I just sent this email out to my family and friends (so most of you probably received it via email). It may be one of the bravest things I've ever done, or one of the craziest! I'm not sure which yet! (Not as crazy as throwing my computer out the window, though, which some days I think I just might do!)
Dear Family and Friends,
As Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) unfolds and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) approaches, I find myself reflecting on this past year and the year to come.
What was great about this past year? What wasn't? What is weighing me down? What do I want to do better in the new year? Most importantly, as Jews, we ask ourselves whom we have sinned and to whom we must apologize and ask forgiveness. Then we ask what we must take to God and ask Him for forgiveness. It is very important not just to ask God for forgiveness, but to apologize to those on earth we have sinned and ask for their forgiveness.
For me, I am often weighed down by guilt--guilt about many, many things but in this particular case it's 'email guilt' I'm discussing.
How can I shed myself of this guilt?
I have decided to declare what is now called 'Email Bankruptcy'. It's taken me several months to get up the courage to do this and I'm still not sure where it will lead. But, I thought that as I approached a new year in Judaism and a new year in my world of birthdays, this was the time to make a change.
When I first opened my new Gmail account in January of 2006, I swore that I would stay on top of archiving messages and replying to people. I would learn to write briefer replies to let people know that their messages had been received, savored and enjoyed even if I couldn't write as long of a response as I would like. I would keep my inbox at 25 messages max.
Now, it is September 2007 and I have over 400 messages in my inbox. I am often so paralyzed by this backlog of messages that I just can't even start an email to ANYONE. Or I respond to the email that's new and the rest fall off of my radar screen. It's horrible to admit this. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. I feel like a bad friend. I know how much time and energy goes into emails. Why shouldn't I hold up my end of the bargain?
I've spent my life searching for mutuality in relationships, and now that I've half figured out how to do that, I'd like to keep it!
So, why this big leap? What is Email Bankruptcy anyways? It's different things to different people, according to the article that Mom clipped from our local newspaper that first spawned my idea to do this. I'm drowning in papers, emails and stuff that I just can't keep up with given my physical limitations and I'm fooling myself thinking that 'someday' I'll catch up! Life is too short to spend feeling this bogged down and guilty!
Email Bankruptcy means that I'm saying that I'm going to focus on the emails coming in NOW. I'm not going to even TRY to continue to operate under the delusion that 'someday' I will get to ALL of your messages, answer all of your questions, etc. It means taking a HUGE leap of faith that my emails may be less frequent, but that my love for you is NOT less. It means taking a leap of faith that you'll still stick by me. It means that I STILL want to get your emails with pictures and I still want to hear your news...I'm not trying to cut myself off from people. Just the opposite.
What I am going to do over the next few months is read ALL of the messages in my inbox and savor them. Then, I will archive them. Sometimes I left them sitting in my inbox because they were so meaningful, and maybe I received them on a day I wasn't feeling very well, and I wanted to make sure I re-read them. Sometimes I leave messages in my box because I want to give them my full attention, 'wait' until a 'better day' to write, and then that day doesn't come.
I feel like I'm cheating people by not writing back, by archiving some really wonderful messages that truly deserve a response. I feel like I've made so many promises I can't keep--"I'll write more soon," I promise to people, when in reality my body is not going to allow for that. It is going to be VERY difficult for me to just archive a message that has touched me so. Perhaps, I will write 'Thank you,' and you will understand WHY I'm sending you those two words--because that email was extra special.
What I'm asking for from you, as my friends and family, is acceptance and love and forgiveness. What I'm asking of myself is to move on in the new year and to be a better friend.
My ultimate hope is that declaring Email Bankruptcy will benefit ALL of us. I hope that it will mean that I can give the messages coming in now better attention, that it will keep me from being so paralyzed by my inbox, that it will give me time to be a better friend NOW.
From a personal standpoint, I also want to be able to spend more of my computer time blogging and more of the rest of my time away from the computer. I don't want to spend all of my 'awake time' on emai, which is what I started doing and it became a 'job'. As we all know, email can be a the best thing in the world and the worst! I love that it keeps me connected with friends all over the country (and the world) but I hate that I can't keep up with it! As many of you know, spending time on the computer is hard on my neck and my Autonomic Nervous System--and it can often make me sick. So, in this sense, less time on email is physical preservation. But, it's also for the purpose of emotional preservation and healing.
As I've started to feel a bit better, it has meant that sometimes I want to spend time face to face with someone rather than emailing. So, I'll have a friend here for a visit but that means falling behind on email. Still, having Carrie or Marla or Sarah or Loralea or Erika or Mommy Bev or Uncle Stan or Alexandra or Jessica or Angela or Tess or Ted or Kate or any of my wonderful visitors this summer HERE is what I love so much. So then it means a little less email time (or a lot less, as the case may be). Sometimes, too, I want to spend time with Asher, or knitting, or with my mom and dad and Abbie without constantly thinking about who I 'should' be emailing. (Yes, I literally do this--I have THIS much guilt).
