 |
| Before my haircut. |
June 18th is my 'anniversary of getting sick'. This year marked 15 years, which turned out to be much more emotional than I expected. It left me crashed out in bed the next day.
I spent the day trying CELEBRATE my life, what I can do, and what I love.
 |
| After my haircut. Wearing a Strawberry Blonde original. :) |
I scheduled a haircut, which is something that is often difficult for me to get out to do and is always a big treat.
I wore a new dress generously gifted to me by my friend Susannah. (You can check out her designs at http://www.shop.strawberryblondeclothing.com.) Embracing our femininity and beauty while sick can be a big challenge.
 |
| Me and my princess. |
I cuddled with my pups.
I went to the farmer's market and purchased a bouquet of flowers.
I crawled into bed with Mom and the puppies (Asher stays next to us on the floor, but he was right there, of course!) and watched TV.
I took photos of flowers in the yard.
I received snail mail (one of my favorite things) from Ellen marking my anniversary. She bought anniversary cards, crossed out anniversary and wrote 'shitiversary'. Laughter and snail mail all in one.
I reached out to friends. They reached back.
I lit a candle.
 |
| My furbabies. (Asher won't hold still for a posed photo!) |
I am to the point now where I have been sick for so long that I no longer remember the feeling of being healthy or alive in my body. This loss of my ability to summon an image of myself dancing or running or reading or easily engaging in an activity is a strange feeling. It's a large part of what has lead me to a journey of embracing my life as is, living my life with joy as is, accepting my life as it is now, and carving out a life filled with the things I can still enjoy--no matter how simple those joys are.
 |
| 15 different flower stems from the 'make your own bouquet' set up at one of the stands. |
Anniversaries are hard. I try to live my life as one of celebration and gratitude, not one of loss and grief. But some days, like on this anniversary, grief wins out, even given my best efforts to gently encourage it to stay in the background. I CELEBRATED the life I have now on June 18. Every thing I chose to be or do was something that I enjoy or makes me happy or helps me to cope with my illness.
Thank you to all of you who helped me get through the day. And who help me get through every day.
Blessings,
Emily
1 comment:
Your curls look gorrrggggeous.
>"I am to the point now where I have been sick for so long that I no longer remember the feeling of being healthy or alive in my body."
It's very weird, isn't it? Sometimes I try to imagine it, or remember it, but I was last a kid when I could physically do whatever I wanted. It seems so far away, like a different life.
I like that you found the silver lining, though. Without being haunted by that memory, you're able to move on to living with "what is," in a sense (which does not mean, I realize, that all grief magically leaves you too).
Post a Comment