Rebekah and Mr. Happypants Visit

Just a little change from what seems to be a stream of 'gloom and doom' posts as of late!

Rebekah and I have been trying to coordinate a visit for quite some time now, but either I'm not up to it, Kale is sick or he decides to nap just when I'm awake! It's difficult to coordinate my schedule and a baby's schedule. 

Last Saturday, in the midst of all of the stress, Rebekah and Kale were able to come for a little visit. I laid on the sofa, Mr. Laid Back hung out eating postcards from my cousin, and Rebekkah and I chatted. Kale always looks quite serious and he's so laid back, but I still like to call him Mr Happypants because he keeps me smiling. 

Visitors can be 'trying' for me, as Rebekah says. Sometimes it's a catch-22 between really wanting to see people and staying engaged in their lives vs. feeling really sick during after the visit.  

On Saturday, Rebekah and Kale were definitely de-stressors, both comforting and distracting me. 

Thank you Miss Rebekah and Mr. Happypants for always making time for me and accepting me however I am! 

Blessings,

Emily

Photos:  Rebekah and Kale; Kale thinks the postcard looks yummy(oh, and can you see my two teeth?); It does taste yummy!

27 Weeks: The IDSA Rules, I Fight for Coverage

Many of you watched the movie Under Our Skin which made you acutely aware of the controversy surrounding Chronic Lyme disease. Despite valiant efforts by the Attorney General of Connecticut and the Lyme community, the Infectious Disease Society of America made a decision on Thursday April 22nd to uphold its 2006 guidelines.


On the same day that these guidelines were upheld, I received a call from my home care nurse that Medical Assistance had denied any further home care visits.  I had my last visit from Jess yesterday, which the home care agency did despite the fact that the visit was not covered. At this point I'm in complete limbo as to where we go from here. Right now, I am waiting to hear if I could possibly be covered as an outpatient to get my port accessed weekly. I have two weeks of Rocephin left, after which we will wait to see if that is covered or denied when the new script is put through. So, I currently have an accessed port and no idea how or where I'll be getting it deaccessed and reaccessed when Monday rolls around. There will likely be last minute scrambling, but we have to keep our fingers crossed that I will get outpatient coverage.


It's been incredibly stressful, draining, time-consuming, overwhelming, frustrating, maddening and frightening. Many tears have been shed. I've done a bit too much 'catastrophizing'. At this time, I am just asking for your good thoughts and prayers while we try to navigate a way for me to continue treatment. I'm literally too exhausted to get into the emotional side of this all in a post right now. Until I hear back from MA about the next request, I can only wait. 


I've been trying to keep up with reading and understanding all of the intricacies of the IDSA decision, but it is very, very complex.  I know that some of my friends and family are also struggling to understand the decision and why it is such a huge deal in the Lyme community. A couple of tips: If you haven't already seen Under Our Skin, please consider renting it via Netflix, checking it out of your local library or borrowing a copy from me (I have copies to lend through the mail). You will not be bored! Also, on the right hand side of my blog are links to two very helpful blogs:  Those through CALDA (California Lyme Disease Association of America) and that of the folks at Under Our Skin (The latest post is a powerful bit in response to the IDSA from Jordan Fisher-Smith, one of the central people featured in the movie).


The bottom line is that patients will continue to have great difficulty getting treated. People will continue to go undiagnosed for years and even die. The doctors who treat us have to continue to risk their careers. I truly believe that because this hearing was so public, the insurance companies will continue to crack down even more so on Lyme patients seeking coverage of antibiotics. I don't think it is a coincidence that I received my denial the same day that the IDSA released their 'new' guidelines.


A couple of people have asked who to write to and what to do regarding the IDSA's decision. I have cut and pasted below the information I received from CALDA (California Lyme Disease Association of America). This seems to be the standard letter that the Lyme groups are requesting we send to the Attorney General of Connecticut. CALDA is a fantastic organization.


If you are interested, the information and a short explanation of the decision is below. I just did it via email and it literally took me TWO minutes. I don't know if I'll get any more coverage for my care, but maybe if we all speak up, this won't keep happening to people with Lyme disease.


I'm sick to my stomach over the entire thing. The latest IDSA setback is a travesty. If I am able to blog through the herxing and trying to sort out medical stuff, I will try to explain more about what this decision means in general, and what it means to me. In the meantime if you are able, please take two minutes to contact the Attorney General of Connecticut.


