Kate: Another Great Holiday Visit

Me and Kate. I am so glad I got my hair cut before all of these photo shoots! :)

Today, I had the blessing of seeing another one of my long time friends. After Mom's heart attack Kate reached out and made an extra effort to visit while she was home visiting her parents for the holidays. Kate also wanted to see Mom in the flesh...and give her a little lecture on not giving us any more scares! :) This is good because we all listen to "Take care of yourself" a LOT better from other sources than our immediate family! Ha!


As I speak of often, I struggle a great deal with loneliness. I'm mostly homebound, and often too tired to have visitors, talk on the phone, etc. I pay such a big price physically for the visits and outings that I do have. It feels good to put on 'real clothes' and make-up for a visitor, but it wears me out. Kate said she doesn't care what I look like or what I'm wearing (she doesn't, I know), but it feels good to try to be a little bit 'normal' and 'look healthy' for a couple of hours. By the time I get dressed and put make-up on, I'm pooped, so I see why I don't do that every day yet!


Today, I was reminded again how blessed I am to have friends who I have known and loved for such a very long time. I'm amazed at how we have grown from meeting as girls in seventh grade to women in our mid-thirties who still share such a deep connection. It is so easy to be with Kate and I love how she knows how to make herself right at home!.


Kate and I mostly fell out of touch for a few years during and after college, so it's been great to get reconnected. 


This holiday, I didn't reach out to folks much to see who was going to be in town because I just didn't know how much visiting I might be up to. I had a strong urge to try to get a larger number of our group of girls together all at the same time, but that was just too much to take on this year.  I stink at 'surrendering to whatever may be', but I did this break, and it ended up working out better than I could have ever expected. 


My heart and soul feel so full from my visits with Ang and Kate. Somehow, when I struggle with loneliness, I need to find a way to hold onto the faith that my friends are never far away in spirit.


Now, after my doctor's appointment tomorrow, I think I need a couple of Pajama Days! :)


I love you both!


Blessings,


Emily

Merry Christmas!

Family Photo: Bill, Monica, Meredith, Reese, Jon, Emily, Darrell, Abbie

This year, I was able to go to my Dad and Abbie's house for a short while on Christmas day. We took our first ever family photo of our blended family. All of us together at the same time! I had the camera take 16 photos...and it was still hard to get us all smiling and looking at the camera at the same time. Still, I think we got a couple of good ones. 

Reese says "Drive, Drive, Drive!"

I also met my step-sister Meredith's son, Reese, for the very first time. During the Year of the Pajama, I just couldn't enjoy visitors or company at all. It was so great to finally meet this precious little man and get to enjoy the time with him. I didn't understand too many words he was saying, but he sure can enunciate the word "Drive"! He seems to like his John Deere as much as my dad loves his.

Dad and Abbie

Everyone ate lunch, and then I headed over to join them while they opened presents. Other than opening my (awesome) presents from Meredith and Monica, I just watched everyone else open their stuff. I felt that in order to make the visit 'doable' it would be too much for me to open presents also, so I just got to watch, see what everyone was opening, interact with folks, and be entertained by Reese.  I just would have felt so overstimulated had I tried to watch others and open gifts myself. Dad, Abbie, and I will take an afternoon later this week to open gifts together.

Meredith opens her presents and Reese's too! :) Jon is hiding over on the sofa.

As you can see there was a lot to open. Reese had no interest in opening gifts, so Meredith got double the stuff to unwrap! Dad watched Reese a lot of the time, and it was funny to see him chasing after a toddler! Either Reese is better behaved than I was as a child, or Dad has gotten to be a better 'supervisor' because the afternoon was trouble-free. :) Meredith's husband, Jon, wasn't hamming it up for the camera, so I just have this photo of Meredith.

Bill and Monica being all cute and sweet.

This is my step-sister, Monica, and her husband Bill. Monica is the beauty expert (stocked me up on nail polish. I've already painted my nails purple with my new goodies!) and Meredith is the craft queen (she stocked me up with a doable card-making project that I am super excited about).

One more of the whole family together.

Abbie puts so much time, energy and effort into the holidays, especially Christmas. She decorates, shops, cooks. It was really special to have all of us together for the first time in a very long time, and for the first time since Reese was born. I think it has been since Easter of 2009 that I was over at D and A's for a holiday. 

Hopefully, I'll be making it to more holiday celebrations in the near future, and getting to know everyone, including Reese, better. 

After opening presents, Dad drove me home. I was completely exhausted, and as always, paid a price that night, but it was worth it for the smile on Abbie's face, for seeing everyone, and for finally meeting Reese.

