Monday Dog Blog: Hey! It's Gershwin Here with Week Four News

How Do You Like Me in Mommy's Hat?

Captain Gershwin here. 

I told Tovah Rose it was my turn to write a post this week.

Sandy Face. I Can Barely Keep my Eyes Open I am So Tired!

I've had so much fun on the beach this week! Look at all of this sand in my beard!

That Was a GREAT Day!

We've been able to hang out on the beach with very few other people or dogs around, so Mommy and Mom have let us walk without holding on to our leashes.

This is a real treat. 

I am so much more brave this way, and I have run into the water by myself and even gone to meet several dogs who are MUCH bigger than I am.

I like to get wet and then tear around in circles like a crazy dog and get super sandy.

My Pretty Sister

Tovah is a little more dainty about being on the beach but, she too, has really liked this walking without being held on the leash.

She likes to chase the ocean foam blowing in the wind, check out interesting things on the beach like crab shells, and sometimes she even goes after the birds! You should see how she wiggles her little butt when she is happy!

Don't We Both Fit Nicely On Mommy's Lap?

Most people here really like dogs and, so far, all of the other dogs we have met are so friendly. What a great place to be a dog or dog owner or dog lover!

I Taste Eggs!

Back at the house, life can be a bit of a different story.

As you can see, Mommy and Mom make me work really, really hard.

I Work SO Hard!

They make me pre-wash the dishes! Can you believe that?

(Oh! Oh! Oh! Is that some scrambled eggs Mommy left for me?! :))

Ready to Go!

There's a little debate going on between Mommy and Mom:

"Do Tovah Rose and Gershwin like each other?"

"Do they love one another?"

Mommy is sure we love and like one another.

Mom is a little bit more on the fence. She thinks maybe we just tolerate one another. She especially thinks that Tovah Rose would have preferred to remain an only child, whereas I would have liked to be one of many. :)

Tovah Couldn't Keep Her Head Up on the Ride Home!

Mommy takes photos like these two of us in the car (on the way to and from the beach) to 'prove' to Mom that we really do love one another. 

Who's willing to chime in on our doggy behavior?

We REALLY Don't Want to Go for an Evening Constitutional

Mom takes us out for one last potty break at about 9:00 each night. 

This is what we have to say about it: "Are you kidding us?! We are exhausted from this beach thing!"

We do not cooperate very well when it comes to getting 'dressed' in our harnesses and coupler to head out for this evening ritual.

We've wrapped up our 4th week here, which brings us into the home stretch of our time here. It's going by so quickly!

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

Gershwin

Kindred Spirit: The WALK I Will Never Forget

I will never forget today:

The day I WALKED to the Kindred Spirit mailbox on Bird Island Reserve.

Looking Back From the Mailbox to Where We Walked From

In years past, we have used the Rolls to get to the Kindred Spirit mailbox, but this year we have no Rolls. This is in part because it is broken, in part because insurance will not replace it, in part because it is increasingly difficult for Mom to push me and in part because I need it only for longer outings.

Distance from Mailbox to Ocean

The only way to the mailbox is to walk about 1.25 miles each way, not including the walk over from the street to the beach. 

Dunes Behind Mailbox

Bird Island, which is part of Sunset Beach, is completely uninhabited, with no roads or development.

Mailbox and Bench Nestled in Dunes

Our yearly pilgrimage to the Kindred Spirit mailbox is one of my favorite parts of our time here. It's a spiritual place, where people stop to write in notebooks that are placed in the box.

People from the island tend to the box, keeping it stocked with pens and notebooks. An author has used the stories to write some of her books.

New Kindred Spirit Mailbox

Since our previous three years here, the box has been moved, as has the one bench. The other bench has been removed and so has the flag that flew directing people to the box.

But, it's still the same special place.

My Entry

Each year, I spend some time reflecting on our time her at Sunset Beach and the blessing that it is.

Being at Kindred Spirit mailbox changes me each year.

Today, when we arrived at the beach, I decided that the weather signaled that it was the perfect day to try to make the journey to the mailbox.

It was warm, sunny, not too hot and not too windy.

Deep In Thought, With Help from T and G

Let's remind ourselves how far I walk in a day: I typically walk one mile or a little more for exercise as many days a week as possible.