Blessings and Thank You for contacting the Attorney General!


Emily

CALDA Action Alert:

The IDSA Lyme review panel has released its report. The committee voted to make NO CHANGES to the 2006 Lyme guidelines. These are the guidelines that say no clinical judgment for physicians, no antibiotic treatment for chronic Lyme, and no alternative treatments or supplements. These are the guidelines that abandon sick Lyme patients and leave them nowhere to turn for help.

Why we all need to contact AG Blumenthal now:

The review process for the 2006 IDSA Lyme guidelines came about because of a Settlement Agreement with Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal. But the IDSA didn't follow all the procedures laid down in that agreement. If they had, one of the worst of the guidelines would have been thrown out. The recommendation in question requires that a patient have a positive Lyme lab test in order to be diagnosed with Lyme disease. Since Lyme lab tests are notoriously unreliable, this requirement denies appropriate diagnosis and treatment to untold thousands of patients with Lyme disease.

Contact AG Blumenthal and tell him you want him to make sure the IDSA follows all the rules. The lives of Lyme patients and their families are at stake.

If you can, please fax the AG. If no fax, email or call.
(860) 808-5387 Fax
(860) 808-5040 Phone
email: attorney.general@po.state.ct.us

SAMPLE LETTER:

Dear Attorney General Blumenthal:


The IDSA panel did not comply with the voting requirements of your Settlement Agreement for a critical recommendation in the guidelines--the need for a positive lab test before patients can be treated. In fact, Lyme lab tests are insensitive and miss many cases of Lyme. The IDSA sidesteps the need to follow your rules by claiming that this point is not really a recommendation. In fact, it is a strong recommendation, repeated throughout the guidelines and relied upon by insurance companies to deny treatment reimbursements to seriously ill patients. It should be subject to the same voting procedures as every other recommendation in the IDSA guidelines.


Please hold the IDSA to the Settlement Agreement and require them to re-do the vote on lab tests. The health and well-being of patients and their families depends upon it.


Sincerely,

(your name. Add personal details if you like.)

SAMPLE PHONE MESSAGE

I'm calling today because an injustice is being done to Lyme patients everywhere. Please keep investigating the IDSA, and make sure they follow the rules.

For updated information on about the IDSA guidelines, subscribe to the Lyme Policy Wonk blog (The link to the CALDA blogs is on the sidebar of my blog, along with other important Lyme-related blogs such as Under Our Skin.)

Lyme Log: 26 Weeks! Half of a Year!

26 Weeks!

That's HALF of a YEAR!

182 days; 26 weeks; 2 quarters; 6 months; 1/2 a year

(thanks to Rebekah for just putting it in all of these different ways! :))

I honestly don't even know what to think. Has it gone by quickly or slowly? All I know is I DID IT! I actually feel like it's gone by pretty quickly and a part of me feels like I 'should' be farther along in the treatment. And I'm certainly tired of the treatment and its miserable side effects, but it is what it is.

I celebrated today by buying a new pair of cute PJs. And eating a chocolate truffle that Mom brought home fresh from the Farmer's market today. Yum!

Right after I wrote my last post about grief over lost time and years and dreams, I crashed really hard and have been unable to respond to you all. I want to take a moment to say that the response to that post was overwhelming and I was moved beyond words. I thank you for reading those tough posts, for your compassion, for your empathy, for your kindness.

The higher dose of Rocephin, which I started on Thursday of last week, is definitely kicking my butt (and hopefully killing off some serious Lyme spriochetes!). It makes me very exhausted and weak. It also seems to go right to my ANS and has been causing me to have very low blood pressure.

On the Martha Stewart Show I have learned lots of useful information (how to paint, how to cook shrimp, how to make tofu, how to plant an herb garden) and fun but not-so-useful information (how to make stained glass cookies, how to make a necklace out of a t-shirt). Hopefully some day this wealth of knowledge will come in handy!

And I have spent my share of time konked out on the sofa in the sunroom. Thankfully, the afternoon sun is lovely and at least I am, for the most part, able to rest.

On Monday my new home care nurse, Jess, said to me:

"You need to rest! And don't you feel guilty about it. Your body needs to rest. It needs the energy to rejuvenate."

I definitely got a laugh out of this because over the weekend I had been unable to sleep one night. My mind ended up racing. I felt overwhelmed. And lots of guilt. I finally turned the light on and tried to tackle the pile beside my bed. I found an email from Mommy Bev commending me for 'letting go of my guilt' in a recent blog. She gently reminded me that it is difficult to change our ways and not to be surprised if I had a backslide.

