The Perfect Prescription

After I wrote my update on the Lyme 'Battle' and the decisions ahead I talked through my anxieties with Maxine during our weekly bodywork session. She suggested that I email Dr. ANS and let him know what was going on and how anxious I was about the decisions ahead.

I felt slightly uncomfortable emailing him that Thursday, July 30th because I didn't have all of my information 'in place'. I was trying to just get an email out to him before he left on vacation. I knew in my heart that if I emailed the most trusted member of my medical team and got some feedback, I would calm down. I was in a place of panic, of feeling completely overwhelmed, and of being unable to handle the decisions ahead on my own.

I've read his email over and over and over again. I immediately took his words to heart and began to change the way I had been operating. I still read it at least once a day to remind myself how to focus my energy. Here is part of what he wrote:

I know that anxiety is not an easy issue to manage, and that it isn't possible to "just relax" as a means of addressing the worries you have right now. They are legitimate. But, you also have the insight to know that you are spinning the worries a bit more out of orbit than is good for you right now. I think it would be sensible to take a "respite" from thinking about the port and Rocephin for the next month, and instead work on increasing your activity, enjoying the walks and social life while you are off antibiotics, and then in a month return to "what to do." I think the right decision will be more evident to you after a month of improved function, much in the way an answer to a dilemma is apparent after sleeping on the issue for a night. You aren't going to make a decision until you speak with [Dr. Lyme] again in a month anyway, so why drive yourself crazy by thinking about it each day? To the extent that you can put it aside for a month, I'd try to do that, and not even discuss it with friends and family for now: make it an off-limits topic. I don't mean that to be patronizing, so I hope that doesn't come across in my wording. More of an encouragement to take a holiday from the cognitive burdens of the uncertainty. OK, over and out!

Enjoy my social life? Take a break? Stop trying to solve all of my medical stuff for a while? Not talk about the decisions?

What a novel concept! It was the best prescription I think I've ever gotten! A permission slip to take a break. It's like recess!

While I have not been able to completely avoid talking about the upcoming decisions because I've still had doctor's appointments, phone calls to make, etc. I have kept the discussion to a minimum--mostly only bringing it up to Mom or Dad. Some days it's easier than others.

In the past couple of days I've noticed that I seem to have plateaued; I'm feeling like I know my body is ready to go back on antibiotics; Maxine and I have noticed a change in my body when I get massages. It's made me sad to realize how quickly the time went. I talk to Dr. Lyme on the 20th (next Thursday), so we will likely make the final decisions about the next step then.

Dr. ANS is able to take into account me as a whole person, as a human being. He's able to really tune into my needs as a patient on all levels.

What I needed the most the day that I emailed him was to be held in the palm of his hand, nurtured, and comforted. There wasn't anything he could really do 'medically' other than to prescribe some much needed respite.

I'm constantly humbled by this doctor--his compassion, his humanity, his intelligence, his individualized care. Having him on my team is true gift.

Blessings,

Emily

Photo: Sedum in the yard. Looks like fall is closer than I want it to be!