Beautiful x 3

Hold Still!

On February 19, we took ALL three dogs to the groomer on the same day.  They stayed looking beautiful for about five minutes before they got soaking wet in the rain.

Treat?

It was also an incredible challenge to get a photo of all three of them together!

Mr. Handsome

Asher seems to be a bit neglected in the blog post and photo opp department, so he gets a couple of extra photos posted today. 

Two Peas in a Pod.
Note: Tovah's bow says: My Groomer Loves Me. :)

Gershwin's coloring has changed little since we got him except for some lightning of his face. Tovah, on the other hand, has changed dramatically since we got her. She is almost white except for a some light wheat coloring on her back, and the color on her face.

It's Hard Work Getting Handsome.

I love a freshly groomed dog--they're so soft and snuggly and clean smelling! All three not-so-clean-anymore dogs are keeping me company right now as a write.

Blessings,

Emily

Laundry

Don't Take My Bed!

Mom had a bit of laundry to do today. She also decided to wash the puppies' beds since they are quite dirty (a favorite activity of the puppies is digging in the mud!). Clearly, Tovah didn't want to give up her bed because this is where we found her. We're wondering if we could just throw her in the wash too? 

Ready for the Laundry.

Blessings,

Emily

Setback

Bouquet of Flowers from my BFF.

2012 seemed to bring a level of stability in my health that 2013 has not. I've been struggling to find 1. the energy to blog, and 2. the words to say. I've been busy writing fun blogs about the puppies, but today, it's time to be honest about my health. Here's a brief update of the past few months.

When, in November, my GI symptoms started, I assumed it would be a short-lived flare of gastroparesis typical of my pattern--a few days of a bland diet, a few Reglan, and I'd be back to my baseline.

Instead, the gastroparesis flare continued, worsening gradually until, by January it had become intolerable. As a result of my extreme GI symptoms, my ANS decided to soar into a MAJOR flare too. Since that time, I've been completely absorbed by the demands of managing my health needs.

I found this explanation from Dr. ANS of how the two play off of each other incredibly helpful:

"Any pain alarms originating from the GI tract will flood the central nervous system, and overwhelm the ANS with signals of incoming danger. As a response, the ANS is on red alert, constantly. A red alert ANS translates into worse fatigue, fogginess, etc." 

"Just a Little Cheer" is what Jeannine wrote on the card.

Our focus over the past few months has been to calm both the GI system down and the ANS. I've been bonding a lot with my healthcare team: Dr. ANS, Dr. GI, massage therapists, and now an acupuncturist. Almost daily I have an appointment to go to or a test or an email to write. That has taken every ounce of energy I have. 

A combination of medications, an endoscopy with Botox injected into my stomach, acupuncture and juicing to get nutrients has gradually been improving the gastroparesis symptoms, but they are still not resolved. We're all puzzled as to what might have caused this flare or why it has been so difficult to settle down. 

The ANS symptoms are proving to be an even greater challenge, as our hope was that when the GI symptoms began to settle down, the ANS symptoms would also. Within under five seconds of standing I am having tachycardia and feeling as if I will faint. I'm unable to pick out an outfit for the day myself,  stand at the sink to wash my hands, get something out of the refrigerator unless it is where it can be grabbed immediately, make it up the elevator to my appointments without difficulty. Getting dressed, getting a bath, letting the puppies out have taken on a new level of difficulty. I have stools and chairs set up everywhere! Even sitting results in a fast heart rate. I'm exhausted beyond my usual, I feel too sick to watch a movie or a TV show that requires concentration, train the puppies, or go on any sort of outings, and my evening check-ins with Jeannine result in air hunger and exhaustion. It's been a very long time since I have had this level of POTS symptoms.

Dr. ANS is working closely with me to try to calm the ANS down, but we're both puzzled and presented with a challenge that has proven so far, not willing to resolve. Our hope is that the acupuncture, massage, juicing, some medication tweaks, etc. will all bring improvements. I'm incredibly blessed and grateful that I have access to the kinds of treatments and care that I do. Sometimes, though, I long to not be going to an appointment every day to deal with my health.  

One of the most beautiful bouquets I've ever received.

Mom and I are both feeling drained and exhausted from this setback. It's been all-consuming, and I miss having time to reach out, blog, train the puppies, or enjoy other things. When I am going to appointments for health reasons every day, I don't have energy for anything else, which leaves me feeling isolated, lonely and sad. Thankfully, I have friends and family who continue to reach out, a caregiver who will pick out clothes and make green juice for me, an amazing healthcare team, books to listen to when I am able, fluffy TV shows, lots of pretty nail polish, and three awesome furbabies to lighten what can sometimes feel unbearable.

I wanted to at least reach out via my blog today to let my friends and family know why I dropped off the face of the earth. It's hard to write these posts because I so want to have better news. On the days that I don't have appointments (which are few and far between), it is my hope that I can expand on the treatments I have received and am receiving. For now, I'll try to use my blog, Facebook, texting/iMessage, and Path to keep in touch as I am able, and apologize as always that most emails go unanswered (but never unappreciated!).