I thought: When did I write that post? And who took over my body when I said I was going to 'let go of guilt' and accept that I would be out of touch with folks, etc.?

I guess I needed a little (okay, big reminder) that night and the following day of what my job is: Resting and healing. It's just that I don't like my job very much and I'm not very good at it! :P My body has spoken loud and clear since increasing the dose of Rocephing and given me very little choice in the matter! I seem to have a very slow learning curve!

Speaking of resting, it's time for me to get to watching the results show of Dancing With The Stars. :)

Blessings,

Emily

Photos: Spring is here and it is time for the outside water bowl! Asher just can't wait for the water to get to the bowl itself, so he drinks it as it is going into the bowl.

22 to 34: Gone. Forever.

Thoughts of grief, loss, sadness, suffering, gratitude, hope, and God occupy much of my thoughts these days. While I've longed to write about it, making sense of it all and verbalizing it seems overwhelming. I'd like to give it a start today.

I'm not sure why this moment happened last Fall or exactly when it happened. But I glanced in the mirror at my pale face, noticed the crow's feet around my eyes (how had I never noticed these before?) and in some strange way--physically and emotionally--I felt a little death inside me. I 'suddenly' turned 34 and deeply felt the loss of time.

How do I even explain what happened at that moment and the little deaths that have continued since then?

I became sick one month after college graduation. I was 22. And somehow until that moment I looked in the mirror last Fall I felt frozen at 22. That was when my life as I knew it had stopped. All I could ever imagine was if I got healthy, I would simply return to being 22 again.

That doesn't make a lot of sense, I know. But age 22 is my only reference point as to what it is like to function as a healthy person in the world. So each year that has passed since then, I've continued to assure myself that I "have time" to still do all the things I wanted to do in life. And I envisioned myself returning to that same thin, blonde, energetic, body. Suddenly I was grieving the 22 year old and each age I had never experienced in a 'normal' way.

Perhaps it is the fact that 35 is looming on the horizon and I'm still so far away from that body I want. Or it's just that 12 years is a long, long time to wait. And there is no going back.

The beginning of 2010 was certainly a turning point for me also. The news stories looked back on all of the things that happened in the last decade. We, as individuals, were asked to look at all of the things that had happened in the last decade. I looked and what I saw was a life that felt as if it had been standing still while others moved forward. The 20's and 30's are busy years for most people. This is part of what makes becoming chronically ill at a young age so complicated. How many address changes had my friends had? How many jobs? How many houses? How many children? How many cool experiences? All I saw was illness.

It was not until yesterday, during my appointment with Maxine, that what I've been feeling became verbalized.

As we both cried, Maxine said: Emily, this is a huge loss. Those years are gone. Forever. You can never get them back.

She continued to say that even if I am perfectly healthy at age 40 and able to have a child, get married, work, etc. I still missed these years.

I still missed my youth.

It's gone. Forever.

Yes, I've chosen to use these twelve years to grow, to use my suffering to hopefully help others, but that is a huge price to pay in exchange for our hopes and dreams.

I put a great deal of pressure on myself to remain hopeful--to see that I might have a child later, that I might have certain experiences later in life. And they might be phenomenal. I also put a lot of pressure on myself to focus on gratitude. In the past, I have discussed finding the balance between grief and gratitude.

I immediately try to replace my grief with gratitude. Or minimize it. Yes, I have a lot to be grateful for. And yes, all those things I had hoped for could have turned out miserably. And yes, my situation could be a heck of a lot worse. I can rationalize, re-frame and think of all the ways things could have turned out worse. But none of that eases my grief.

I'm still just very sad about what is already gone.

I wanted to go through normal life transitions with my friends.

I often ask myself and God the following question: Why was I meant to be an observer? And not a participant in all of these experiences? Why wasn't I part of having them with my friends?

How does one tally all of the experiences of our 20's and 30's that we won't ever have the opportunity to experience again? They are small and big. They are physical, emotional and spiritual. They are shallow and deep.

