The 'Don't Know' Mind

Maxine is more than one of my massage therapists. She is my spiritual guide, my spiritual mentor, my spiritual counselor. I'm wiser every week because of her. I'm blessed to have the consistency of her as a member of my healing team for over nine years now. No other member of my health-care team has travelled this journey with me for as many years.

Many weeks Maxine and I find ourselves facing life situations that leave us questioning and searching for the same spiritual answers. My time with Maxine is often like one 'God moment' after another. I don't really know any other way to explain it.

This week she spoke of her latest spiritual struggle and resulting insight.

She referred to author Stephen Levine's concept of the 'Don't Know' Mind.

At first I looked at her as if she was talking nonsense. The 'Don't Know' Mind? Huh?

The idea is that it is okay not to know how you feel about something.

I am always wanting to know the answer, how to fix it, and how I feel about it.

I over-analyze, talk my mother's ears off, can't stop my racing mind, searching for the answer to something that maybe, just maybe, if I let it be, the answer will come to me in time. Sometimes we feel this pressure from ourselves and sometimes we feel it from others. How do you feel about this or that? If I say I don't know, I feel like something is 'wrong'.

I love the concept of letting ourselves go to the place of the 'Don't Know' Mind. Simply letting ourselves say, "I don't know". It's possible that going here, if we are spiritual people, also gives us space to be with God.

No, maybe it's not earth-shattering or revolutionary in any big way, but it was for me yesterday in the place that I am right now.

That is what is so special about my relationship with Maxine and the journey we have travelled together spiritually over the years. Both of us went from not being spiritual beings at all to becoming spiritual beings. She's far ahead of me on her journey, and passes down to me the wisdom she received from her mentor.

The gift is that each week she meets me on my journey just where I need to be met. This week, it was letting myself say: "I don't know how I feel." And there are a lot of things I don't know how I feel about right now!

Maxine is one of those people who has touched my life in such a profound way I don't know how to even express it. She has been here for me every step of the way through this illness--physically and emotionally. The truth is that, in illness, sometimes even the healers feel helpless. After my gallbladder surgery, in truth, I was too sick to be helped by her massage therapy. But her calm healing touch, her prayers, and her listening ear could. Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, faithfulness, and someone to listen and wipe our tears away. For the one hour I was with her, I felt safe.

Thank you Maxine for making my life so very much richer.

Imagine how many "Maxinisms" I have if I learn something like the 'Don't Know' Mind every week?! A LOT!

Blessings,

Emily

Photos: Maxine wearing the prayer shawl I knitted for her (photo from May of 2006). This was my first knitting project after my gallbladder surgery. Maxine before she headed to Africa for a retreat (photo from May of 2005). Yes, these pictures are more than a couple of years old! I've been meaning to post them forever!