Tonight we are halfway through the 8 nights of Hanukkah.
I love the Hanukkah prayers, the Hanukkah Lights special on NPR, my Western Wind Hanukkah CD, my Hanukkah music, and lighting the candles on these dreary, cold winter days. This year, however, I seemed to take special notice of one of the prayers, said only on the first night of Hanukkah:
Blessed are Thou O Lord, our God, Kind of the Universe, who has kept us in life and enabled us to reach this day.
Every morning when I wake up I say the prayer:
I gratefully thank You O Gracious One for restoring my soul to me.
Because even during these really hard days, I do feel this gratitude. I love the quote from my Lyme doctor: "Where there is life, there is hope."
I had a particularly bad day today and it's impossible to know why exactly today was extra bad. After needing to spend the entire day resting, sleeping, surviving I said to Mom: "I'm going to change how I phrase things. Do you know what I did today?"
"What did you do today?" she said.
"I rested and took care of myself. I did what I needed to do for healing."
"Asher, did you hear that?!" she exclaimed. "Did you hear what she said? She rested and took care of herself. Yeah! That is a BIG change." Asher, of course, started jumping up and down like there might be something for him in this all.
Typically I might say, "I did nothing today." or "I was lazy today." or "I didn't get anything done today."
On Sunday Catie came for my weekly bodywork session with her. She had read my previous blog on 'Staying in Touch' brought over a piece of paper with an affirmation for chronic illness, which I have displayed where I view it often: "I am willing to change and grow. I now create a safe, new future."
As hard as this is, as miserable as the days are right now, I feel a hopefulness that this will be worth it. I can only rest in knowing I have made a decision with which I feel at peace, and hope the rest will come out okay. I do feel that during this treatment a lot will change within me--physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I asked Mom if she had hope this time around that this treatment might work. She gave an affirmative, "Yes."
So it is at this Hanukkah season that I find myself needing the lights on dark nights and the stories of the Jewish people who continue to survive against all odds.
And now, it's time for me to get back to resting and healing.
Photos: Have you noticed the lack of photos lately? It's a sure sign that I'm not feeling well that my camera sits untouched. I took some pictures earlier on in treatment that I have yet to use, so that will help things out a bit!