Buried Under, Digging Out

Jenna--Organizer Extraordinaire

For so many years I've felt buried in clutter, weighed down by stuff I don't even know I have, unable to find the things I actually want to be able to find, yet not well enough to tackle the stuff that leaves me feeling buried under.

I've worked with organizers here and there, but I've never found a gem of a person and the perfect fit for me until Jenna. 

It is such a relief to find the right personality match for such an undertaking.

In the past, organizers would rush me through decisions faster than my brain-fogged mind could keep up or give me assignments that I couldn't accomplish during the week or push me past where my energy levels could keep up.

Finally, with Jenna we work at a slower pace. I'm able to take the time to go through things, look at them one more time, and say goodbye. 

Running out of Time to Organize before Kale Arrived!

Rebekah was a wonderful caregiver for me who also chipped in with massages and organizing, but then she got prego and I haven't had help since 2009! :) Thankfully, she still an amazing friend. As you can see, I was using my recliner and pull-out sofa to survive, printing emails and not able to do anything physical to keep up. Rebekah would work while I stayed in the recliner.

Rebekah in 2009

Now that I'm working with Jenna, I've let go of all of my clothes that no longer fit, which means letting go of an unrealistic expectation of 'getting back into my skinny clothes'. 

Now that I've let go of being a mom, getting rid of my own childhood memories and belongings feels less painful and stressful. 

I don't want to keep carrying this weight of stuff around with me. I'm ready to dig out from under the years of stuff that have been piling up.

Not only have we lived in the same house for 43 years, but for the past 21 years I've been sick. That has meant little energy was left for organizing. We dealt with crisis after crisis by having my mom scoop up any items and papers in my room, throw them in a box and stick them in the basement. We've been in survival mode for so very long.

Today happened to be Severe ME/CFS Day, and it's hard to think back on those days that were all about survival, going days or weeks without leaving the house--and doing so mostly to go to appointments. The fact that I'm able to have Jenna here helping me organize and work on finding my way through the stuff that has piled up over those years makes me one of the lucky ones--to no longer be living with one of the most severe cases of ME/CFS.

I'm thankful that, as exhausting as the organizing is physically and mentally, I am able to finally pursue the desire to simplify my life, let go of the past, and only be surrounded by things I really need and want.

Blessings,

Emily

After 18 Years, I'm Reading Again...

First Novel I've Ready Since 2001!

One of the improvements in my health I'm most excited about is being able to do some light reading again.

After 18 years (yes, 18 years...) of not being able to focus to read a book, I'm finally able to read a book again.

It feels amazing.

Some of 2018's Beach Reads

I started seeing improvements in 2018 while we were at the beach. I bought magazines (a huge, but favorite, indulgence of mine) and found that I was able to consume more than just People magazine. Don't 't get me wrong, I still love me some People magazine. :)

In 2019, I found I could read more in-depth, smaller print articles in other magazines. But it still had to be fairly easy to consume material. What I could read, how long I could read and how well I could focus changed significantly from 2018 to 2019.

Upping My Game in 2019 at the Beach

Up until now, I've been consuming all of my books via audible. I LOVE audiobooks and still listen to them for my book club books and other more complex stories, but it also feels good (really good) to have the ability and choice to read. 

Over the past 15 years since I first discovered audiobooks (back then they were on cassette or CD!), I have missed the quiet of reading compared to listening to a book. Audiobooks sustained me throughout the years that I could not read a physical book, and I'm so thankful for the ways in which they allow me to still have books and stories in my life.

Thanks for the Rec, Kate!

One day this Spring while we were out for our evening walk, I spotted The Kiss Quotient in one of the Little Free Libraries near our house. 

It's the first novel I've read since 2001! 

I've never been into reading romance novels, but I certainly enjoyed the protagonist, Stella, as she struggled to believe that someone would see her as more than her disability. 

I loved this part of the story, especially since after the ending of another long term relationship, I'm back in the dating game again:

"She had a disorder, but it didn't define her. She was Stella. She was a unique person."

Stella worries that once Michael knows the label for her eccentricities, she will be 'less'.

I so 'get' this!

I Love Being Able to Mark Passages!

One of the most difficult parts of living with chronic fatigue syndrome is explaining how difficult simple tasks, such as reading, become. Reading online is still very difficult for me. For most of my 21 years of being sick, the brain fog has been overwhelming and consuming. When I listen to a friend talk I'm fighting so hard to remember what they just said. When I try to read, I might read the same sentence over and over again without comprehending. Forcing myself to read or push through the symptoms just exacerbates my autonomic system making me fueled wired and sicker. 

