First Snow

Gershwin after a romp in the snow.

We're having our first real snow fall of the winter, and judging by how many times the puppies have asked to go outside, I would say they LOVE the snow! I think there are few things more joyful than the combination of puppies and snow.

Despite the depth of the snow Tovah somehow manages to leap through it like a rabbit. Gershwin, our stocky little guy, has a little more trouble! 

Tovah Rose surveys the scene. :)

Blessings, 

Emily

And New Fur-Baby Makes Us a Family of Five!!

Today we officially became a family of five!

Please join us in joyfully welcoming our newest fur-baby.

Gershwin

Official AKC name: Gershwin Shall We Dance

Born: July 20, 2012

Gotcha Day: October 17, 2012

As you can see all of the fur kids were enthusiastic about the new arrangement.

As you can guess, we wanted another Jewish name . We also love music and what George and Ira Gershwin did for American music. We chose Shall We Dance based on both the lyrics and my love of dance.

Drop that long face. Come on. Have your fling.

Why keep nursing the blues?

If you want this old world on a string,

Put on your dancing shoes. Stop wasting time.

Put on your dancing shoes. Watch your spirits climb.

Shall we dance, or keep on moping?

Shall we dance and walk on air?

Shall we give in to despair?

Or shall we dance with never a care?

Life is short. We're growing older.

Don't you be an also ran. 

You've got to dance, little lady. Dance, little man.

Dance whenever you can.

Tovah spent the first few hours completely nonplussed by Gershwin's arrival. She even napped with me in the bedroom while Asher and Gershwin stayed in the kitchen area with Mom. We expected Tovah to be the one ecstatic about the arrival, but it was Asher who was most interested in the new baby. After dinner, though, Tovah and Gershwin played and played and played. 

It was a gorgeous day for us to spend plenty of time outside with the three dogs getting to know each other. Asher initiated the most play with Gershwin and seemed very excited about his new baby brother. He also is busy alerting us when Gershwin cries or seems to need something. This Asher of ours is a hard worker! (The other night, Tovah was up sick and he slept next to her crate supervising the entire night.) We could not be more amazed by Asher's love and protectiveness of his baby siblings (and of us). We are also overjoyed to see him playing happily again.

I am completely overwhelmed with joy. We have a house full of so much love and joy!

You can see from this photo how similar Tovah and Gershwin are in terms of their markings.

Gershwin is a true lap dog. Any time he sees or thinks a lap might be available he is ready to snuggle! And here Mom is getting lots and lots of kisses. I've turned her into a crazy dog person! :) As you can see poor little Gershwin's butt is shaved and it will take a while for this to grow out. (This is the traditional Lowchen cut, but we'll be keeping him in a puppy cut.)

He still really needs a middle name or first initials. I'm taking suggestions, especially for Jewish and Hebrew names. Some suggestions so far:

 Ron (pronounced Rone) or a variation such as Ronel, Ronen, Roni, or Ronli -- Song or joy, joyous song

Shir or Shira -- Song, Sing, Music

Simcha -- Joy

Zamir -- Song

Lirit -- We sing

Liron -- A song

Lev -- Heart

Tevye -- good, from Fiddler on the Roof

Leonard -- for Bernstein

Aron -- teaching, singing, shining, or mouton

Asa -- Healer

Gil, Gill, Gili, Gilli -- joy, my joy

Leor -- I have light

Ziv, Zivi -- To shine

Zusya -- Yiddish, Sweet

Our other possibility is to play off of the Gershwin initials and simply name him G.I. Gershwin, in honor of both George and Ira. 

Please check out all of the suggestions I've received on FB and chime in! :)

Thank you to all of you who have supported us on this journey. We have decided to seize the joy whenever we can, and having dogs is an incredible source of joy.

My heart is so very full.

Blessings,

Emily, Renee, Asher Noam, Tovah Rose and Gershwin

It's Official: Another Puppy!

The litter mates. Ours is the one in the middle, with very similar markings to Tovah's.

It's official. As of today we officially got the news that we will be adopting another puppy, who is about 10 weeks younger than Tovah and from the same breeder. Basically, we've lost our minds and gone crazy! :)

Mom will be picking up our new boy on Wednesday.

It's amazing to me that such different looking puppies can all be from the same litter!

