I can't believe almost a month has passed since Carrie and Sam were here for a whirlwind visit from June 24Th to June 25Th (I think they were here just over 24 hours, but we sure packed in a LOT during that visit!)What a VANTASTICK conclusion to my Davidson summer! (Vantastick is a play off of their last name, so they call themselves the Vantasticks--which, they are of course, fantastic!). The visit, again, exceeded any expectations I could have had (I have learned from my great spiritual teacher, Maxine, not to 'set expectations' anymore because this way I am not disappointed if it doesn't turn out the way I 'expected').
First, when they left I felt so emotionally and spiritually full. Second, I was able to pack in an unbelievable amount of visiting time that I could not have done even a few months ago. We stayed up until 11:30--at which point Carrie was the one falling asleep! I was in high gear because my ANS was keeping me awake with shakes and sweats, but I was still trooping along. Carrie has visited me many, many times since I have been sick (I've been soooo spoiled by this), so she has seen the absolute worst and everything in between. She even observed how joyful she felt over the difference in how I fared during their visit this year as compared to this time last year when they visited.
Upon arrival Carrie and Sam promptly settled into their B and B room for a nap. When I woke up at my usual 1:00 pm time, they were still sleeping. Carrie had pushed to get on the road early in the morning so that she wouldn't miss a moment of my awake time. My mom said, "They're still sleeping." and I said, "Wake them up!!!". So, I knocked on the wall between our two rooms and Carrie came right into my room.
She immediately crawled right next to me on the bed and we hugged, stroked each other's hair, and just enjoyed being in one another's presence. We immediately connected and fell right back into being together. The whole visit felt this amazingly intimate, wonderful and affirming.
I've only known Sam a short time--as this was only my second visit with him--but he too is the easiest and most pleasant person to have around. As you can see above, Carrie and Sam were 'in charge' of dinner. Mom had made Paella in advance, but Carrie and Sam made salad, and got everything else set up for dinner. They even load and unload the dishwasher when they are here!
During her visits, Carrie has always seamlessly adapted and accommodated to my schedule, willingly done any household chores, or taken care of anything I needed done without complaint and without ever seeming as if it is in any way a burden. The first time I met Sam, the two of them came into my bedroom where I was resting, and sat right down next to the bed (me in PJs, with morning breath and looking perfectly ghastly!) as if it was perfectly normal for them both. I really think being able to do this for a sick friend is such an incredible art on their part, and such a wonderful gift to receive.
We filled our whole day with real and genuine conversations. I was still in a not-so-great place emotionally and spiritually (still reeling from that 'ol anniversary) when they were here. Both listened to me so carefully and helped me process. I was still struggling with the issues I raised with Angela, and how to take back control of my life.
I'm typically not super comfortable around men, but Sam makes it a breeze. He also helps bring in a different perspective. I struggle a lot wondering if I did feel well enough to date or marry if anyone would see who I am other than this illness. My girlfriends can tell me from now until the cows come home that they believe in me and that someone will love me for who I am--but it does help to have someone like Sam (who is a great guy and the husband of my best friend from college) give his two cents. He reminds me that great guys are out there, and so are great marriages--and I'll just be counting on Sam and Carrie as my matchmakers when the time is right! Okay, now, girls, your opinions DO matter and Sam's doesn't trump all your kind words! :)
Sam and Carrie have had a whirlwind year so we had a lot of catching up to do, as Carrie and I have not had a lot of our usual 'phone time' since she graduated from her MFA program at Yale, they got married, moved to a new city, and started new jobs all at the same time! For me, it's been a hard adjustment getting used to the decreased frequency of our long phone calls and emails. With each friend that starts a career or gets married or adds a child (or another child) to their family, the ability to keep in touch is naturally and realistically altered. With each friend, I struggle to find where I fit into her life and how to best be a friend without being a burden.
Carrie and I have reached a maturity in our relationship now that we can truthfully talk through this hard 'stuff' of life, and the three of us were able to discuss this new change in our relationship openly.
Although Carrie and I might not be able to be in touch as frequently now as we used to be, what her visits always confirm is that 1. she makes an INCREDIBLE effort to make time for me, and 2. when she is here (or able to talk on the phone) she is FULLY PRESENT with me, in the moment, and enjoying being here. These are true gifts. Travelling here is quite a journey for her and Sam. And she assures me that I WILL see her once a year--and that, in and of itself, demonstrates her commitment to this friendship.
Carrie and I met at Davidson on move-in day. We were freshman hall mates, Davidson dance troupe co-directors, and roommates for 1 1/2 years. Freshman year we were often mistaken for twins on our way to the dining hall together (often dressed in our matching jean overalls). Honestly, I don't think either one of us can figure out HOW anyone could think we were twins???!!!! But we certainly have been connected in a deep way for almost 14 years.The two of us have had our share of struggles and ups and downs in our friendship. Sometimes one or both of us thought we might lose each other. I don't know why we struggled so, but we look back and know it was part of 'growing up'. I suppose any two people who spend so much time together--living together, directing dance troupe together--and under the stress of Davidson are bound to encounter conflict.
Last year, when she asked me to be her maid of honor in her wedding, I was so moved. I knew that we were friends for life, no matter what. I knew Carrie wasn't going anywhere. And Carrie shows me that over and over again. Having her and Sam here is heaven.
As our day together drew to a close we walked into Carrie and Sam's room, where I layed on the bed and they promptly fell onto the bed also. The three of us (with Carrie in the middle) just layed there on our backs and enjoyed a few last moments in each other's presence. However, as we peacefully tried to enjoy this moment Asher found Sam and Carrie's bare toes irresistible! Then, he pounced on the bed with us and we ended the night in hysterics. (Sam, where are those pictures you promised that you took of Asher demonstrating his foot fetish!?)
I was able to get up the next day at lunch time, throw on some hose and clothes, squeeze in a few more moments with them and a few more hugs to top off a perfect visit. I had asked sheepishly the night before if I would see them again, and Carrie assured me that I would see them next year. So, as we hugged goodbye and I watched them pull out of the driveway, I held closely to those words', "We'll see you next year!"
So, Carrie, I thank you for sticking it out with me. For getting through those crazy college years. For committing yourself to this friendship. For taking time out of your hectic schedule to travel all this way. And Sam, I thank you for making Carrie so incredibly happy, for helping Carrie and I to nurture our friendship by travelling here, and now, for becoming my friend too.
After Carrie and Sam left, just as after Angela left, my heart was full. And my foggy mirror continued to clear. (Boy, if only we could use a 'defrost' button like in cars and not have to do all this emotional work, life would be so much easier!). The hardest part after Carrie leaves is that I just miss her MORE. In just 24 hours I get used to having her around, like having her as a roommate in college!
As always, thank you for the blessing of your visit. I can't wait to see you next year! You're VANTASTICK!
Lots of love,
Emily
Photos: Hanging out under the maple tree. Sam enjoying being surrounded on either side by two beautiful women (haha!) No worries, he only has eyes for his wife! :); Carrie and Sam getting dinner ready when I woke up from my nap; All of us under the maple tree again--even though it's not as 'flattering' because it's less 'posed', we're all laughing and my eyes are all squished up, I love this picture because it shows how much joy we were all truly feeling to be together.
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