Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One Month

Today I am marking one month since the start of my IV antibiotic therapy.

As you can see, Asher continues to take excellent care of me.

Other than going to the doctor (which has been happening more than I would like this month, as I also have so many other overlapping medical conditions on my plate), I've been staying in PJs and doing the best to get through each and every day.

Every day is its own victory.

Last night was the first time I really let myself cry as the gravity of the whole experience, the feelings of aloneness and missing out, the questions about whether this treatment will work or not overwhelmed me. I'm so focused on survival (emotional, physical, and spiritual) each day that most of the time when I feel teary or sad I stop myself before I start to really cry. What a huge release to cry and how much more peaceful I feel today! My ANS wasn't too happy but it was important to grieve last night.

I continue to experience intense autonomic symptoms of dizziness, weakness, fatigue, lack of concentration, tachycardia, low stamina, difficulty getting up to sit or stand, forceful heartbeats and low blood pressure. As long as we are pushing the treatment along it's likely I won't get any 'breaks' in symptoms. In other words, as my PCP said to me when I saw her last week: I feel pretty crappy!

I know my blog was so much more fun when I was taking pictures of pretty places and flowers and trees and having outings in The Rolls. The new reality is pretty hard for me to get used to.

I had hoped to blog more regularly about my experience, but my computer time has been extremely limited. Thanks for keeping up with me via Facebook and keeping your news coming to my inbox...it's hard to express how much the news from the outside world matters.



Photo: Cuddling with Asher.


Katherine said...

Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

oh asher is so loyal!

stay strong....you know you can get through this!