We really hadn't been considering getting a second puppy, but our breeder happened to have her two yearly litters close together. One puppy demonstrated himself as a 'super snuggler' and Dayle wanted him to go to a home without children where he would get LOTS of attention. We kept our eye on the little guy and when she hadn't found the perfect home for him we started to seriously consider bringing another dog into the fold now.

Because we hadn't planned on brining another puppy into our home so soon, I don't have too many photos of our new little guy, but here is one of them.

Tovah is incredibly attached to Asher, so much so that while he spent two days at Dad and Abbie's she refused to eat or play and slept the whole time! We know that as Asher ages, it will become increasingly difficult to bring another dog into our home. Small breeds tend to do well in pairs, so this way Tovah and her brother can grow up together and have that companionship. Tovah also can get a little bored despite our efforts to entertain her, and we think she'd prefer a companion of the puppy kind. We started to feel that we already knew we wanted another Lowchen at some point, and this seemed to be as good a time as ever to do so.

HIs momma, Ajjie, in the traditional Lowchen cut. We won't be keeping our dogs this way! They'll be kept in a puppy cut and no shaved buttitude! :)

The decision was certainly not an easy one. We could not have asked to be more blessed with how things have worked out with Tovah and Asher. And how wonderful Tovah is as a puppy and companion. 

Are we pushing our luck? Is three dogs too many to keep up with? What if I have a crash? What if Mom has another health issue and we have three dogs to take care of?  Could I keep up with the needs of the three dogs--most particularly grooming and training the puppies? If something happens that Mom or I have health issues will people say: you got yourself into this mess!?

Beautiful Mama.

After an incredible amount of processing and discussion (remember I'm a verbal out loud processor which can make my mom slightly crazy! :)), we decided to take the risk. We also had very serious discussions with the breeder.

In the end, we cannot predict what our futures will bring health-wise. We have no idea how long Asher will be with us or how he would adapt to a puppy as his health deteriorates. All we could decide was that now, right now, things are stable and we could bring a third puppy into the fold now. We could envision all of us--me, Mom, Tovah Rose and Asher--doing well with the addition of a puppy now.

Our new little guy.

Starting on Wednesday we'll have our own little pack! :) Dayle says Lowchen are like potato chips: you can't just have one. I think she is right.

:)

We hope you will support us in our decision to bring this joyful puppy into our home. We ultimately decided that we have a lot of love to give and we really, really enjoy having dogs, especially me. 

Please come and visit our new little guy! We want him to be as well socialized as our Tovah Rose Twinkle Toes. (Just shoot me a text or an email to make sure it is a good time!).

Can't wait to bring this sweet face into our home!

Our little guy has a name, but we'll wait to reveal it until he's home safe with us.

Blessings,

Emily

Freshly Groomed

Mom helped me get some great photos of the fur kids yesterday. Twinkle Toes had just been bathed and brushed, and Asher had been to the groomer on Monday, so both are looking particularly handsome in the photos. :)

Tovah Rose is going to be 5 months on the 5th! She is growing like a weed and weighs 7 lbs now!

Mom was working very hard trying to get the two of them to pose at the same time. Nice of them to stick their tongues out at the same time?!

Just Chillin' together.

Blessings,

Emily

How to Touch a Life

ALL
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

JOANNE
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

COLLINS
In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

ALL
It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!

JOANNE(while ALL sing)
Oh you got to got to 
Remember the love! 
You know that love is a gift from up above 
Share love, give love spread love 
Measure measure your life in love.

--Seasons of Love from the musical, Rent--

Much of my time away from blogging has been because we have a puppy, but it has also been in large part because I have been doing such a large amount of processing and transformation that I have little energy left to write. I'm more ready to watch some fluffy TV and snuggle with the pooches at the end of each day, than try to put my thoughts together for a blog post.  I've missed the routine of blogging, yet while I was away, I realized that taking a step away from blogging was, unintentionally, exactly what I needed to do.

As we begin year 5773 in the Jewish calendar and a get ready to celebrate my birthday, I find myself in a new place of contentment and peace--with a new understanding of the meaning of my life and of what matters most to me in this world. I have, as the lyrics above ask, a better understanding of how I want to measure my life. 

