason), you may be missing out on opportunities to reconnect with those who loved you and will still love you. The risks I have taken to be honest about my new reality have been overwhelmingly rewarded with love and support. Since I am mostly homebound, online support is crucial, and much of mine has come through Facebook. You are not less or inadequate because of your struggles. Those who love you will appreciate your struggles, admire your efforts at healing, offer empathy and compassion, and give you much needed support. You may also find that while others are putting forth a 'happy face', they too have struggles with whom they would like a safe place to share them. Your life, and theirs, will be enriched.

Please, be honest with old friends you'd like to reconnect with. Don't 'spin' the truth so much that people think everything is just peachy.

Emily in Pennsylvania

Hooray for Reconnecting!

I continue to believe deeply in authenticity. I try to be that person here on my blog and in my every day life. Thanks to all of you who embrace the authentic me, including you Kristina. And thanks to all of you who share your authentic selves with me.

Thanks so much for the visit! We will not be waiting three more years to see each other again!

Blessings,

Emily