Hope you had a blessed Christmas day,

Emily

Photos: Guess what? I figured out how to do captions, so no need to do this labeling thing at the end now! Now, if I can just learn to use my camera better...wish the lighting wasn't so poor on our family photo!

Holiday Visit from Ang

Tuesday afternoon, Angela came over for her yearly visit. I so look forward to our in person visit each year when she makes it to this part of the country! 


Thanks for making me so happy Ang. Thanks for the goodies and good conversation. It was a perfect and wonderful visit.


Blessings,


Emily

Photo: Me and Angela

Our (Belated) Hanukkah

Hanukkah fell very early this year (early December), when Mom and I were just completely exhausted after her heart attack. We weren't at all ready for, or in the spirit of, Hanukkah.  One of the blessings of Hanukkah, however, IS the fact that it falls during the dark days of winter. The candles serve as a great light for our weary souls. I never do well this time of year, but as is always the case, the light of the candles brought great comfort. 

Mom and I have mostly stopped giving gifts for Hanukkah, and instead choose a few charities to which to donate. This takes a tremendous stress off of both of us, and feels much more enjoyable.  We lit the candles each night, said the prayers, and held hands. Asher wasn't always as observant of prayer time as he should have been! We still use the same prayers that my grandmother did, and we also marked the anniversary of her death and lit her Yahrzeit candle during Hanukkah this year.

Last Saturday, after things had calmed down a (little) bit, Mom and both longed for some sort of outing, some sort of 'normal' activity, and something fun. We're both a bit stir crazy these days!

We went for a beautiful drive in the country, while we listened to the James Taylor and Carole King CD I had given mom as a small Hanukkah gift.

Asher came along too, and I think he thoroughly enjoyed the outing. He knew to bark at the horse and buggy, but seemed completely perplexed by the free range turkeys at the farm we stopped at. 

Our destination was a local pottery shop, to pick out Mom's Hanukkah gift to me: new mugs for tea and a honey pot. I have wanted to go to this shop for a very long time (and we already own several pieces of his pottery), but had never been. I got to go with Mom, pick out the mugs (you must try them out to find the one with the perfect handle and the the glaze just the way you like it!), and chat with the owner. 

Mom also got me a tea infuser, so that I can try brewing loose tea. Another fun food to explore and learn about! I have wanted a new honey pot (ours broke), my own tea mugs, and a tea infuser for a long while now.

On our way home we stopped at an organic Amish farm to buy local farm fresh eggs as well as some raw cacao nibs, which the owner of the pottery shop raved about as a super food. We'll see. First, we have to figure out what to make with this stuff! It is interesting (and exciting) to see some of the Amish farms turning to organic farming now.

Our last stop on the way home was to take pictures of the round barn. I had trouble walking the distance needed for a good photo, but you get a sense of this beautiful structure.  As it was, I had already over done, and payed the price with a sleepless night that evening. (Grrrr....)

 I have loved this landmark ever since I was a little girl.

Mom and I felt like we created a wonderful Hanukkah memory and experience. The pottery shop is definitely a destination in and of itself. We discovered a new organic local farm. The sun was shining. We listened to good music. Asher kept us great company. Mostly, we both felt happy and relaxed!!

I love where we live. There is such bounty to be found in this area, if only we look for it.

Blessings,

Emily

Photos:  Round barn; driving through the country; purchases from our outing; round barn.

Curls

Here are the results of my first hair cut in three months, which I got last Friday...

This is only my second time seeing this new hairdresser. I went in and let her do whatever it was that she wanted to do with my hair.  She knew that I have to take a bath at night, spritz it with water in the morning, scrunch it and leave it go. No hair dryer. Only wash it every other day. Need to go long periods without being able to get a hair cut. Some days I have energy to add product, while other days I do not. 

To cut my hair well, especially with these restrictions, is no easy task! I thought she did an amazing job. Now, if only my hair was still blonde. *sigh*.

I also love that this salon uses the most earth-friendly and organic products as possible. Leaves my body with a few less toxins to fight.

I was so proud of myself for making it out of the house for a haircut. I think I forgot to put deodorant on, but otherwise, I was pretty impressed with myself for getting out of my PJs and putting make-up on! :)

The result: A happy me. And CURLS UNLEASHED! I am loving my new 'do. Amazing how much a hair cut can lift a weary spirit.

Blessings,

Emily

Photos:  Good thing Catie stopped in to walk Asher just when our neighbor brought me home. I had her snap a few photos! :)

One Month Post-Heart Attack

Today we marked one month since Mom's heart attack. 


Since her heart attack, you've probably noticed I've had a difficult time keeping up with any sort of email, blogging, or Facebooking. Our energy has gone into simply surviving our days. We are so ready to crawl into bed by 8 O'Clock at night! Mom does the basics of meal preparation, laundry, shopping, errands, taking care of me and Mr. Fuzz, and dishes, and that does her in.