Over Labor Day weekend we had several neighbors over for a picnic--something I haven't been able to do since I got sick 14 years ago. As we were planning the picnic and inviting neighbors, I discovered that all of the neighbors were very enthusiastic about it and couldn't wait to come. And I realized the neighbors were not coming because we had a fancy house, because I had cute children, because I had a successful husband, or because I had a some sort of successful career. They were coming simply because they enjoyed the company of myself and Mom. Period. It didn't matter to them that I was sick or disabled. Everyone brought amazing foods and the picnic was a wonderful, joyful success.

Shortly after the picnic, I posted one day on a small social networking site to which I belong that sometimes the thought of being this sick the rest of my life completely overwhelms me. (One more reason to stay in the present). A dear college friend's husband posted a link to one of his blog posts in which he talks about how I live my life and how it inspires him. I was so moved that Emily's husband, whom I have actually never met, so accurately depicted my illness and circumstances and that somehow, without having even ever met him, I had touched his life too. He depicted my situation better than many people who have known me for a very long time are able to--which is not only a testament to his attention to detail, but to his relationship with Emily and how he tunes into her. 

Around the same time, I received another email from a friend that I met online, have now met in person, and text with a lot. She described the ways in which my decision to get a wheelchair and then to encourage her to do the same had changed her life. She also shared how my openness and authenticity about my illness and my experience encouraged her to share her own reality for the first time in her life. She had watched me share my life authentically and had seen the friends and family who had so wonderfully rallied around me in support.

Over the years I have received many, many, many life-affirming and beautiful emails, cards, letters and phone calls about how my life matters. So, why did things suddenly 'click' now? I'm not sure. Because up until now my friends and family, especially Jeannine and my mom, have likely felt as if they are beating their heads against a brick wall.

One evening after the picnic and these most recent affirmations of my life, I was hanging out in the recliner cuddling with Tovah Rose and feeling crummy. I said to Mom: "You know, all I wanted to do my whole life was touch other people's lives. All I wanted to do was make other people's lives better. I thought the only way to do this was to go into a helping profession--such as being a doctor or nurse--and to have children. Maybe the lesson I am to learn is that if this is the life I have been given, I have the ability to touch more lives than I might ever have had I not gotten sick. It's just a very different way of doing so."

Over the summer, I listened to John Green's latest Young Adult book, The Fault In Our Stars. In the book the two main characters, who are both teenagers dying from cancer and falling in love with one another, have a fundamental struggle over the meaning of life. The young boy wants to 'leave something behind'. By leave something behind he means something that he sees as big and important. The young girl essentially says to him: "Don't you see, Augustus, this is all we get. This IS what we leave behind. This IS enough." She was referring to their families, to the love they felt for each other, for the every day joys and pains they experienced.

When I began reading the book, I was much like Augustus--obsessed with leaving something behind--such as a blog read by lots and lots of people. By the end of the book, I had already started to become much more in line with Hazel. This is enough. Our friends, our parents, the love we give and receive. Sometimes it all just looks a lot different than we thought it would.

Being sick absolutely sucks much of the time. I'm not going to gloss over that part of things. I hate that so much of my time is spent resting, sleeping or otherwise engaging in quiet activities that are more about surviving the pain and discomfort than in any way touching lives or enjoying what this wonderful world has to offer. Did I make sure and say hate? I also often feel frustrated by the amount of time and energy that goes into simply maintaining some sort of quality of life. Even though I LOVE my massages and I'm incredibly grateful for them, I sometimes feel frustrated by the constant demands that illness places on me.  I spend at least 17 hours a day in bed sleeping or resting, many hours each week dealing with medical care--whether it is appointments, counseling, massages, fighting with my insurance for prescriptions, or other such things--and many hours just doing the maintenance of the day to get through physically in terms of warm baths, meals, snacks, and medications. This leaves frustratingly little time for anything else. 

What I didn't realize though, until just recently, is that simply by being my authentic, honest self, who lives my life as well as I know how with this illness, I have the ability to touch people's lives and live a life that matters. What I didn't understand deep in my core, until now, is that I do not need to do any more than what I am already doing to be loved, to live a meaningful life, and to touch others in a way that makes the world a better place.  What I didn't understand until now is that living my life as well as I can is ENOUGH. 

As Mister Rogers said: "I've always been myself. I just figured that the best thing you can offer anybody is your honest self." And that is exactly what I will continue to do, while now realizing that offering my honest and authentic self is my gift.