Missing every friend's wedding, baby shower, wedding shower, birthday party. Going for girl weekends to run half-marathons. Never meeting my friends' children. Not seeing my grandmother for the last ten years of her life. Not seeing my Iowa family for more than 12 years. Watching my body physically change and knowing it will never move or look like it did before. And never having been able to enjoy that young body. Experiencing first hand dating, relationships, marriage, graduate school, buying a house, having or adopting a child. Going to the movies, out to dinner, to concerts, out for a drink. Traveling. Going for a bike ride. Watching my hair change from blonde to brown. Spending time with friends and family, untethered by the constraints of my illness.

I don't even know how to list what I've missed, because there is no way to. How do you make grief and loss into a list? Almost every action that a healthy person does daily is something I haven't experienced. What I miss the most is the gift of time to be with those I love and being with them through all of their life transitions. Second most, I miss being a in a body that feels alive, one that takes me places, goes places, and dances.

I just know that the grief hits me on a gut level. The other night we met two of our new neighbors: two young couples with careers, fit energetic bodies, and one of them with a cute new pooch. All I could feel was left out. Earlier that week we met our 5 year old neighbor girl. She's five, lives right down the street, and I've only met her once? She's a child that lights up the world. Not only was I sad not to be able to spend more time with her, that I had never been well enough to spend time with her and know her over the past five years, but I was sad that she wasn't mine!

It hurts so much. I have sobbed, screamed and cried out to God: Will this ever not hurt so much? Will I ever feel joy again?

I've been trying to process my grief with others and in so many different ways. I've gradually been giving myself permission to feel grief, and to accept the validation from others that I do, indeed, have a lot to be sad about (as Dr. Lyme said.) But yesterday, in those moments with Maxine, I finally felt something within me shift. It was almost a relief to hear her say: Those years are gone. Forever. And at a huge price.

It let me realize how important it is to grieve this loss. How real this loss is. Hope and gratitude have a place, but so does grief. One does not replace or take away the other.

Blessings,

Emily

Photo: Ladybug on Burning Bush in our yard. Bush was planted to mark my ten year anniversary of getting sick.

Lyme Log: "Silver Anniversary"

Since being sick, I pay so much more attention to the details of the world around me. I love that we have so many pretty things in our yard to watch throughout the seasons. (Thank you Mom for all of your hard work!).

Last week I posted pictures of my favorite tree blooming. The blooms only lasted a couple of days before changing to this 'in between stage'. By next week, the tree will probably be covered in green leaves!

I don't have a lot of news to report. Unfortunately, I spent my "Silver Anniversary" konked out on the sofa the entire day. Last night, I did get to watch Dancing with the Stars though. :) And I feel pretty amazed that it's been 25 weeks.

I'm not completely sure why I crashed so hard, as I had been having a bit 'better' days. But it's a good example of what a 'bad day' looks like. I know it's difficult to understand what my good and bad days look like.

I never forget to take my morning medications, but yesterday I did. My routine is to set my alarm for 30 minutes before I need to start getting up. I take my medications, lay back down, and wait for them to kick in. I usually set it for about 10:45 and get up around 11:15. Check email on my phone. Get dressed in bed while watching a bit of The Martha Stewart Show. Mom gives me my infusion. Then I head to the kitchen for some lunch.

The most crucial medication is midodrine, which raises my blood pressure. I really have no idea how I made this error and missed my meds. While I managed to get dressed, get my infusion, and eat lunch, I didn't feel very well. I just attributed it not sleeping well the night before.

After lunch I suddenly felt like I had to lie down immediately.

I did. And I ended up being konked out on the sofa from 1:00 to 6:00, only getting up to pee. :P

I ate dinner with Mom. Got ready for bed. Watched some TV. Started a bit of the book Good Omens on CD. Cuddled with Asher. Listened to classical music on NPR. Went to sleep at 1:00 AM.

That was my day.

While I didn't feel well, it was still a 'tolerable' day. Why? Because I was able to rest and sleep comfortably. I wasn't in a lot of pain or having such bad ANS symptoms that I couldn't sleep. I felt lousy, and it is always incredibly disappointing to feel like I've 'lost' my day. But, when I can at least comfortably rest, I'm quite thankful for that!

I also learned a big lesson about how much the midodrine really does for me. I remember how much more energy I had when I first started the medication. What I think happened yesterday was my body can do what it has to do (get up, get dressed, eat lunch) without the meds but it's working so much harder to compensate for the lower blood pressure.

The midodrine probably keeps my body from having to spend so much extra energy keeping me upright. So, I think that I was just completely exhausted from the extra effort my body had to exert to get going in the morning.

