Crash, Boom, Boom!

"Hope is the hardest love we carry..."

--excerpted from a poem by Jane Hirshfield--

Okay, so I have 'officially' crashed. I guess I'm long overdue for a crash, but that never seems to make it easier.

I've been very blessed this summer with mild crashes in between 'windows' of feeling 'better' (better being relative). For the most part, the crashes have been predictable, following my antibiotic schedule or visitors.

With this crash, I'm not sure what has precipitated it. And sometimes there is very little purpose in asking "Why?" But, it's hard not to.

This time around I can't tell if it is 1. A typical herx from the antibiotics, 2. The new pain medication I started--Neurontin, 3. Just my body saying stop and rest after a very busy summer, or 4. A combination of one or more of the above!


I always know the crashes will come, but I never know when they will come, how fiercely they will come, or how long they will last. And somehow, they NEVER get easier. I haven't figured this out yet! I know they will come, I know they will pass, but I still get blindsided and emotionally overwhelmed every time.

So, I've done my fair share of whining, as usual. (Yes, I seem to be having a bit of a pity party for myself--not sure why! Time to alert Whine-1-1 (a term coined by a fellow DINET member))And I'll spend the time making myself as comfortable as possible (hard to do when I feel like I am going to pass out, my heart is pounding, I'm sweating up a storm, I have chest pain, every muscle in my body aches, etc. etc. and so on! And all I want to do is sleep, but my body doesn't want to!).

I'll cuddle with my Asher Dasher, my new teddy bear, Slumbers (from Miss Alexandra and family), listen to soothing music on my iPod, and maybe some of a fun children's book on tape.

I'm hoping this will pass in the next few days, as my uncle is coming for a visit on Monday and I am so excited to see him that I want to feel a bit perkier! I haven't seen him in five years. I always hope I'm getting the crash out of my system before company comes and then I will feel good when they are here. This has been working so far this summer! It reminds me of the 'bad dress rehearsal, good performance' phrase for some reason.

Thankfully, I do have my blog in place now to help especially during times when I can't be in touch.

I've got so many of you to catch up with on email...please remember that my lack of response is not because I don't care or because you are not in my thoughts. I hate so much that I can't write the emails I'm lying here writing to each of you in my head! Too bad my gmail can't just read my mind and type it out for me! Haha!

Aaaaaah, and I thought I was sorta kinda catching up on my to-do list and tackling, bit by bit, my inbox. Grrrrrrrr.............

So, until this crash is over I will:

Retreat.
Hibernate.
Rest.
Wait patiently.

Blessings,

Emily

Photo: Slumbers--my new teddy bear from Alexandra and family. His arrival seems to have been just in time!

Poem: Introduced to me by a fellow DINET member also suffering from chronic Lyme.