This past year, as I've delved deep into the process of transformation I've, in some ways, become more selfish. Yet I'm happier and more joyful than I've been in many, many years. This is all a still a bit confusing to me, but Mister Rogers wanted us to love ourselves--because ultimately, if we live by the Biblical idea that we should love our neighbors as ourselves, we must learn how to love ourselves first. Then we can really love our neighbors.

Now, when I blog it will be an enhancement to my life, but the meaning of my life won't depend upon it as it did before. This is very freeing.

It matters to me that what I leave behind is a trail of love and kindness: that my friends know I was always there for them to the best of my ability in the midst of illness, that I gave Asher a home that pleases his foster mom, that I gave Tovah Rose a home that pleases her breeder, that my Mom always knew she was appreciated and loved, that when I greeted you I did so with a smile. These are things that I can be, every day, even in the midst of illness. I don't need to 'do' anything. I am enough just as I am. We are, after all, human beings, not human doings. 

I'm also learning to appreciate more that seemingly small things can have a huge impact.  I've always known the power of 'small' gestures especially because I am often on the receiving end of them. But I'm now better learning to stop minimizing them as 'not enough' when I do them myself. One of the things I loved and miss the most about my Iowa Grandma was her faithfulness in sending snail mail. She always wrote a note and tucked a brand new one dollar bill into the card. I still miss receiving those cards. Sometimes a book recommendation, a card in the mail, an encouraging text, the pharmacist that takes extra time to help me, the nurses that don't grumble at my needs, and so many other daily occurrences are gifts of time that can carry me through the difficult day I'm having.

My prayer for this year is that I can continue to hold onto this new feeling of peace, contentment, meaning, and purpose in my life. That I will continue to grow in my understanding that I am enough, just as I am. That I will continue to accept that I may not be a part of the world in the ways I had hoped or imagined, but that is okay. Long before I got sick, and all throughout my illness, I have always valued deeply love, kindness, gratitude, compassion, empathy, integrity, honesty and authenticity. It's just that now, I see how living a life with these values is fully living a life with meaning. That is what I want to hold on to.

Thank you to all of you, who over the years, have affirmed the value of my life OVER and OVER and OVER, patiently loving me and waiting for me to finally understand that you really did mean what you were saying, that you really did love me as I am. Sometimes we blondes can be a little slow. :)

Blessings,

Emily

Note: I highly recommend the new documentary recently aired on PBS entitled Mister Rogers and Me.

Play Time

We spend a LOT of time watching Asher and Tovah play together. Many people have asked what the two of them play like. It's taken me this long to actually get to my computer, upload the videos, figure out how to use iMovie, upload them to YouTube and then get them on my blog. I'm feeling a great sense of accomplishment having finally figured this out! These videos are from July, so you will notice that Tovah is a bit smaller in these photos. Her larger size these days just means she's even more of a noodge now!

The first video is a short clip of Asher initiating play with Tovah. He loves to get a squeaky toy and go after her. She is not afraid of a single toy, no matter how loud or large it is. 

This second video is a long one, so watch what you want and skip the rest. It is a classic example of the kind of play that goes on throughout the day in our house. Asher has been named the Most Tolerant Big Brother Ever, as Tovah is constantly noodging him. She loves to grab a hold of his beard and not let go. She's constantly demanding attention and play, and most of the time, he puts up with it (unless it is early in the morning or late at night). 

We've loved watching the two of them negotiate play. At first Asher wasn't sure how to handle such a tiny little puppy. He quickly learned how to do some 'ballet' around his little sister, how to mouth at her without hurting her, and how to put up with her constant desire to play.

We've also loved watching Asher enjoy play again. Over the past year, we had noticed Asher's two large crates of toys left largely untouched, which saddened us. 

Hearing the joyful squeak squeak of toys again, watching Asher and Tovah Rose play together, and knowing how much they love each other fills our home with happiness. We could not have asked for a better transition or relationship between our two furkids.

Blessings,

Emily

16 Weeks!

Our little Tovah Rose Twinkle Toes turned 16 weeks on Friday. Here she is all freshly bathed and brushed. She promptly messed up all of my hard work this weekend when she went playing in the baby pool. :)

Blogging has taken a back burner to spending every possible moment I can with the two pooches. I, of course, have a million photos from the past 8 weeks and hope to post more! We're ALL (Mom, Asher and me) enjoying Tovah Rose so much. She's a wonderfully joyful and well-tempered puppy.