I thought I might 'recover' after the meds kicked in after lunch, but I didn't. I still feel pretty wiped out today, but nothing like yesterday. I didn't even feel like playing on my phone yesterday! (You know I'm sick when....:))

I guess that sort of sums up a 'bad' day. But certainly not a horrible day.

Tomorrow (Thursday), I'm increasing the Rocephin dose to 1 gram daily. The goal is to get to 2 grams. I'm ready and confident in the decision, but always feel a bit of anxiety about how sick it will make me. I was enjoying having a bit more energy to blog, take photos, etc. and am not quite ready to give that up again.

To all of you who have emailed me and I promised I'd get back to you soon, please, please accept my apologies for not emailing. I'm so sad about being unable to keep in touch. Thanks for understanding that I often have to use my blog as my main way of keeping up.

The best part about my phone is that I really get to enjoy emails now. I can read them over and over at my convenience. Before I got my phone, I didn't have the ability to read emails as they came in and then come back to them whenever I wanted to. And read them lying down! :) This has really helped me to keep up on what is going on with all of YOU! :) I'm definitely reading!

I can't believe it's almost 6 months since I started the treatment. Thanks for continuing to sustain me with your love.

Blessings,

Emily

Photos: Weeping cherry tree transitioning from blooms to leaves.

Lyme Log: Gold Star Phone Consult

I had a 'gold star' phone consult with Dr. Lyme yesterday. Dr. Lyme puts those little gold star stickers on letters or med lists that patients send to him in preparation for phone consults. Of course, I work very hard to make sure I get gold stars!

For those of you who get bored with the medical details, I've tried to make sure to add in some pretty pictures. :)

My blood work continues to be 'spot on', with no indications that we cannot move ahead with increasing the Rocephin. We would like to do this as quickly as possible, treating me 'as fully as possible' but in a 'measured way'. As long as I can tolerate the treatment the message was: "Go for it!"

There are several reasons to push ahead with the Rocephin. This is the first time that Dr. Lyme has mentioned the many obstacles that could get in the way of me being able to continue treatment.

My greatest fear is that my insurance will refuse to continue paying for the Rocephin. Also, my port is doing well and staying infection-free at this point so we want to use while we have it. Another issue that can arise is pressure on the PCP treating the person with Chronic Lyme. Apparently, the PCP can be pressured or questioned as to their reasoning for keeping a patient on long-term antibiotics. Lastly, while I am a huge supporter of the health-care reform, it's likely to not be beneficial for people like me, and other Chronic Lyme patients. Formularies and outcome-based decisions don't work well with Chronic Lyme.

I am very, very fortunate to be able to get Rocephin as a treatment. Just today, the main topic on my Lyme support group was several people who had either tried to get Rocephin and been denied, or had only been able to receive it for one to three months. I try not to live in fear that this treatment could be taken away from me, but I am very aware of the possibility.

The other major issue at hand is my continued struggle with depression and anxiety. Dr. Lyme was fantastic about tackling this issue.

First, mood issues are very common in Chronic Lyme. As I mentioned in my earlier blog they can be caused by the Lyme itself, the treatment, or the sadness surrounding having a chronic illness.

Dr. Lyme asked me what made me sad. I told him briefly that I just really felt like I was missing out on all of the things I so wanted in life: marriage, being a mom, working, etc. He said that, of course, our goal is to get me to a place where I can experience and have the things that I want.

In the meantime, though, he said: "You have a lot to be sad about. It's important that you let yourself feel those feelings." How validating!

Still, he felt that we may be able to work with the depression and anxiety better, but it is not his area of expertise. As he says: "I like to stick to what I know." I really appreciate that he knows when to say something is out of his area of expertise. He said: "Why suffer if you don't have to?"

He recommended a doctor who specializes in neuropsych lyme. While I have a great psychiatrist here locally, he's completely stumped as to how to help me because of my sensitivity to medications. He also doesn't have the knowledge to know how Lyme might be affecting me.

If all works out with Dr. Neuropsych Lyme, I will hopefully be able to see him in the next couple of months. Also, I will be making a trip to see Dr. Lyme. Hopefully, Dr. Neuropsych Lyme will be willing to coordinate care with my local psychiatrist once I meet with him.

I had really been in a freak out mode before I spoke with Dr. Lyme yesterday. I am much calmer now. I was starting to freak out that maybe my Lyme wouldn't respond to treatment. Clearly, Dr. Lyme has not given up on me and he's still working to give me as much of my life back as possible.