Otherwise, I walk around the house or on an errand and usually make it to between 4000 and 6000 steps.

TODAY, I blew that number out of the water. 

According to my phone, I walked 3.3 miles from the time we left the car until we made it back to the car.

HOLY COW!

My Fitbit and my iPhone couldn't come to an agreement on number of steps. Even though my Fitbit was on ALL day, it still thought I had walked fewer steps than my iPhone, which I only wore during our time on the beach.

Regardless, even for my Fitbit it was the most active day I've ever had and when I synced it, little animated fireworks decorated the screen.

A Kiss from G

You may remember that it was just last year at the beach that I began 'training' to walk a mile.

One mile.

That was my goal.

Because the climate is so temperate here and it is so flat, I just gradually worked on my stamina.

By May of last year, I was able to walk a mile.

Since then, I've mostly worked on walking more frequently, squeezing more steps into the day, standing longer by doing things like shopping or errands, and varying the speed or difficulty of my walk.

Shells and Such around the Mailbox Pole

I've not come anywhere close to walking this far in a day, other than a couple of times last Fall when we were in Maine.

:)

We rested for a while at the box, as well as before and after our trips over the walkway to and from the car. 

It took us about 35 minutes each way to walk to the box.

Just Taking a Little Break

While I wrote, Mom and the kids hung out watching the waves.

Dune Girl

Tovah Rose curled up in the dunes and almost fell asleep!

Bench

I don't know how I'll feel tomorrow, whether I'll be able to even get out of bed.

But I was determined to get to this mailbox this year. On my own two feet.

New White Box

I'm trying so hard just to savor this victory for what it is.

Trying not to feel anxious about how I might feel tomorrow or what the post-exertional malaise might be like.

Lots of Sandpipers to Watch On Our Way Home

For some time now, I've been floating the idea in my head that I would like to be strong enough to walk a 5K. 

After today, that's feeling like an achievable goal down the road.

Being able to walk along the beach is so therapeutic.

I love walking with my shoes off (even if I do have hose on), getting my feet wet, playing with G in the water, looking for sand dollars (of which I found one of the most precious quarter-sized ones today), watching the birds, and getting to see the sunlight change throughout the afternoon as the tide comes in and out.

Today was a victory. A big one.

Today was joyful.

Today was spiritual.

Today showed me I'm stronger and braver than I sometimes believe.

Right now, I'm resting in the gratitude I feel for this day.

A Look Down the Beach After We Got Back From the Box

I love it here at Sunset Beach. I love being with Mom and the fur kids. And I love that I'm in this beautiful place healing...a little bit each day.

Thank you, Kindred Spirit mailbox, for being such a special part of this island.

Blessings,

Emily

Monday Dog Blog: Week 3 Update and Beautiful Beach Bums

Freshly Groomed and Ready for My Portrait in Front of the Fireplace

Hey there faithful Monday Dog Blog readers!

A Kiss for Mom

It's Tovah Rose here, and I'm in charge of writing this week's post.

Cutest Dogs on the Beach

We got freshly groomed last Monday, only to head down to the beach the following day to get sandy again.

Just Chilling in Mommy's Lap

We LOVE to go to the groomer here. I got so excited and danced all over the foyer so that I could see Linda.

It's been cooler this week, so we haven't been to the beach since Tuesday, which is okay, because we have had time to hang out at the house, walk around the neighborhood, and snuggle a lot with Mom and Mommy.

We Enjoyed The Afternoon of Relaxing

Folks around here are complaining a lot about allergies, and all of us are affected. We've started our eye drops and meds, and Mommy is quite miserable. 

She has had to rest and sleep more, so we are taking good care of her.

It's much earlier in the season for allergies to kick in so much.

Gershwin Needed a Headrest 

Mom made us go for a 3.33 mile walk today! We were ever so tired. 

Our Little Family

Our third week here was much more low key and quiet than the first two weeks, when we had visitors, company and lots of beach days.

Mommy told me that we are going on an outing to Southport, NC tomorrow and I am very excited because I love to be the center of attention when people ask what kind of dog I am and say how cute I  am (and Gershwin, too).