Here she is hanging out in Asher's crate, as she did in the very first photos I posted. You can get some perspective on how much bigger she has gotten. She LOVES Asher's crate (aka The Palace) and he doesn't seem to mind sharing it with her. When we first took her to the vet she weighed just 3 lbs 1 oz. I can't wait for her to get weighed again this week!

When we decided to get a puppy we wondered how it would all work out. We worried about how I would manage health-wise, how Mom would manage the extra duties, and how Asher would adjust. I'm known for being a pretty risk-averse person. We knew that getting a puppy was a big risk. Sometimes, big risks pay off with big rewards. We never could have imagined just how wonderful this whole experience would be for all of us. I don't think I have been this happy in more than 7 years, possibly 14. Mom really enjoys having a puppy too! And Asher LOVES his little sister. 

We love our little family.

Blessings,

Emily

Asher Has An Announcement!

Asher Noam would like to share our joyful news--the arrival of his little sister. 

Tovah Rose

Born May 5, 2012

Gotcha Day July 3, 2012

Big brother, big sister, Mom and Tovah Rose are all doing wonderfully! 

Asher is a very watchful big brother. Mom and big sister were most nervous about his transition to the puppy, but he would like everyone to know that he has learned to play gently with Tovah, share his water bowl, let her steal his treats, and share toys. In fact,  he says, she makes him feel young again! :)

  Our biggest challenge is that we are all exhausted, which is to be expected!

Tovah is amazing and Emily is head over heels in love with her. Asher hasn't seen her smile this much in a long time and Emily hasn't seen him so playful in a long time. She just wishes all of the playing didn't make him so sore and achey. 

Mom picked up Tovah in NY. Since then she has been on major potty training and puppy duty. She's being a super trooper.

We're so incredibly grateful for the blessing of this new family member, and to Dayle, our breeder for entrusting us all with the care of this beautiful girl.

Blessings,

Asher

Puppy Switcheroo

All three puppies! :) June 24.

We received an email from the breeder earlier last week saying she felt that she had jumped the gun in matching the puppies to the families. She so wanted us to be able to follow one puppy and know she was ours, but ultimately asked myself and the other family if we would be okay with a little switcheroo.

So, instead of the girl in the middle, we will be getting the girl on the left. The middle girl is more active and likes chaos, while the girl on the left likes to be held and have her belly rubbed. The other puppy will be going to an active family with two young boys. We all agreed that Dayle (the breeder) knows best and we would be fine with the switch.

I admit that I had gotten attached to the sweet little face in the middle, but now I'm just as ready for the other girl to come home to us, and I've fallen in love with her sweet face. Now, if only I could decide on a name!!! 

Here are some photos of our new girl taken Saturday afternoon.

Dayle and our girl.

We've been busy getting things set up before the puppy arrives and letting Asher get used to all of the new things. He seems very interested in the xpen and most especially all of the boxes that have been arriving with puppy goodies. 

We've spent the past three months working with an animal behaviorist to deal with Asher's anxiety and barking issues. Looking back, it's something we wish we had done years ago. He's happier and more relaxed. We feel in many ways that, while he still cannot handle certain situations, we have a new dog on our hands. We hope this hard work will pay off as we introduce a new family member. It has been a great learning experience for all of us, and I am excited to use clicker training with the puppy, as it is something that people with limited mobility can easily do.

Another box? For me?

Let's see. What do we have here?

Ah-ha! A toy!

I had to 'rescue' this toy from Asher, since it is specifically for a puppy.

Just some of our goodies.

Thankfully, the family receiving the other puppy had kept all of the photos Dayle had sent of the puppies. So, we exchanged photos of our girls. Most of the photos overlap a great deal with the ones I posted earlier, but here are a couple of her when she was smaller.

Mom and Jeannine will be meeting Dayle at a halfway point to pick up the puppy on Tuesday around noon. She'll be here with me by Tuesday afternoon! 

I'll do my best to keep up with you all via my blog and Facebook, but I expect email to fall even more by the wayside than it already has. I appreciate your continued patience and acceptance of my inability to keep up, and apologize in advance for the fact that my correspondence is likely to get even more sporadic with the arrival of a puppy! 

I want to enjoy every moment with her. 

Blessings,

Emily