As my fatigue has lifted in other ways, I've noticed that some days I can actually concentrate without feeling like I am pushing through a miserable fog. Other days are still very difficult. Much of the writing I have done over the years has been through a complete haze of exhaustion and difficulty focusing. I'm not sure how I've managed to do it.

The fatigue of chronic fatigue syndrome goes far beyond feeling physical exhaustion. It seeps into our ability to think, focus, read, write, concentrate and speak. When it lifts, I savor it.

It's always been challenging for me to explain to people that I haven't been able to read books and that, instead, I've consumed all of my books via audio. While it took me a while to get used to listening go audio books, once I did, it was something that could help me escape long periods of time when I couldn't sit up or was in too much pain or too weak to do anything else.

People often assume that I have a lot of time to read and do leisure activities, but the reality is that my concentration is so limited that I am quite limited in what I can do and have to be very choosy about what I do.

Lots of Cheesy Reading!

So far, I've just been reading whatever I stumble upon--Pretty Little Liars from a Little Free Library (I wanted to see what all the fuss was about over this series ), a Nicholas Sparks book a friend gave me because it takes place in Sunset Beach, NC. (How does this guy get published with his writing?)

Right now, it's not so much about quality as it is about the pure joy of reading and being engaged in a story.

I'm currently working with an organizer to dig out from under 43 years of crap. That means that I'm finding some treasures in the basement.

I found a few oldies but goodies to read.

Last night I started Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. 

What a joy to read again! A big bonus is that being able to read before bed, escape into a story and stop my racing thoughts seems to have significantly improved my ability to get to sleep and stay asleep. 

I love young adult books, easy reads or books you remember loving from childhood, but I'm willing to try just about any genre or book, so bring on the recommendations for some books you think I might be able to READ! :)

It's getting late, and my book is calling my name...

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: You Want Us to Pose Together? Forget it!

Whenever we are freshly groomed, Mommy wants to get cute pictures of us. 

But we don't really like to cooperate, especially at the same time.

We don't like to look at the camera at the same time or be next to one another or miss out on chasing a truck so...

Instead, you can just see how cute we are individually. 

It was really difficult for Tovah to stay still when so much stuff is happening outside!

But Gershwin was willing to sit still and even smile for one of the pics!

He wanted to show off all side of his personality. His smile, his serious side, 

and his sad sack side. 

Happy Monday to You!

Blessings,

Tovah Rose and Gershwin 

Monday Dog Blog: Happy 7th Birthday to Gershwin!

Birthday Boy Waits for Dinner

Happy birthday to our little boy!

I never tire of your sweet face, those soulful eyes, and your constant desire to be near.

You make us smile every day and we cherish your snuggles.

Gotcha Day!

It's hard to believe you are seven already. 

Gotcha Day in 2012!

In our hearts if feels as if you were always meant to be ours, and yet it feels as if you should still be a puppy.

You've certainly loved to snuggle since the day we met you.

Soaking in Birthday Snuggles

We tried to spoil you lots on your special day--from your "Happy Barkday to Me" bandana to your snuggle time to opening gifts with your sister to adding a little salmon to your dinner to letting you have three pieces of popcorn for a snack! We even ALL had some Rita's Italian ice as our celebratory dessert. That felt fitting given the Real Feel temps over 100 degrees.

Present Time

We know your new SiliDog tag didn't seem very exciting when you got it out of the box, but it sure does look handsome on you and will keep you safe.

Anything Else in this Box?!

Tovah is a BIG Help

Tovah really liked helping you with your gift, especially shredding the tissue paper.

Birthday Kisses

We sang to you many times and kissed you lots.

My Babies

We hope you know how much you are loved.

More Birthday Snuggles

We know your favorite place is next to one of us, always on the left side, which is where you are right now as I type this.

Buddha Tries To Steal His Present!

Happy birthday to your brother, Buddha! He got some special treats for his birthday too.

Ready for His Birthday Dinner

Buddy, Buddy Roe, Speedy, Gershy, Gershwin Leor...we love you so very much.

You are a precious soul and we are so lucky you are ours.