And while I'm not at all looking forward to the travel to these various appointments, I feel that they are the right thing to do.

I think it will be tremendously helpful to get a second opinion from another Lyme specialist, especially one that Dr. Lyme works with. It will give me the comfort of having another person look at my case, give input and problem solve. Every Lyme specialist views things differently. Given the complexity of my case, I feel that having another brain thinking about how to approach my treatment will be a huge asset.

Right now, despite my fears, I feel incredibly grateful to be held in such caring hands.

Thanks for caring, reading, and listening!

Blessings,

Emily

Photos: The forsythia in our yard.

24 Weeks!

Just a little post to mark 24 weeks into treatment. I've been able to get outside to take some pictures, so here are a few of my very favorite tree in our yard: our beloved weeping cherry tree. It's not blooming as well as it does some years, perhaps because of the wacky weather we are having this year.

I'm regularly getting out to the mailbox, taking some photos, doing a touch of yoga, loving Dancing With the Stars, and overall doing better than I have been since treatment started.

That is, until allergies hit! We had a lovely Sunday lunch outside, and while I was out there I began to feel super sick. I finally left the lovely weather for the couch inside, where I spent the rest of the afternoon super sick and sleeping. I've not felt well since then.

It is super frustrating to get so sick from allergies that I cannot be outside to enjoy the lovely weather, but this is not something new. I've been struggling with horrible, often debilitating, allergies since I was a teenager.

Until the worst of the early Spring pollen passes, I'll be staying inside unless I feel up to evening StRolls with mom.

On the Lyme front, I have been adding in Zithromax (orally). I'm up to 1/2 tablet every other day, and so far so good.

I had hoped to increase the Rocephin this week also, but my urine showed abnormalities, and my PCP wanted to make sure we knew the source of the problem before forging ahead. Otherwise, my blood work has stayed perfect so far, which is a fantastic thing!

I have a phone consult with Dr. Lyme on Thursday, so I'll update after that. I'm sure he will be grateful to hear that things have improved since the malarone!

I had the blessing of a visitor yesterday. A friend I've known since fourth grade. Jess made such an effort to accommodate to my schedule. I really have a hard time with visitors, for many reasons. But yesterday, I let Jess hang out while my home care nurse changed my port needle. Letting her see me so vulnerable was really a huge step for me, and in some ways very freeing. Because really, she didn't care. I wore my PJs, messy hair, and no make-up. It was a little personal victory.

And also really, really, really nice to be around an old friend.

Sorry for the 'strictly news' update. I am too tired for a more 'deep' post! But I definitely wanted to check in, and thank you all, as always for reading, caring, and sticking by me.

Blessings,

Emily

Photos: Weeping cherry tree in bloom on Monday.

Perspective

"This illness is to fatigue, what a match is to a nuclear bomb. It's an absurd mischaracterization."

-Laura Hillenbrand,

author of Seabiscuit and person with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome-

Recently I spent part of the day texting back and forth with a friend who was sick in bed with the flu. That was one heck of a flu she had! We were having so much fun just chatting via text, both of us hanging out not feeling well. I think it helped us both get through the day!

As a side note: Yes, I am completely in love with texting now. I know...who is this person and where did she come from?!

But back to the story at hand. My friend has three children under the age of five, so she is one busy mom. As we were chatting she wrote:

"I would take the most hectic and frustrating day with the kids over this any day."

In an strange way that was the most validating comment. Especially coming from someone who has incredible compassion and empathy about my illness. She would never say something that would minimize my struggles.

Hearing someone say what she would give to feel healthy, even after just a couple of days of feeling sick, made me feel a little less crazy for being so sick of being sick.

I keep thinking that setbacks will get easier with time. That being sick will get easier with time. Sometimes it seems to get more difficult.

I have a tendency to minimize my 'suffering'. Or to question whether it is even 'suffering' because I am certainly very aware of how very many things I have to be grateful for, and how many people are suffering so much more so in this world. The problem is that 'comparing suffering' doesn't really help us to feel any better in the moment. What we feel is what we feel.

It's hard to keep perspective some days. So it's very helpful to have others, especially those outside of the situation, put things into perspective. Thank you, my friend.

Blessings,

Emily

Photo: The Lookout. We stopped here the day we forgot The Rolls! I love watching the valley change throughout the seasons.