Blessings,

Emily

Brothers

Freshly Groomed

It's become increasingly clear that Gershwin adores his big brother and wants to be just like him when he grows up!

Never a Moment of Peace for Asher

When we first got Gershwin we were unsure how Asher would react to having another male dog in the household. As it turns out, Gershwin and Asher have formed an extra special bond. Even when Asher is eating his food and Gershwin is noodging him, Asher rarely lets it bother him.

Favorite Spot

One of Asher's favorite spots to sleep is by the bathtub. Gershwin caught onto this, and now he can often be found either sleeping next to Asher or hanging out in the spot even when Asher is not. He's in his little monkey onesie in this photo because he had just been neutered (January). A onesie was a much better alternative to the cone!

Another Favorite Spot

Recently, Gershwin has started to sleep under the table just like Asher does! Asher is also the one who is ever-watchful of me and where I am. Gershwin is now often found outside my bedroom door next to Asher, waiting for me to get up for the day.

It's beautiful and bittersweet to watch the two of them together, passing lessons from one generation to the next. 

Blessings,

Emily

Happy Valentine's Day

Be My Valentine?

Miss Tovah Rose Twinkle Toes is all dressed up for Valentine's Day. We took everyone (all THREE dogs at one time!) to see our friend and vet last week. 

Tovah Rose just turned 9 months and weighs 9.5 pounds. Her 'little' brother, Mr. Gershwin Leor, will be 7 months next week and is already 13.1 pounds. 

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love,
The GREATs
(Gershwin, Renee, Emily, Asher and Tovah Rose)

Pajamas and Puppies

Tovah and Gershwin are all snuggles!

I'm in the midst of what might be called, in the world of CFS, "a post-exertional worsening of malaise", which is basically a really fancy way to say I'm in a major flare of fatigue and other symptoms. 

Some days I truly wonder how a human being can be this exhausted for this long. As Laura Hillenbrand, author of both Seabiscuit and Unbroken, said of this illness (which she also has): 

"Fatigue is to this illness what a match is to a nuclear bomb."

This flare is in part due to a three month long flare of gastroparesis (which thanks to the intervention of Botox is over) and in part due to my decision to put my emotional well-being ahead of my physical well-being and travel to Chicago for my uncle's 80th birthday. I hope I'll be able to blog about both of these!

And a kiss from Twinkle Toes. :)

Today was a Pajama Day. I'm happy that Gershwin and Tovah are so eager to oblige when it comes to cuddling! :) As soon as Gershwin sees me heading towards any place I might sit, recline or lie down, he immediately puts his paws up on me, asking to be picked up and snuggled.  Asher dutifully lies on the floor next to me. 

Mom just happened to catch these candid moments on camera today, and I love them.

Even on the most difficult days, they make me smile. 

Blessings,

Emily

Eight Lights: Marla

Testing out the PhotoBooth App on the iPhone.

As I sat down over the holiday to make our New Years cards, I began going through the year's worth of photos, most of which I had not taken the time to flag, post, or even label, as the puppies became my number one priority. But as I reflected back on the year and wrote our holiday letter, I felt the desire to share a bit of 2012 on my blog. It was a very blessed year in many ways--one in which we face a calmness we haven't had in many years in the health department--not because I am well, but because we faced no major crises for myself or Mom. I spent so much of the year though, silent on my blog.

So here is a bit of a Hanukkah theme: the eight lights of 2012. I tried to do this another year, and never completed the task. :P

Pajama Girls

After Marla's last visit in 2007 we vowed not to wait another nine years to see each other again. So, in April we had a five year reunion of her last visit. I wasn't feeling super well at that time, so we agreed to have a pajama weekend. No make-up, no doing our hair, comfy clothes only. While I rested, Marla read, went for a run, or hung out with Mom (and did some bonding in the kitchen).

Marla and I continue to grow deeper and deeper in our friendship as the years go on. She has stayed faithful, loyal, patient, supportive, and loving as the years pass and works incredibly hard at being a good friend and understanding my chronic illness experience. 

Having visitors is so difficult for me because it is so exhausting, but it is also so incredibly important and wonderful to me that I won't give it up for anything! Marla and I had such honest discussions during this visit about what it is like to be the one who is sick and what it is like to be the one who is coming to visit--and the anxieties that can cause. It's a difficult negotiation for all of us involved and the openness of our friendship is a wonderful blessing.

Marla and Mom hanging out in the heart of the home--the kitchen.

What I love most about my friendship with Marla is that we say it like it is. I don't have sugar coat anything with her. Our visit this year was as exceptional and soul nourishing as our visit five years ago.

We are already eagerly planning a visit for THIS year again! 

I love you friend--you have blessed my life more than you will ever know.

Blessings,

Emily