Happy Monday!

Blessings,

Tovah Rose

Love and Illness: Breaking up is Hard(er) to Do

October 2016

Wow. This is one of those posts that's incredibly difficult to write, necessary to write, and takes my breath away as I try nervously to put what I feel into words.

Many of you, but not all of you, know that Kiernan and I ended our relationship a little over six weeks ago. 

Black Moshannon State Park

Because this blog is read by many, including those who know Kiernan, it's important to me that I do not say anything to hurt him more than he is already hurting. Less than a month after we broke up, Kiernan's dad also died. 

This is enough pain for him to be in at this time.

It's also possible that people I date in the future could see this post, and there seems to be nothing positive in airing what happened between Kiernan and I so publicly.

Yet, I have shared much of Kiernan's and my journey here on my blog. I've shared how we fell in love, how we coped with my illness on a vacation together, how we journeyed through the past two years. So, I think it's important as part of my mission to blog authentically to share that falling out of love happened, too. 

Kiernan and I are just like every other couple out there--facing tough challenges unrelated to illness. The illness simply adds an extra dimension.

While the news of our relationship ending came as a surprise to some, in reality, we gradually unraveled. What unfolded during our more than two years together will stay between myself and Kiernan, a few close friends and my journal. 

In the end, while we loved each other, I felt that we didn't have enough love to stand on to create and sustain a long term, lifelong relationship.

I felt that we didn't have the same vision of a future together.

I felt that we had different ideas of 'time'.

It saddens me tremendously that things did not end amicably. 

I leave my heart open right now, hoping that some day we can be friends who care for one another. 

Goofy Guy

As my initial anger fades, I find myself struggling to reconcile what it means to love someone, but not have the love needed to sustain a relationship.

He's a goofy, smart, funny, kind, gentle man who opened my eyes to so many new things, while journeying with me through my illness.

I miss him. But I also believe that we are not meant to be together.

Kiernan was the first man I dated after 17 years of illness. Previously, my long-term relationship with my on and off boyfriend from high school and college ended shortly after I got sick. Again, he was a good man, but we were not a 'match' and my illness strained us. At 23 and 25 years of age, we weren't able to grapple with the illness and move forward. And I'm okay with that, as he went on to marry, have three children and a successful career.

Part of what Kiernan taught me is that I am capable of having a romantic relationship, chronic illness and all. 

It is possible to be a fully present partner even with the limitations of illness. It just takes some flexibility and help from your partner.

I also learned that what makes or breaks a couple when one of them has a chronic illness just may not be the illness at all. 

For us, it was more about what we wanted when it came to marriage, a child, financial security, and all of the other normal things that couples fight over, break up over, and ultimately can find to be irreconcilable differences.

This was the case for us. Or so I believe from my perspective. Kiernan's may be very different. And sadly, we both left the relationship feeling betrayed and hurt.

But, what broke us in the end was not my illness.

Even so, my illness made it harder for me to leave than it might otherwise have been. 

The loudest voice in my head is: "Who would want to date me with this illness?"

Kiernan saw me, not the illness.

I have to hope that another man will do the same some day.

Kiernan and I dated for over two years, and I do not regret any of it. I have grown so much over these past two years with him. And I continue to grow as I figure out my new path forward.

The past few months have been difficult, as Kiernan and I tried to find our way forward. I know that I gave it 110% of myself and that is the most we can ask of ourselves.

If Kiernan happens to read this post, I hope he sees that I only want the best for him, that I hope he can find his dreams and that I want only for him to be happy.

While I've sorted out whether to stay or leave this relationship, I've had little energy for blogging or keeping in touch. 

Here at the beach, I'm watching the waves crash on the shore and the tide move in and out...crying tears for what might have been, for the future I had hoped for, for the future that is now different, for the relationship that fell apart, for Kiernan's pain over the loss of a parent, for knowing this is the best decision for me, for knowing that doing the 'right thing' is often the hardest, for knowing that I was fortunate enough to know love again. 

Illness or not, breaking up is hard to do. But when we are chronically ill, it's quite a bit harder. 

Thank you to everyone who has lifted me up and continued to lift me up during this difficult time as I find my new path forward.

Blessings,

Emily