Today, I called my "Mommy Bev" and we talked about the whole concept of email bankruptcy, and I realized I've just been putting it off and putting it off....and I realized that ALL of us sometimes get a bit bogged down by email. This might mean that Bev and I email a lot less frequently in order to have that hour on the phone every once in a while. It's a trade off.
So, what this all means in a nutshell pretty please?
In the form of brevity:
1. Most importantly it means that I think that I will feel a huge weight lifted and that I will, in the end, be able to be a better friend to myself and to you.
2. It means that IF YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL in the past few months that WAS DEAR TO YOUR HEART and you are LONGING for a reply to it, please, please, tell me and I will make an extra effort to reply to that specific email. I have all of my emails in Gmail and can easily do a 'search' for a topic or keyword or date.
3. It means that I might write back with more immediacy, but with more brevity (i.e. I might say "Thank you so much for your email update" so that you know that I received and appreciated your email even if I don't answer all of your questions,
As Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) unfolds and Yom Kippur (the Day of Atonement) approaches, I find myself reflecting on this past year and the year to come.
What was great about this past year? What wasn't? What is weighing me down? What do I want to do better in the new year? Most importantly, as Jews, we ask ourselves whom we have sinned and to whom we must apologize and ask forgiveness. Then we ask what we must take to God and ask Him for forgiveness. It is very important not just to ask God for forgiveness, but to apologize to those on earth we have sinned and ask for their forgiveness.
For me, I am often weighed down by guilt--guilt about many, many things but in this particular case it's 'email guilt' I'm discussing.
How can I shed myself of this guilt?
I have decided to declare what is now called 'Email Bankruptcy'. It's taken me several months to get up the courage to do this and I'm still not sure where it will lead. But, I thought that as I approached a new year in Judaism and a new year in my world of birthdays, this was the time to make a change.
When I first opened my new Gmail account in January of 2006, I swore that I would stay on top of archiving messages and replying to people. I would learn to write briefer replies to let people know that their messages had been received, savored and enjoyed even if I couldn't write as long of a response as I would like. I would keep my inbox at 25 messages max.
Now, it is September 2007 and I have over 400 messages in my inbox. I am often so paralyzed by this backlog of messages that I just can't even start an email to ANYONE. Or I respond to the email that's new and the rest fall off of my radar screen. It's horrible to admit this. I'm embarrassed. I'm ashamed. I feel like a bad friend. I know how much time and energy goes into emails. Why shouldn't I hold up my end of the bargain?
I've spent my life searching for mutuality in relationships, and now that I've half figured out how to do that, I'd like to keep it!
So, why this big leap? What is Email Bankruptcy anyways? It's different things to different people, according to the article that Mom clipped from our local newspaper that first spawned my idea to do this. I'm drowning in papers, emails and stuff that I just can't keep up with given my physical limitations and I'm fooling myself thinking that 'someday' I'll catch up! Life is too short to spend feeling this bogged down and guilty!
Email Bankruptcy means that I'm saying that I'm going to focus on the emails coming in NOW. I'm not going to even TRY to continue to operate under the delusion that 'someday' I will get to ALL of your messages, answer all of your questions, etc. It means taking a HUGE leap of faith that my emails may be less frequent, but that my love for you is NOT less. It means taking a leap of faith that you'll still stick by me. It means that I STILL want to get your emails with pictures and I still want to hear your news...I'm not trying to cut myself off from people. Just the opposite.
What I am going to do over the next few months is read ALL of the messages in my inbox and savor them. Then, I will archive them. Sometimes I left them sitting in my inbox because they were so meaningful, and maybe I received them on a day I wasn't feeling very well, and I wanted to make sure I re-read them. Sometimes I leave messages in my box because I want to give them my full attention, 'wait' until a 'better day' to write, and then that day doesn't come.
I feel like I'm cheating people by not writing back, by archiving some really wonderful messages that truly deserve a response. I feel like I've made so many promises I can't keep--"I'll write more soon," I promise to people, when in reality my body is not going to allow for that. It is going to be VERY difficult for me to just archive a message that has touched me so. Perhaps, I will write 'Thank you,' and you will understand WHY I'm sending you those two words--because that email was extra special.
What I'm asking for from you, as my friends and family, is acceptance and love and forgiveness. What I'm asking of myself is to move on in the new year and to be a better friend.
My ultimate hope is that declaring Email Bankruptcy will benefit ALL of us. I hope that it will mean that I can give the messages coming in now better attention, that it will keep me from being so paralyzed by my inbox, that it will give me time to be a better friend NOW.
From a personal standpoint, I also want to be able to spend more of my computer time blogging and more of the rest of my time away from the computer. I don't want to spend all of my 'awake time' on emai, which is what I started doing and it became a 'job'. As we all know, email can be a the best thing in the world and the worst! I love that it keeps me connected with friends all over the country (and the world) but I hate that I can't keep up with it! As many of you know, spending time on the computer is hard on my neck and my Autonomic Nervous System--and it can often make me sick. So, in this sense, less time on email is physical preservation. But, it's also for the purpose of emotional preservation and healing.
