Passover: The Freedoms We Celebrate

Spring is definitely here--the sedum are poking through last year's brown stalks, the daffodils are blooming, the redbud is covered in its pink buds, the forsythia are almost ready to 'pop', the burning bush, dappled willows, viburnum, and spirea are all budding. 

And while Spring is often one of my difficult seasons, this Spring I'm feeling hopeful, joyful and alive. 

I've spent many a Spring too sick to enjoy being a part of all of its joys, and instead felt as if I'm only an observer of its beauty.

This year we celebrated Passover with the same folks we shared Hanukkah--Jeannine, Barbara and Marge. 

Passover is all about freedom--whether it's the freedom we celebrate as Jews who are no longer slaves or freedom to make our own choices, to say 'yes' when others say 'no', to wear the clothes we like, to listen to the music we want or any of the many other freedoms we enjoy every day--freedoms that, with a heavy heart, we recognize so many people in the world still do not enjoy.

This Passover celebration was one of my all-time favorites because I felt well enough to fully enjoy the food, the company, and the Haggadah. 

Some years, I've been so weak and sick that I'd sit in my recliner struggling to read the Haggadah, gasping for breath as I read passages out loud. I didn't feel well enough to have company, so Mom and I would celebrate just the two of us. While those Passovers together just the two of us were special, the joy of Passover is so much greater when it is shared with others.

Our little group spent three hours together talking, reading our children's Haggadah, eating Mom's wonderful chicken soup, tzimmes, salmon, salad, and chocolate chip almond bars. Yes, I needed to recline during the time we were together--but part of Passover is to recline and be comfortable anyways! :)

 I could not stop smiling when I realized I had participated fully in the entire seder without being distracted by feeling unwell!

Sometimes this chronic illness journey can feel like one big journey through the dessert, waiting for the freedoms I no longer have. I still long for many freedoms. At the same time I celebrate all of the new freedoms I have now. 

Marjie has taught me that I can feel sad about what I don't have and grateful for what I do have. 

It's not: 

I am sad that I still need to recline while eating, but I am happy I could last for three hours.

I am sad that I cannot help Mom with all of the Passover preparation, but I am so grateful I helped make the dessert.

It's: 

I'm sad that I need to recline while eating.

I'm happy I could last for three hours.

I'm sad that I cannot help Mom with the Passover preparations.

I'm so happy I was able to help make dessert!

These are separate and distinct items. They are not holding hands. 

Grief and gratitude. Together? Yes. Holding hands. Not necessarily.

Being able to fully enjoy a three hour Passover meal with Mom and dear friends is a freedom and joy that leaves me grateful and hopeful.

Blessings,

Emily