We've been navigating the new health challenges, lifestyle changes and medical appointments in addition to continuing to deal with my health issues. It's difficult to explain the challenges and paradigm shifts that have been happening in our lives. We have been challenged on so many levels, sometimes to the point of struggling how to navigate our own relationship through this all.


Here's the abbreviated (and 'non-emotional') update on what's been going on the past month:

• Today we received some excellent news in the health care department. Mom's health insurer has been in negotiations with one of the major providers in town. Many people feared that this provider would no longer be covered in-network, but as of today they are. We are so incredibly relieved, as now the doctors that we most want to see will be covered. Phew!

• Originally, Mom had been scheduled to have surgery on her cervical spine today, but is now in the six-month waiting period required after a heart attack. The good news is that she had the heart attack before the surgery. Had she not, what might have happened while she was in surgery is unthinkable. The bad news is that the delay means a long wait to get pain relief and regain the lifestyle she enjoys. The biggest obstacle at this time continues to be her orthopedic challenges, which I had just planned to write about before her heart attack, so there is a bit of an update needed there! 

• We met with a new cardiologist last week. I was able to go along to listen and ask questions. The appointment was wonderful, and we both felt relieved to have better care in place. Mom is now on a fairly standard protocol of Plavix, baby aspirin, Zocor, Toprol, a calcium channel blocker, and something to deal with indigestion (Zantac/ranitidine). We had a much better understanding of what happened and where we go from here. The goal is to keep Mom alive for another 30 years, so she can be just as crabby and cantankerous as my Grandma was in her old age! :) She's finally tolerating the medication choices, with no more rash, and no more 'up all night stomach pain' from the first statin she tried. While I'm still scared that she could have another heart attack, the cardiologist reassured me that the chances of a second even any time soon were not likely.

• She's going to cardiac rehab twice a week, and gradually working up her endurance. Beyond the orthopedic issues, she's mostly fatigued and tired. Understandably.

• We still don't have answers to the source of her anemia, so she was cleared for a colonoscopy in January.  She will be in good hands with the same GI doctor who has helped me with all of my problems, including finally diagnosing my abdominal migraines. 

• Mom resigned from her job at the library after her heart attack. Since then she has also met with her financial planner, which did give us some peace of mind. We'll see if she's really retired for real this time or not! Even before she resigned we had spent a great deal of time discussing the pros and cons of her work schedule and the toll it took on our lives. Still, the resignation came suddenly and not on her own terms--financially or emotionally.  She very much misses those she worked with and the interaction with the patrons, many of whom she had gotten to know well. I miss getting all of the 'scoop' on the town! Our library is such a wonderful community institution, and we both miss being a part of it in the way we were when she worked there. 

• My own health has been poor. I am feeling awful. We are navigating the new treatment path for me at the same time we navigate Mom's new lifestyle and healing. At this point it is very difficult to sort out what is due to stress, anxiety, and depression and what is due to medication changes. I do very poorly with stress, and this has certainly been one of the most stressful and traumatic events of my life. I've been busy working on my own physical and mental health as much as possible too. Before Mom's heart attack, I was already running on empty, so it is very hard to know what is going on. I am not quite ready to blog about where I am at with things, but I have been struggling tremendously. I've had a very difficult time going online and emailing, so I apologize for my quiet, especially during a time of such love and support coming our way.

• Fuzz Face is back to sleeping with me. And Mom is back in her own bed. I finally subscribed to Netflix, and Mom and I have made it a point to watch a movie together once a week. It's one of the only things we can do together right now with how we are both feeling! We are always up for a good movie recommendation! :)

Yes, really, that is the abbreviated version. So many blogs are swimming in my head, but my body and mind have been too tired to write. 

As always, thank you to all of you who continue to support and love us in so many different ways. Currently we are very much enjoying all of the holiday snail mail, and have our piano covered in your lovely cards and photos. (I mean, what else is the piano used for these days? It makes a great display area! :)) Going to the mailbox is one of my 'favorite things', but seriously, it could be a tad bit warmer outside!

We know that this time of year can often bring a variety of emotions. Some of us love this season, finding it joyful and exhilarating, while others of us struggle with the expectations, the stress, and loss. We are certainly keeping a low-profile this holiday season!

Blessings,

Emily

Photo:  Vegetarian meal from our friend. It was AMAZING. We even fell in love with the super food kale, which Mom has tried to cook several times without us finding a way to enjoy it. This was a meal made with great care and love, and enjoyed very, very much! And look, the plate she brought was pink!