As I've started to feel a bit better, it has meant that sometimes I want to spend time face to face with someone rather than emailing. So, I'll have a friend here for a visit but that means falling behind on email. Still, having Carrie or Marla or Sarah or Loralea or Erika or Mommy Bev or Uncle Stan or Alexandra or Jessica or Angela or Tess or Ted or Kate or any of my wonderful visitors this summer HERE is what I love so much. So then it means a little less email time (or a lot less, as the case may be). Sometimes, too, I want to spend time with Asher, or knitting, or with my mom and dad and Abbie without constantly thinking about who I 'should' be emailing. (Yes, I literally do this--I have THIS much guilt).
Today, I called my "Mommy Bev" and we talked about the whole concept of email bankruptcy, and I realized I've just been putting it off and putting it off....and I realized that ALL of us sometimes get a bit bogged down by email. This might mean that Bev and I email a lot less frequently in order to have that hour on the phone every once in a while. It's a trade off.
So, what this all means in a nutshell pretty please?
In the form of brevity:
1. Most importantly it means that I think that I will feel a huge weight lifted and that I will, in the end, be able to be a better friend to myself and to you.
2. It means that IF YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL in the past few months that WAS DEAR TO YOUR HEART and you are LONGING for a reply to it, please, please, tell me and I will make an extra effort to reply to that specific email. I have all of my emails in Gmail and can easily do a 'search' for a topic or keyword or date.
3. It means that I might write back with more immediacy, but with more brevity (i.e. I might say "Thank you so much for your email update" so that you know that I received and appreciated your email even if I don't answer all of your questions,
4. It means you have the right to say, "Hey Em, I emailed you such and such a while back and I would really like it if you would answer at least this question..."
5. It means that my emails might be less frequent.
6. It means that I LOVE YOU just as much as I did before! :) It means having faith in loving through being and not always in loving through doing.
7. It means that just because I choose not to spend as much time on email, I understand that for many of you email is the easiest way for you to be in touch.
8. It means that I still want to hear from you.
9. It means that I must do this for my own physical and emotional well-being and I pray that you will understand.
10. It means that my blog is the best way for you to stay in the loop with what is going on with me, so that when I do email you I can focus on YOU.
11. It means understanding that your emails and your love have SUSTAINED ME and no email has EVER gone unappreciated, even when it has gone unanswered. I'm thinking of emails from my Cousin Stephen or Cousin Kristen or Cousin Kathy or Cousin Mary or Britt or Aunt Jeanette or Aunt Joan and soooo many others who write and write despite my poor responses!
It's going to be a learning process. And I understand COMPLETELY that for many of you email is the best way to keep in touch. And it is! I just need to let go of the past emails and focus on the present emails! And you all know that I LOVE your pictures! :)
Wish me luck on this new journey that I haven't quite figured out yet. And, of course, if you are on top of your inbox at all times AND don't spend all day on email, let me know your secrets!
Thank you in advance for receiving this 'declaration' with love and forgiveness...
L'Shanah Tovah, Blessings, and Love,
Emily
P.S. Just ran a spell check and Gmail didn't recognize the spelling of any of the Jewish words! Ha! They need to become more ecumenical! LOL.
5. It means that my emails might be less frequent.
6. It means that I LOVE YOU just as much as I did before! :) It means having faith in loving through being and not always in loving through doing.
7. It means that just because I choose not to spend as much time on email, I understand that for many of you email is the easiest way for you to be in touch.
8. It means that I still want to hear from you.
9. It means that I must do this for my own physical and emotional well-being and I pray that you will understand.
10. It means that my blog is the best way for you to stay in the loop with what is going on with me, so that when I do email you I can focus on YOU.
11. It means understanding that your emails and your love have SUSTAINED ME and no email has EVER gone unappreciated, even when it has gone unanswered. I'm thinking of emails from my Cousin Stephen or Cousin Kristen or Cousin Kathy or Cousin Mary or Britt or Aunt Jeanette or Aunt Joan and soooo many others who write and write despite my poor responses!
It's going to be a learning process. And I understand COMPLETELY that for many of you email is the best way to keep in touch. And it is! I just need to let go of the past emails and focus on the present emails! And you all know that I LOVE your pictures! :)
Wish me luck on this new journey that I haven't quite figured out yet. And, of course, if you are on top of your inbox at all times AND don't spend all day on email, let me know your secrets!
Thank you in advance for receiving this 'declaration' with love and forgiveness...
L'Shanah Tovah, Blessings, and Love,
Emily
P.S. Just ran a spell check and Gmail didn't recognize the spelling of any of the Jewish words! Ha! They need to become more ecumenical! LOL.
Photo: For some reason I just love the foliage on these wildflowers in our neighbors yard. I find this picture restful and peaceful--which is how I hope I will feel after I figure this whole Email Bankruptcy thing out! At peace.
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