Just as Loralea departed, Angela called to say, "Hey Em, I'm making a last minute trip home for Father's Day weekend! I know your pooped from all your visitors--and I wish that I could space them out for you more--but if you're up for a visit, I'd love to see you." At the time Ang called I was feeling pretty 'down and out' about life in general as I neared my nine year anniversary. I told Ang I'd love to see her, but I wasn't sure she'd want to put up with me! She said not to worry about my state of mind, she wanted to see me anyways.
I share this exchange because it is so 'classic Angela'--always loving, always considerate, always faithful, always loyal, always honest, always catching me when I fall, always genuine, always a great listener and problem solver, and always, always going above and beyond to make time for me.
If she has a lunch time when she has time to chat, she'll call me because she knows it's my 'awake time' of the day. When she is in town for a visit with her family, she plans her time to be here when she knows I can be awake and always squeezes in time for me. Honestly, with her busy NYC style life, she never ceases to amaze me. I never fall off her radar.
I know she's reading this blog and, in typical Ang fashion, completely NOT taking in these compliments. I'm the mush of the two of us. I'm the one who loves to say "I love you", she's the one who demonstrates her love through actions--her calls, her emails, her visits.
I share this exchange because it is so 'classic Angela'--always loving, always considerate, always faithful, always loyal, always honest, always catching me when I fall, always genuine, always a great listener and problem solver, and always, always going above and beyond to make time for me.
If she has a lunch time when she has time to chat, she'll call me because she knows it's my 'awake time' of the day. When she is in town for a visit with her family, she plans her time to be here when she knows I can be awake and always squeezes in time for me. Honestly, with her busy NYC style life, she never ceases to amaze me. I never fall off her radar.
I know she's reading this blog and, in typical Ang fashion, completely NOT taking in these compliments. I'm the mush of the two of us. I'm the one who loves to say "I love you", she's the one who demonstrates her love through actions--her calls, her emails, her visits.
Angela and I have been friends since fourth grade. Our friendship is my 'oldest' in years. Never, in our entire friendship, can I remember a rift worth, well, remembering. Of course we had petty things I'm sure--we were teenagers once upon a time (and teenage girls are the worst!). Our friendship has remained, no matter how long we may go between seeing each other or getting to talk on the phone, stable and constant.
When I first got sick, I remember Angela feeling scared as to how it might change our friendship. What would we 'do'? Now we could just hang out and talk. (I don't know why she had any doubts...we spent our teenage years with our ears attached to the phone and forcing ourselves to get off of the phone by counting to three and making ourselves hang up! Haha!)
Honestly, we've just grown closer. Angela taught me that friends who are the same at the 'core' will remain friends as the other layers peel away. With other people, we may start out as 'great friends' but as the layers peel away, the friendship doesn't make it. Well, we've peeled away the layers, and we still love each other. What started out as doing every single school project possible together, homework over the phone, and playing at each others' houses has grown into an adult friendship that is so precious and so rare.
How many friends do we keep for such a long time? How many friends do we find who love us since we are so young? How many friends do we find who no matter the distance between us, no matter the life circumstances, they are always there?
Angela's visit began a real turning point for me emotionally and spiritually. At the time she arrived we were both struggling in our own ways, but on a basic level we both felt, as she taught me 'too chaotic in the head' (a Buddhist saying her mother had just taught her). Ang and I are both out-loud processors (and over-analyzers of everything!) and we fall right into helping each other process whatever is going on the second we see each other. As much as we still love to talk on the phone, when we see each other in person the visit is beyond amazing!
I was struggling with a failing friendship, a feeling of failure at relationships, the intangible process of chronic illness and healing, my feelings that I can't ever keep up with what I want to, and my lack of tangible things in my life that nourish me. I was also, quite plainly, sad and in pain over the losses and grief I felt relating to another anniversary. I was definitely feeling like Little Miss Grumbolina!
She's essentially grown up in this house, as I've lived here since I was nine months old, so she helps herself to water and hanging up her coat and making herself comfy. And we dig in to the hard stuff of life.
I don't have to filter for Ang. I don't have to be anyone other than me. Even if that's a 'me' that's struggling to find my way. After I posted about my nine year anniversary (soon after her visit) she emailed me to remind me that sick or not, she was going to be there alongside me.
When I first got sick, I remember Angela feeling scared as to how it might change our friendship. What would we 'do'? Now we could just hang out and talk. (I don't know why she had any doubts...we spent our teenage years with our ears attached to the phone and forcing ourselves to get off of the phone by counting to three and making ourselves hang up! Haha!)
Honestly, we've just grown closer. Angela taught me that friends who are the same at the 'core' will remain friends as the other layers peel away. With other people, we may start out as 'great friends' but as the layers peel away, the friendship doesn't make it. Well, we've peeled away the layers, and we still love each other. What started out as doing every single school project possible together, homework over the phone, and playing at each others' houses has grown into an adult friendship that is so precious and so rare.
How many friends do we keep for such a long time? How many friends do we find who love us since we are so young? How many friends do we find who no matter the distance between us, no matter the life circumstances, they are always there?
Angela's visit began a real turning point for me emotionally and spiritually. At the time she arrived we were both struggling in our own ways, but on a basic level we both felt, as she taught me 'too chaotic in the head' (a Buddhist saying her mother had just taught her). Ang and I are both out-loud processors (and over-analyzers of everything!) and we fall right into helping each other process whatever is going on the second we see each other. As much as we still love to talk on the phone, when we see each other in person the visit is beyond amazing!
I was struggling with a failing friendship, a feeling of failure at relationships, the intangible process of chronic illness and healing, my feelings that I can't ever keep up with what I want to, and my lack of tangible things in my life that nourish me. I was also, quite plainly, sad and in pain over the losses and grief I felt relating to another anniversary. I was definitely feeling like Little Miss Grumbolina!
She's essentially grown up in this house, as I've lived here since I was nine months old, so she helps herself to water and hanging up her coat and making herself comfy. And we dig in to the hard stuff of life.
I don't have to filter for Ang. I don't have to be anyone other than me. Even if that's a 'me' that's struggling to find my way. After I posted about my nine year anniversary (soon after her visit) she emailed me to remind me that sick or not, she was going to be there alongside me.
She wrote: "It has been hard traveling this journey over the last 9 years alongside you. But, it has only been hard from a friend's perspective because I can't do anything to make you better. You always amaze me with your presence and energy when you are able to share it and your insight and perspective. I hope you are nearing the end of having to acknowledge 'getting sick' anniversaries and we can celebrate other things together instead. But, regardless of what is to come, you know I'll still be hanging around."
The power of such words from those I love the most is overwhelming when experiencing a dark night of the soul.
She taught me a Chinese idiom that day she visited. It related to the idea that our heads can get too chaotic, and when they do it is like we are looking through a fogged up mirror. When we give ourselves time and have the space to gain perspective, the mirror begins to clear.
That day, the mirror did begin to clear. And it has been clearing ever since.
Thanks Ang, for the perfect timing of your visit, for another great phone visit on Monday this week, and for the gift of YOU in my life.
Much love,
Em
Photo: Ang (in her jeans because "no one wears shorts in the city"! I told her she wasn't in the city now!) and me (too bad I didn't have my new 'do' yet, so I could have looked more NYC stylish too!)
No comments:
Post a Comment