We hope your year is full of all of the snuggles you desire, plenty of greetings from the mail person and trash person, lots of good stuff to pre-wash in the dishwasher, peaceful naps, and time with your sister.

Blessings,

Emily (aka Mommy)

Fest

Gallery Girl Jen and Me.
She's Awesome and her Art is Part of my Life Every Day

When I am engaged in the arts, my soul is happy.

Friends have been texting me to ask how Arts Fest was this year and if I was able to go, so I thought it was high time I just wrote a blog post about it!

I really enjoyed Fest this year and, for the most part, the weather even cooperated!

The Street Where We Found all of Our Goodies This Year

Our favorite day and time to go to Fest is Thursday evening--when all of the locals are out and before town is packed full to the brim with people.

We headed down to the Maine Bay and Berry Company food stand for 'naked' lobster rolls, while sitting in the parklet listening to the Zeropoint Big Band. Delicious!

Afterwards, I was able to walk around about half of the festival (about an hour) before I needed to stop, and we headed to hear some music in the church by the Celtic group, Poor Man's Gambit. Such incredible talent!

John and Shirley Furches
Purchased Something for a Friend!

We were able to go back to Fest again on Friday evening, too! This time, we just walked the campus part of the festival and I found a pair of umbrella seed pod stud earrings that I purchased. 

I admit that I was too tired to make it back to the car by the time we had walked for 1 1/2 hours, and waited for Mom to go get the car and pick me up!

Kate!

Still, I managed to make the turnaround to go see a Saturday afternoon performance by a friend's son--circus work like the swing, straps and silks with ballet and acrobatics. It was amazing.

Afterwards, Kate picked me up downtown and headed back to my house to catch up a bit. I was getting a bit sleepy on her (sorry, Kate!), but will see her again soon for our 25th high school reunion.

Candiss Cole--Proud Owner of Two of Her Dresses!

Sunday was quite hot, but I really wanted to go back to purchase an item for a friend from the couple in the photo above. I'd seen it on Friday and just had to go back for it!

Then, we ended up stopping at a favorite booth of mine--and trying on dresses. Mom got me the one I'm wearing in the picture above as an early birthday present. :) 

I think I will wear it to services tonight! 

On Monday, I was able to manage well even after all that we did and got to see Miss Lana for lunch. Love her in her shades! :)

Lunch with Lana

Instead of focusing only on the artists booths this year, Mom and I decided to take in some of the food and the entertainment, and I'm so glad that we mixed things up because every part of Fest that we got to be a part of was perfect.

Another great year of Fest in the books! It's hard to believe I've known some of these artists--particularly Gallery Girl Jen whose art is in my bathroom--since I started being able to go to Fest a few years ago in the Rolls. One of my favorite parts of Fest is meeting the artist and chatting with them year after year.

There are so many wonderful things about living where we do that it's hard to choose the best of the best, but Fest has been a part of my life since I was a little girl and the memories of it are fond and enduring--the ring I found for my 21st birthday and still wear; the times we spent with friends on Old Main lawn listening to music and dancing; the jewelry I've found the past few years and the artists I've come to know; the friends who come to town every year for Fest; the artwork I've saved to buy and decorated my room with; the time I've spent with my mom walking around Fest, even as a little girl; the strawberry smoothies and ice cream we always ate on hot days; the years I marched in the parade; the years I sold my own homemade items during Children's Day. 

Thank you, Fest.

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Holiday Weekends

Hey! Gershwin here.

Mommy thinks it's funny when I sit like this.

I want to know how your holiday weekend was?

Ours was quite relaxing.

As you can see, I couldn't even (didn't want to!) move when Mommy was trying to make the bed.

We don't like the fireworks. At. All. 

But otherwise, we had a good weekend.

We really know how to chill out. Look at Tovah! She went from enjoying the view to sacked out!

I always sleep with *my* head resting on one of my stuffies, so I cannot figure out why Tovah likes to sleep like this!

Whatever works, right?

As long as we get plentiful naps, we are happy.

We hope that reading this post right after a holiday weekend isn't making YOU want to suddenly crawl under your desk and nap too! ;)

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Jumping into Monday like...

As most of our readers know, Thursday is our very favorite day here. That's because we get to see the recycling truck, the mail woman, AND our very friendly trash man.

Mommy and Mom make sure we get to go outside to say hi!

We know you'll fee better about Monday after you watch how happy we are about the simple joys in life.

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

Tovah Rose and Gershwin